How do I get my friend to realize he's got to make a choice & end one of the two relationships he's in

One of my married best friends is acting like a real bone head in his marriage. His wife cheated on him a few years ago (for over 2 years), & instead of leaving he took her back, though I don’t think even to this days (nearly 2 years after the discovery of the affair) that he’s completely forgiven her. Instead he’s started his own because his wife is still not having much to do with him sexually or at least wasn’t until recently. Now, even though she is trying to mend the damage & trying to invite sex back into the marriage he’s not showing an interest because he’s getting it how he wants it elsewhere & claims he’s in love with this other woman. Basically, he wants the wife to either pull out all the stops or not bother & wants the mistress to be happy being a mistress & nothing more. Now he’s stuck between two women. Well, they have kids (just he & the wife) & a lot of other related stress in the marriage. I will say his wife is very irresponsible & flakey at times & doesn’t like to be counted on for the everyday bs of driving the kids & or keeping a job for long, but at least she’s been making an effort by keeping up with their home & periodically dealing with what’s expected of her. I think he’s staying with her for the kids & I think he originally started this affair with the other woman in hopes of getting back at the wife. Unfortunately, now he’s involved an outsider into this situation & now there’s a love triangle effect going on, though the wife doesn’t know the details for certain. She suspects, but nothing concrete. I think he too likes having his cake (the wife & kids at home) & eating it too (the younger childless mistress who relates with his personality). But the wife is being neglected because he’s not all that interested & they quarrel & so is the mistress because she’s starting to demand more of him even though she’s aware he’s still married & doesn’t appear to want to leave. So I think he needs to do something before it all blows up in his face. He loves his children & is a great father, but I fear his otherwise selfish behavior is going to get him in deep water somewhere, cause the dam has cracks in it & is eventually going to break.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    He needs to make a decision. If he truly doesn't love his wife then he needs to get a divorce, kids or no kids. This is a bullshit situation and he knows it. You can advise him that this is only going to hurt EVERYONE involved including his kids. The wife screwed up and he accepted her back and she seems like she is trying so for him to turn around and pull this crap is totally out of line. Tell him you are going to tell his wife if he doesn't! He needs to be honest with his wife and take the consequences no matter what the out come! It is not fair for him to do this and think that things should stay as they are. He sounds like a pretty selfish guy and this chick that he is seeing is a selfish whore that shouldn't have gotten involved with him until after he was single again. If she is hurt then that is her freaking fault for hooking up with someone who is already married no matter what the situation is.

  • Ella
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    And everyone wonders why the younger generations are all screwed up.

    Neither are happy in the marriage. Both have strayed outside of the marriage. Why stay in it?

    And don't say it's because of the kids. And if they even remotely think the kids don't know what is going on, they really are fooling themselves.

  • 1 decade ago

    tell him that he needs to make a choice otherwise you dont want any part of it and it will come between your friendship.a good friend will be honest and tell them things that they dont want to hear,but things that need to be said. if he doesnt want to loose your friendship he will understand the position your in and respect your decision. good luck.

  • abc
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    it's not your place to say anything to him

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