Blacks frown upon skin bleaching because it is indeed a form of self hatred; why else would you bleach your skin besides not loving it? Bleaching a scar to even out your tone is not the same as bleaching your skin to be lighter. Skin bleaching is low self esteem plain and simple. People who do that obviously feel that lighter skin is better or more beautiful; they are not light enough and therefore are not beautiful enough. And yes bleaching creams and soaps are indeed dangerous. Many of the products contain mercury which over time contribute to kidney failure, and others contain corticosteroids and hydroquinone which thin out the skin.
Secondly 90% of black women do not relax their hair, the numbers have been estimated at 75%, that is a big different by a few millions. Furthermore, I cant speak for you, but for most black women who relax their hair it has absolutely nothing to do with trying to be white. It has everything to do with the ease of styling and versatility. Black women generally do not wear hair styles typical of European women, if it were about "being white" we would not wear the unique styles that we do wear and that many other races have mimicked (cornrows, braids, twists, up do's...) I know that when I go to my BLACK beauty salon, the women in the hair books are BLACK. Furthermore, relaxers are not exclusive to black women. I know plenty of hispanic, jewish, and white women with frizzy hair who wear relaxers.
Moreover, when a black woman relaxes her hair why assume she is trying to be European? Europeans are not the only group of people with fine hair. Who's to say they are not trying to be Latina, Indian, or Asian? For one thing any black woman will tell you that hair that is too straight it difficult to style and is undesirable to black women. Most would prefer to have a medium texture or curly hair which is more manageable and versatile.
And my last point to make is why is it that when a black woman chooses to relax or dye her hair she is assimilating? What of a white woman with curly hair who straightens it, or a white woman with brown hair who dyes it. I think it is terrible that we as black women are damned if we do and damned if we don't. I relax my hair monthly, I have had it highlighted red, and have had it dyed brown; but I love being a black woman. And I would never lighten my beautiful mahogany skin.