Anonymous asked in 健康心理健康 · 1 decade ago

How to forget 心裡舊情人and get on

我是一個男生32 ,Long distance交往女友2年 she lives in Taiwan, I live in North America She comes to visit me every year for 2-3 months. So we actually see each other for 6-7 months. Initially the loving feeling was not strong But after she came to visit me twice, I fell in love with her strongly我始很在意他. My parent had some difficulty with her becuase she is 2 yr older She also have problem with my parents. She told me in Taiwan, no girls dare to live with husband's parents at all becuase the relationship between daughter in law and parents in law is always bad and cannot be solved. So she is quite impatient with my mom. She yelled at my mom once. I asked her to be calm and we can move out eventually. But she said that I must move out immediately on marriage. I love her very much and want to marry her. But she one day got upset and run away after a lunch together in a restuarant. She said that I was not sincere to her becuase I listen to my parents too much. She did not want my parents to conttrol her

boyfriend or future husband's life. In a way she is right. My parents are

traditional Taiwanese who think my future wife should at least take care of me. It is too bad that for all the time we spent, she never cook a meal

or prepare food for me . She also aske dme to go out for every meal.

After she got upset at me, she moved to a new place I did not know how

to find her. Then She left in secret and went back to Taiwan without

saying goodbye to me. She did not even let me drive her to the airport. I was upset at her after she left. I felt betrayed and did not contact her for

the next three months in Taiwan. Then a common friend told me that

she got engaged 4 months after she left me and is now married. she threated me to marry other to penalize me. But I still love her. Why?My mail is

2 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Since she is already married, there's really no point to discuss “why” and “how” anymore.

    I know you still love her, but if a girl could run-off and marry somebody just to spite you,

    I seriously think she is not mature enough to face whatever the problems that you two might have to face in the future, if you two WERE married. Maybe she felt unsecured. Women never like parents (or should we say… ANYBODY) being over-interfered of their men's life.

    I am not saying that she's right or you are wrong, (there's really no right or wrong in a relationship).

    All I could say at this point is that, what's done is done. There's nothing you could do could change

    the fact! Marriage isn't just two people, (Growing up in a traditional Taiwanese family,

    you should know better!) it's about two families. If she couldn't stand your parents now,

    she probably would not be able to stand them later on. Since you two didn't really get a chance

    to solve the issues, you'll just have to wish her luck and respect the fact that she is already a

    married woman. I believe that she struggled, too. I believe she has her side of story to tell.

    Please do understand, under the Taiwanese society, once a woman reach the age 30,

    they SHOULD be married, have kids already….. maybe she just didn't see your sincerity.

    Talk is cheap, “where the hell is the engagement ring???"

    A 34-year-old woman really doesn't have much time and youth to waste

    (excuse my choice of word) on a man or a relationship that they can't forecast the future to.

    Men and women after all, are quite different, respect her decision,

    wish her the very best and most important, move on with your life!

    Good luck to you.

  • 1 decade ago

    At first, personally I have to ask you a question how's your relationship

    with your parent?

    Do you listen to daddy and mommy all the time, and do you always

    obey their expecting to do your own decision? If the answer is

    confirmed, I certainly say that your ex-girlfriend is not right for you.

    Because she complained you were listening to your parent too much.

    Honestly, I was not getting along well with my parent in law like your

    ex-girlfriend who got relationship problems with your parent. So I could understand how she felt. You must decide standing on her side and

    show passionate to her then she could feel secure. She did not ask you

    the promise because she did not want to be hurt. I guess you probably

    disappointed her. And she punished you to marry the other man.

    As you know most parents always love kids particularly with their sons. Some parents are not treating fair to their daughter in law or son's

    girlfriend, also they have negative aspects to those women .Why? They

    do not want to share their sons love to them. So you have to define what your parent's concern.

    I was arguing with my husband if he has an accident or sickness. Who

    will take care of him? Of course, he answers taking care of a husband is a wife's responsibility. Even now we have two kids but he always thinks of the benefits of his family (parent and brother) not me or our kids. I

    am not jealous that he sticking close with his family but I ask him to

    give us respect and be fair. That's my experience. I think you are

    32-year-old and a mature adult. Maybe later you have chance to meet

    someone you really love but let you choose by your heart not from your parent's judgment.

    Good luck with your next Miss Right

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