Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

serious advice please?

i am happily married, still in love before you ask! i have a 3 year old, and have a baby 5 months, trouble is i have no sexual urges whatsoever, i would like to know if any other mums have felt this way and what you think i could do about it, like i say i am happy and do fancy my husband, i do get very tired but i am scared this could become a problem to my marriage if i dont sort it out, is there a female viagra or something?? only serious advice PLEASE


message to AM you are a complete assehole and should not be allowed on here, get a life

30 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    i had a baby 17 months ago and i went the same as you. your body needs to recover,that and the fact children and men are hard work hunny. i so know how you feel. maybe its worth talking to your doctor bout it hunny. it may be that you have postnatal depression. i don't want or mean to alarm you,but that was one of my symptoms. i love my partner more than life itself but had no desire to make love or even be held or kissed. if you cant talk to your doctor,get you're health visitor to come round and give you some advice. i would have been lost without mine. she was extremely helpful and has become a very dear friend with the amount of help she has given my family. really do hope you and your hubby get things sorted out soon,and yes i do agree that "AM" your a complete git!!!!! take care hunny xx

  • Nels N
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    With both a five month old and a three year old, I can see why. From what I've heard and seen, this is fairly normal. Also, you're very wise to realize that this could have an impact on your marriage. First, talk to your husband. Just acknowledging that there is an issue helps. If it causes a rift, or continues for more than a few months, seeing a marriage counselor would be a great idea.

    In the mean time, having 'adult time', should be scheduled. Once or twice a month would be good for most couples. This doesn't mean sex per se. It could include dinner out, or frankly, just a good night's sleep. Pack the little nippers off to a relative or baby sitter and get to reconnecting. Having a happy Mommy and Daddy is likely to help the kids too.

  • jacg
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    It's normal to feel like this. It's probably exhaustion from dealing with the kids 24/7 and maybe post natal depression.

    Don't be afraid to speak to your GP and/or health visitor. They will fully understand where you're coming from. The symptoms for PND come in many forms depending on the person and extreme tiredness and lack of libido are justa couple of them.

    I suffered very badly from PND the first time and sought treatment after about a year. The second time I was a lot quicker off the mark. I felt so much better just talking about it even with someone who understood. Perhaps you might feel there is some stigma attached to admitting you have a problem or that you are somehow less of a mum/wife because you can't cope but it's nothing to do with that - it's hormonal and the sooner you seek help, the better it is. To my lasting regret, I spent the first year of my daughter's life like a zombie and can't remember milestones like first tooth, first smile, first steps. Something I still feel very sad about 13 years later.

    Go to your GP as soon as you can and get the help you need. xx

  • 1 decade ago

    Talk with your obgyn they may have some better answers for you. I really think you are just wore out. A 3yr old and a 5 month old baby is very hard work. You may not think this is part of the problem but it very well could be!.If you could get a sitter you trust maybe you and your husband just need a night away with out worring the children could wake up and disturb your intimacey. Go spend the night in a hotel for a different surrounding. Maybe that would help.....get a room with a jaccuzi and both of you relax and enjoy your selves.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Honey...More then likely you are experiencing post partum depression.That is very normal usually occuring up until the baby is 6 mos.You are probably very drained and tired and also you are probably not feeling very attractive.Get a family member or a friend to watch the kid's and you take some time out for just YOU.Go and have your hair & nails done and you will feel a lot better about yourself and that may help put you in the mood.Good Luck & Best Wishes.And I agree AM is an ***...

    Source(s): Personal Experience
  • 1 decade ago

    Women go through hormonal changes which can cause an imbalance with the sexual limbido.(not your fault) Talk to your doctor if you're not too emarrassed. They can offer some solutions for you.

    If you are just tired all the time which is understandalbe then you need a break. Talk to your husband about going on a mini vacation as long as you have someone you trust to keep the kids. This could help bring some spark back.

  • Pamela
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Clarie, Never run from someone to someone ..... It takes time to heal .... but you had a great guy influence you, your feelings and you saw the way it should be done .... Do you now know how you want a guy to treat you .... how you wish to be respected? Then the heart ache was worth it ..... you learned ..... no that you have a pattern .....a idea so to speak ... you can look around you when you meet people to see how folks measure up ... over time your views and wants & needs may change .... but you have personal knowledge of this man to contrast & compare to others along your life path .... A person who's better suited for you (closer in age) will come along ..... i pitty the fool ... he has large shoes to fill ..... But I bet he will think your worth it. If your in school ... try the counsilor for a referal on who to talk with, there may be peer counsiling groups too, the Church can help ..... last shot get the parents to check the medical benefits .... but your best shot here ... is time and meeting new people. Good Luck

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    5 months old is still very young, and not long enough for your body to have healed completely.

    Ask yourself, if a war veteran had his arm blown off at the shoulder joint, would he wait 5 months to get back up on the pony for another chance at being a shrapnel target?

    Anyways, find sometime during the afternoon or after dinner when the kids are napping to take a long hot bath to de-stress. Eat lots of natural super energy foods and fruits, with Vitamin C, strawberries are great. along with prenatal tablets and milk.

    You'll feel better and take the time to heal mentally, emotionally and physically, it's all part of the process. Dad needs to be supportive during this recovery period, it's his duty as a father, don't be afraid to ask.

  • 1 decade ago

    First thing you need to do is stop worrying, its perfectly normal, it could be anything, your children are so young that its very probably pure tiredness, or it could be a hormone imbalance, forget female viagra or anything like that. Find a good well woman clinic, if you have a male doctor get rid and find a really good lady doctor somebody that you can talk to, there are experts in this field who can help and advise you and your doctor or the clinic will be able to refer you.

    Make sure your husband knows exactly how you feel, keep him involved in all your feelings and how you handle them, explain how worried this makes you feel.

    Just remember its normal, its treatable and you are not alone.

  • Max
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I think this is very common in women with young children - there is nothing wrong with you. You are tired, you have your hands full with the responsibility of your children and you are, therefore, not ready to resume your sex life. It's only been 5 months since you had your last. Give yourself a break. If you want to try to change things, you need to seek proper help not ask for hearsay on a board like this. Speak to your doctor and see if he/she can help. Talk to your husband about it. But I'd say it's early days yet and really not to worry.

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