Is going out w/my boyfriend ok without telling my kids??
Tommorrow is my birthday and my kids are coming over first and then my so called b/f wants to take me out for the night,my kids hate him,but I want to go...I will be 42.
- DebLv 41 decade agoFavorite Answer
It depends on what type of example you want to set for your children. Kids are way smarter than we give them credit for!
When I first started dating my boyfriend, my kids had a problem with it because they just were actually jealous of the fact they were not getting all my time and attention. I began lying to them about where I was going when I was really dating him. After a few months, I overheard my children talking to each other saying stuff like, "I wish she'd just be honest with us. My friend's mother saw Mom and her boyfriend together last night. I miss being close to Mom and being able to trust her." Lying to my children destroyed the friendship we had and made them feel betrayed. We had very long talks and worked things out. We all promised never to lie to each other again, but this does not take back the hurt I put them through.
Now, I am still seeing my boyfriend after almost 8 years of dating. The honesty we shared as a family helped my kids accept him and now they get along great. It just took deep talks in finding out what their thoughts were and what they expected from me. I had to explain that I couldn't be only their mom as they were used to. I needed adult companionship as well as theirs. I let them know how this could actually be a positive change for all of us.
Dig down to the bottom of why your kids don't like your boyfriend. They may have a legitimate reason (like when the boyfriend of a friend of mine touched her son inappropriately but he was too afraid to tell what happened...he just refused to be around the boyfriend.) Most of the time, though, kids feel left out and like they are losing their mother. Talk to them. Compromise. Spend some time with just you and your kids, some time with just you and your boyfriend and some time with all of you. Keep your relationship strong with your kids while you are dating.
- 1 decade ago
How old are the kids? If they are calling him you bf then i assume they are old enough to know what is going on. I would say no! Tell them you are going, if you lie about where you go, or keep them in the dark, they will do the same! If you catch them lying about where they were or are going in the future, they could hold it over your head if they find out (and they probably will). This is assuming they are still 18 or under and are coming from their fathers to see you.
If they are over 18, then tell them tough, i like him, and we are going to dinnner. Love you guys!
Now in both regards, if they are staying the night there, get home at a decent hour, and don't let him stay, it will help in the long run.
If they are leaving before he would arrive, then you don't need to tell them, unless they ask what you are doing later. Thats my adive at least :)
- icycrissy27blueLv 51 decade ago
you can never make everyone happy but you can make yourself happy..geez i know that you love your kids and that their input is important to you but how importand and dominating is it over your life? who cares if your kids know that you are dating that guys?it is your life,you like the guy and the kids need to get used to the idea if they either like it or not because if you keep on playing tag of war then no one wins..your bf sounds like a nice guy and maybe with time your kids will se the nice person that he is..you are 42 once and never again and i am 22 so i can give you the best advice i can for my age which is:go out and have fun because if you center everything around your kids then you will not have fun..your kids should understand that it means a lot to you having your bf on yor birthday and that he is an important part of your life..you should also think of putting yourself first in situations like these..i wish youthe best of luck,happy b-day and i hope that i helpedSource(s): me
- 1 decade ago
Your love life belongs to you, NOT your kids. Do they ask your permission to date someone?
Try to remember that not only are you an individual separate from your kids, but YOU are the parent. You do not need to answer to them... just tell them you have plans and make your exit.
If you let your kids run your love life, chances are that you will be alone forever. Trust me, I am a child of divorce, and our goal is to keep our parents for ourselves. One day, your kids may understand that you deserve to be happy, but they still will have a hard time falling in love with some guy just because you did.
Good luck, and happy birthday.
- How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
- spelling naziLv 51 decade ago
No, you should not go out with your so-called boyfriend if your children hate him. They come first and if they hate him, you should not even see him again. Why aren't the kids living with you to begin with? That tells me a lot about your priorities.
- 1 decade ago
Just as your kids have a "personal" life, you are allowed one, too. But why do your kids hate him? Keep that in mind when you go. If I were you, tell your kids b/c they will feel more angry if you are caught lying. It may be exciting sneaking sround at first, but it gets old real quick. They will get over your going out. It is your life, too, and it doesn't effect them. HAVE FUN AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I have kids too, and if my kids hated the guy I was dating I would have to tell him to kick rocks. Lets say from this dating it leads to marriage...would you want your kids to hate coming home because he is there or not wanting to do family things because he is there. Would you like to live with some one you hated? If your kids are grown...well honey live your life. They wouldn't break up with thier boyfriend or girlfriend if you didn't like them.
- flyfish_777Lv 41 decade ago
Your kids need to grow up and understand you have your own life.
Sit them down ON YOUR BIRTHDAY AS YOU MAKE A WISH BLOWING OUT THE CANDLE and explain to them that you are an adult and have your own life.
Then get up and go get in the car with your boyfriend and go out and have fun. They will get the message.....
Don't tolerate any disrespect from them towards your boyfriend or anyone else. You TAUGHT THEM BETTER.
- 1 decade ago
I'd say go out! It's YOUR birthday! Do what you want! Tell your kids you love them and give them a kiss on the way out the door!
- 1 decade ago
I think your kids should feel comfortable with the guy your dating. You should want whats best for the kids. If they don't like him, there might be a reason for that,.