Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

Is it normal to be upset at your ex husband is getting married, and really hate his new wife?

Man, I never thought I would be really bothered by this but I am. I have gone on and remarried a wonderful man, that |I love with all my heart, actually he is my first love from the 8th grade, and we found each other again. Anyway, my ex was such a jerk to me when we were married! He did some really mean things to me. We had 2 girls together too that he really did not have much at all to do with when we were married. I felt so enpowered when I left him and went on with my life. He lives 1800 miles a way from me, and my kids spend all summer with him. Now, that he is only a part time daddy, he acts like father of the year! That woman that he is marrying so gets on my nerves! She talks to my girls every once in a while on the phone when their dad calls, and she told my girls she loved them!! Loves them?? She doesnt really even know my children!! I guess I thought he would spend the rest of his life miserable and alone and regret what he did to me for the rest of his life.....

20 Answers

Relevance
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Is it normal? It's silly is what it is. Grow up.

  • Anonymous
    5 years ago

    Welcome to the world of second marriages, or almost-marriage since you haven't actually married the guy yet. Think really really hard before you take the big step. This is not an easy road and it has lots of potholes. You might hit one. Exes with children will likely talk to each other. This is a given unless one of the parents has completely and totally abandoned them. So you need to either learn how to accept this or find someone else who doesn't have a former wife and kids. Do you really want to listen to them argue? I think not. That is their business. Now I must also mention his kids and your role regarding them should you marry their father. Those kids already have a mother and they don't need another one. You can be their friend and supporter but you aren't their mother. This is especially true for children who are older (say 5 yrs old or more). The discipline needs to come from their mom and dad. If they are going to spend a lot of time or live most of the time with their Dad and his second wife, then the direction while they are there has to be set by Dad. He has a difficult role because he must balance the needs of his new wife and marriage with those of the children from his previous marriage. More second marriages end in divorce than first marriages. This is a troubling statistic because the overall divorce rate of ALL marriages is 50%. There are two issues that can become troubling in second marriages: one is money and the second is children from the first marriage.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    As a step mother myself I can tell you, it doesn't take much to love your husbands kids. I mean after all they are a part of him right? Sure I guess its normal to want your ex to be miserable forever and always long for you. I dont know, how or why but more than one woman is that way. Which I dont understand, each person has there own life and should be allowed to live it to the fullest, i mean you moved on so you should be glad he did. At least hes with a woman that gives a sh&t about your kids. I want to wish you the best of luck, and try not to be bitter I mean, you divorced him, you gave up the right to tell him what to do.

  • 1 decade ago

    If you are happy in your relationship at the present, don't carry that old baggage around. Be straight with your kids. They probably have more understanding of the situation since you are not right there. Ask the kids how they feel about this woman. Maybe she really does love them. I couldn't stand my ex's 2nd wife either. But she won my daughter over by getting her manicures at 10yrs old! I'd never even had one at that time! Plus the other stuff $ could buy and since i didn't/don't have any I haven't seen or spoken to her since she was 12 thanks to her dad for that.... Just stay close to your kids and enjoy that you have a good marriage now. I'm hoping for that someday, but it's dim. Just don't let the jealousy eat you up. Like I said, talk openly to your kids.

    Source(s): my own experience
  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • don n
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Sounds to me like you have a case of the green eyed monster called jealousy eating away at you. Do you want your ex back? Do you feel like this woman has stolen something that was yours? Are you ready do leave your present husband and go back to your first husband? Get your priorities in order and your head on straight.

    What do you care if the guy remarries? If he is as bad as you say he was then he will be this woman's problem. Poor thing.

    Now what did you expect her to tell the children on the phone? Did you want her to tell the girls she hated them and never wanted to see them? I think you are afraid that your girls will accept her as a step-mom and you feel threatened.

    If the relationship between you and your girls and your present husband is so shaky that you feel threatened by your ex getting married you probably need to go to counseling.

  • 1 decade ago

    I think it's normal for awhile to want your ex to be miserable. After all, he made you miserable right?

    But it's time to let it go. Of course he's going to act like a Disneyland dad. He only sees his kids during the summer and doesn't have to deal with making sure they are ready for school or did their homework. He's got it easy! But your kids will know which parent did all the work when they are older.

    Don't be upset because the new wife says she loves your kids. She could hate them for absolutely no reason and wouldn't that be fun for them!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    For your childrens sake please don't hate the new wife for loving your children. It is not her fault she fell inlove with your exhusband. It's very hard for a stepparent to love someone elses' kids, and she has made an effort to atleast say it. How bad can it be for the kids to have 4 parents that love them instead of just two. Put your feelings aside for the kids. they can and will pick up on this, and you will make them feel like they are taking sides. It will end up very stressful for the kids. It is normal to feel a little upset, but in time that will all fade, and hopefully things work out with her and your ex, and this just becomes the new norm. Good Luck with you, and your children.

  • 1 decade ago

    Time to get over the pain. It's hard, I know I'm going through the same thing. My kids soon-to-be step-mom is great with them, says she loves them, visits me when in town, calls / emails me periodically, and even though at first bothered me I have come to the conclusion she is marrying my ex this coming July and I might just as well get used to her. Of course, she's been dating my ex for about 7 years so you'd think I'd be used to her by now.

    Time for you to get over your ex, get over the pain caused by the ex and time for you to get over the jealousy that he isn't causing his new fiance any pain, which is what you had to go through with him. Hard, but very do-able especially if you really are in love with your new husband.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You sound like a typical bitter bit ch! Your ex sounds like he found a good woman and you are just jealous. Why would you be angry that his new wife tells the kids that she loves them. She spends her entire summer with them so of course she "knows" them.

    If I had to guess, I would bet daddy's new lady is younger and better looking then you so you are insecure! Live and let live!

    Source(s): Wow, check out the email this bitter nut sent me: Subject: You must have been burned bad before by a woman, Larry! Message: Actually you jerk, I am only 30 years old, and his new woman is older than me...........and she is a big fat cow.......and thats the best he can get anymore because he is like you!! You don't have anyone do you? Don't be resentful of people who actually get someone! Loser. NO WONDER HER HUSBAND LEFT HER!
  • 1 decade ago

    Get a life. If he was such a jerk to you, thenm he will probably be the same to his next wife. Find someone else that you can give your love to.

  • 1 decade ago

    Thats the problem.....you are really upset with fact that he isn't sitting around regretting what he did to you.....Pining and saying to himself....if only I did this or that she wouldn't have left.....guess what.....I am glad that he has moved on maybe, just maybe he has matureed. Everyone Needs to be loved through the good and the bad.....

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.