Shyness is a debilitating condition for many men. It prevents them from functioning in social situations, from voicing their real concerns, and most sadly, from approaching the woman of their dreams.
The truth is that many shy men are exactly the kind of guys women look for. But since they're too timid, women get left with the swaggering jerks they always complain about but seem to date exclusively. If shyness has kept you from getting that special lady, read on to see how you can overcome it.
Practice for a friend. A big factor in shyness is the fear of rejection. Eliminate this factor by approaching and picking up a woman for your friend or your brother. Since your own ego isn't at stake, you'll be less inhibited in your approach. You'll see it's no big deal and will want to pick up for yourself next time.
Take baby steps. Treat dating like a 12-step program. Start with a smile; show everyone (not just the hot babes) you're friendly and approachable. On following days, move up to saying "hi." A few days after that, engage in small talk. Keep going as you gradually open yourself up to people and see it's not as hard as you thought. If you make a blunder, forget about it. Most people are more forgiving than you think. If beautiful women intimidate you, take baby steps up the beauty scale. Start by approaching more average-looking women you feel confident with. As you become at ease with them, move on to prettier women, and so on.
Don't sexualize women so much. When you talk to a woman, don't view her as a sexual trophy, but as a person like yourself. Keeping things purely sexual will get in the way of your approach. And women can sense when a guy is just after sex.
Don't put women on a pedestal. Like the point above, don't attach any special significance to the woman you talk to. If you act like she's too good for you, she'll likely start thinking that as well. See her as a human being with all the flaws and qualities of the average person. Talking one-on-one is much nicer than talking down to or up to another person.
Lower your expectations. When you talk to a woman, don't expect an end goal; just go with the flow. You'll be amazed at how much easier things get when you don't think you have to accomplish something by the end. If you keep your cool, the rewards will present themselves naturally.
Don't take things personally. If you want to succeed in the game of romance, you can't take every comment, insinuation or joke that a woman might throw your way as a personal affront. People sometimes say things they don't mean. You'll have nothing to be self-conscious about if nothing bothers you. However, sometimes people do make inappropriate comments, in which case, you should definitely stand up for yourself.
Learn to listen. Don't do all the talking. Let women yak about themselves for a while -- something they all love to do. Ask open-ended questions and just sit back and listen. If the conversation lulls, have new conversation topics ready. And to ease the burden of initiating something, have a few icebreakers handy to get the ball rolling.
Talk to a lot of people. Don't be afraid to chat up everyone you meet, from the old lady doing her groceries to the bank teller. Practice makes perfect. Most people secretly lament the lack of communication between people, so your friendliness will be welcome. And if it's not, brush it off. Those that snub you are probably inhibited people who never took on the challenge of overcoming their shyness.
Don't fear rejection. Great boxers go in the ring knowing there's a chance they'll lose. Similarly, you can't expect to succeed every time. Nothing is 100%, so view every encounter with a woman as a positive learning experience. The trick here is to not be self-conscious. Shyness and hesitation occur when you think about your flaws. Instead, focus your thoughts entirely on the woman you're talking to. You'll forget about your jitters and she'll be flattered by the attention.
Get out and socialize. Join activities in which you're always interacting with people, such as the gym, exercise classes, church, a college society, or a hobby club. In these milieus, you must always socialize, and after a while, you'll get comfortable with it. Furthermore, you're practically guaranteed to meet interesting women.
It starts with you. When you leave your shyness behind, which will take time and persistence, you'll see how much your life will change, as you'll begin to go after what you want with fewer fears. And here's a secret: should you enter a room and feel those familiar jitters, remember that most people you meet are too busy worrying about what others think about them to really notice and judge you.
Imagine that you are talking to a friend. That will loosen the sexual tension and allow more comfortable conversation.
Keep eye contact. This lets her know you are legitimately interested, and tells her this is the most important thing you are doing at the moment.
Compliment the little things; the things that most men wouldn't notice. When you do that, you let her know that the little things she does don't go unnoticed, and makes her feel special.
Never over-do anything. In fact, UNDER-do some things. If you drop that one little compliment, and leave it at that, she will want to talk to you more to see what else you have to say.
NEVER over-compliment. Drop one here or there, but if you over-compliment, that will introduce a feeling of awkwardness and disparity. Women like their men to be strong, not desperate.