My hubby doesn't know i loathe his mom.?

I used to like her...but it only took a little time for me to come to the conclusion that she's manipulative...and just a *****. He does what she wants him to do. NO MATTER if it derives from our personal time or fun. How can i tell him:

1) Put us first. (him, i, and our unborn child)

2) Put our comfort above her whims.

3) Learn to say, "Sorry mom, but i have to help my wife right now."

AND HERE"S THE BIGGY!

How can i tell him i need him to cut his own baby cord. I have more of a say in our relationship than HIS MOTHER. How can i get this through to him that I don't think she's the God given angel he thinks she is.

17 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Sounds to me that your complaint isn't against your MIL, it's against your husband. (HE does what she wants.) Chances are, since you haven't said anything to either of them, she doesn't know your feelings and you've already said he doesn't. Maybe she doesn't know she's being manipulative and a b****. To them, everything's hunky dory and there aren't any problems because you haven't spoken up.

    Sit down with your husband and talk about your concerns. (Leave out the "b" word, though.) Tell him you're feeling like there's no room for you in your marriage. Tell him that you're feeling a little resentful towards your MIL because of HIS insistence on doing whatever she wants, whenever she wants. It's not going to change unless you speak up.

    The fact of the matter is, she only does this because HE lets her.

    You should also agree on terms that he CAN be with his mom...just he and his mom...without you...without your child.

    If it's things like picking out baby furniture or things for your home/relationship, put your foot down and let him know that his mom is NOT involved in the decision.

  • 1 decade ago

    It isn't wise to ask your husband to choose between the woman who gave him birth and the woman he chose to be his wife. Haven't you ever heard that blood is thicker than water?

    It would be a mistake to make him choose you because he might not and if he does he might start keeping secrets from you like when he sneaks over to see his mom. He won't ever want to hurt her.

    What would you do if your husband asked you to choose between him and your mom?

    My suggestion is to try to find things about her that you can like.

    She will be a blessing when the baby comes and you want time away from the baby to be alone with your husband. She will stop focusing so much on your husband and will begin to enjoy being a grandma. Why don't you start by encouraging that with her. Invite her to go baby shopping with you. She probably will feel so included she just might buy you a bunch of stuff you need and want for the baby.

    It is amazing how much you can get out of trying to be nice. You will get your husband's appreciation. You will get a mother in law who will love you and your child. You will get a babysitter on occasion.

    And best of all you will learn to put other people ahead of your own interests which is a quality that will come in handy when the baby arrives.

    good luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    Hey I don't think I'm related to your husband but....his mother sounds an awful lot like my mother. Very manipulative & a

    b--ch! The final straw, when after being with my hubby for 15 years, she thought I'd made a mistake when I married him! Well it's now been 7 years since I have spoken to her! BTW I am still married to the "bastard" she hates. He's a wonderful father & husband or I wouldn't still be with him! It's going to take an earthquake for him to wake up.......tread very carefully on this matter as his umbilical cord is very sensitive. But remember only you can let people take advantage of you. Make some rules now and for when the babay comes! I wish you lots & lots of luck and patience.

  • Stefka
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    You can't. That's his mother. He knows she is not a saint but he still loves her. I don't know how old you or he are, or if this is a first or second marriage. I don't know if you are close to your family?!?!? If you have a problem with your mother-in-law then I suggest you sit down with her and tell her what you believe the problems are instead of dragging her son in the middle. You two love the same man and it is you two that need to work out an agreement that will leave both of you happy. Your husband/her son will be happiest if you two can work it out amongst yourselves as he loves both of you and it shouldn't be a contest.

    Good luck and have courage. Talk to her. And remember, we all have flaws so be prepared to hear what she thinks may be your flaws as well.

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • 1 decade ago

    OH I was so there!!! My in laws would call at 4 am and demand my husband go to the store or something and no kidding it went on for the first 2 years of our marriage. I would have to wait 2 to 4 hours for him to pick me up from work or walk home (a lot) anyways I left him with out telling him where i went or when i was leaving. I let him sweat for 2 weeks and got in touch with him and told him what i was mad about. and that he would have to meet my demands or i was better off without him.

    p.s. we've been married 6 years and have 2 kids and his mom is not in control of him.

  • Renee
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Unfortunately you needed to resolve this before you married him and I think you may have married anyways knowing this thinking you could change it, he needs to realize that this is hurting you and he needs to grow up... you get married to a wife not your mother, and its time to share his life with you, but i would probably insist on going to some type of counseling before any children come along because I think no matter what you say its not going to matter unless it comes from an objective point of view someone outside of the situation to make him see how wrong this is...

  • 1 decade ago

    LOL- you are not alone in this!!! Several of my friends are married and at least 5 of them say the same thing. He just needs to be a man and not a "mama's boy" and stick up for you. His mother did her job, now she needs to let him do his.

    I'm sure you will get lots of responses- If you watch "Sex and in the City" there's an episode that one of the main characters had a mother-in-law just like yours! You should google it and show your husband the episode.

    Best of luck and congrats on the extended family to be!!!

  • 1 decade ago

    Just tell him he has a responsibility to you and your child now and that you want him to be there for you and not his Mother. And ask him if feels like cutting the cord(some men do not like to do it)and that you would like for him to.Also, remember you may need a babysitter in the future before you let his mother know exactly how you feel!

  • angel
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Try being honest with him and tell him that he needs to stop jumping to her every whim, better more tell her how shes makeing you feel, if it makes him mad then tell him he can move in with her if hes going to be there with her alot.

    Tell him it's time to cut the cord from his mom cause when your baby is born hes got another one to cut. honesty is the only way.. good luck.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I'm sorry hon, but you should have cleared all of this up BEFORE getting married and most certainly BEFORE becoming pregnant. You cannot change the relationship between you husband and his Mother, do not try, it will come back to bite you. Try to learn how to get along, get counseling.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.