How can I overcome my Shyness around girls!!???.......?

When I hang out with these two girls that i'm friends with I'm so boring and shy its pathetic. I really need some help on how to overcome my shyness when I'm around these girls so they will want to hang out with me more. I'm 18 years old, in college, and I have never had a girlfriend:(. The two girls that i'm friends with are both in high school, 17 years old, and one is really shy and the other one is really outgoing and funny. When I'm around the shy girl its really awkward because we both don't have much to talk about. What should I do or say? What do high school girls like talking about? I'm actually decent looking, but my shyness is ruining my friendship with these girls!. they always talk about how thier other guy friends did something funny, or said something funny and how they miss hanging out with them. I don't want to be annoying and talk too much, but I also don't want to be boring and shy. I really like hanging out with them, but I really need to overcome my shyness.


15 Answers

  • CK
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Shyness is a debilitating condition for many men. It prevents them from functioning in social situations, from voicing their real concerns, and most sadly, from approaching the woman of their dreams.

    The truth is that many shy men are exactly the kind of guys women look for. But since they're too timid, women get left with the swaggering jerks they always complain about but seem to date exclusively. If shyness has kept you from getting that special lady, read on to see how you can overcome it.


    Practice for a friend. A big factor in shyness is the fear of rejection. Eliminate this factor by approaching and picking up a woman for your friend or your brother. Since your own ego isn't at stake, you'll be less inhibited in your approach. You'll see it's no big deal and will want to pick up for yourself next time.

    Take baby steps. Treat dating like a 12-step program. Start with a smile; show everyone (not just the hot babes) you're friendly and approachable. On following days, move up to saying "hi." A few days after that, engage in small talk. Keep going as you gradually open yourself up to people and see it's not as hard as you thought. If you make a blunder, forget about it. Most people are more forgiving than you think. If beautiful women intimidate you, take baby steps up the beauty scale. Start by approaching more average-looking women you feel confident with. As you become at ease with them, move on to prettier women, and so on.

    Don't sexualize women so much. When you talk to a woman, don't view her as a sexual trophy, but as a person like yourself. Keeping things purely sexual will get in the way of your approach. And women can sense when a guy is just after sex.

    Don't put women on a pedestal. Like the point above, don't attach any special significance to the woman you talk to. If you act like she's too good for you, she'll likely start thinking that as well. See her as a human being with all the flaws and qualities of the average person. Talking one-on-one is much nicer than talking down to or up to another person.

    Lower your expectations. When you talk to a woman, don't expect an end goal; just go with the flow. You'll be amazed at how much easier things get when you don't think you have to accomplish something by the end. If you keep your cool, the rewards will present themselves naturally.

    Don't take things personally. If you want to succeed in the game of romance, you can't take every comment, insinuation or joke that a woman might throw your way as a personal affront. People sometimes say things they don't mean. You'll have nothing to be self-conscious about if nothing bothers you. However, sometimes people do make inappropriate comments, in which case, you should definitely stand up for yourself.

    Learn to listen. Don't do all the talking. Let women yak about themselves for a while -- something they all love to do. Ask open-ended questions and just sit back and listen. If the conversation lulls, have new conversation topics ready. And to ease the burden of initiating something, have a few icebreakers handy to get the ball rolling.

    Talk to a lot of people. Don't be afraid to chat up everyone you meet, from the old lady doing her groceries to the bank teller. Practice makes perfect. Most people secretly lament the lack of communication between people, so your friendliness will be welcome. And if it's not, brush it off. Those that snub you are probably inhibited people who never took on the challenge of overcoming their shyness.

    Don't fear rejection. Great boxers go in the ring knowing there's a chance they'll lose. Similarly, you can't expect to succeed every time. Nothing is 100%, so view every encounter with a woman as a positive learning experience. The trick here is to not be self-conscious. Shyness and hesitation occur when you think about your flaws. Instead, focus your thoughts entirely on the woman you're talking to. You'll forget about your jitters and she'll be flattered by the attention.

    Get out and socialize. Join activities in which you're always interacting with people, such as the gym, exercise classes, church, a college society, or a hobby club. In these milieus, you must always socialize, and after a while, you'll get comfortable with it. Furthermore, you're practically guaranteed to meet interesting women.

    It starts with you. When you leave your shyness behind, which will take time and persistence, you'll see how much your life will change, as you'll begin to go after what you want with fewer fears. And here's a secret: should you enter a room and feel those familiar jitters, remember that most people you meet are too busy worrying about what others think about them to really notice and judge you.


    Imagine that you are talking to a friend. That will loosen the sexual tension and allow more comfortable conversation.

    Keep eye contact. This lets her know you are legitimately interested, and tells her this is the most important thing you are doing at the moment.

    Compliment the little things; the things that most men wouldn't notice. When you do that, you let her know that the little things she does don't go unnoticed, and makes her feel special.

    Never over-do anything. In fact, UNDER-do some things. If you drop that one little compliment, and leave it at that, she will want to talk to you more to see what else you have to say.


    NEVER over-compliment. Drop one here or there, but if you over-compliment, that will introduce a feeling of awkwardness and disparity. Women like their men to be strong, not desperate.

  • 1 decade ago

    I recommend that you should actually spread out. I've found that some girls I'm just shy around, and others I feel really confident and bold in what I say. It doesn't matter whether I like them or not, because I have liked girls from both sides.

    If you want to keep going, confidence is the key. Keep telling yourself all the good things, without pointing out the bad things. This will really boost your self-esteem, and then you'll become talkative and humorous. Also, never change the topic back to you, unless you're joking and have no plans for a relationship. The only exception is when they actually wonder, but you should always interrogate them as well.

    High school girls enjoy talking about everything. If you don't start the conversation, get interested in what they talk about. If you have to start the conversation, make it interesting! Everyone likes a good talk. Good luck! Confidence!

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    There's something you should know about us girls: we don't expect you to do things perfectly! As a girl, I don't really judge guys by the way they start things, but the way they finish them. Maybe you came up to me, got shy and left without a word. That's okay, as long as you come back and try again. You can start with a smile, that's fine too. When I stand there and look all expectant like "well, say something!" I'm really just impressed you made it all the way over to where I'm standing. I'm silent because I don't want to take up the talk bubble if you have something important to say like "hi." Keep trying. The girls are nervous too!

  • 5 years ago

    If you are a natural person you should try cognitive behavioral therapy. It was the only thing that has helped me with my horrible health anxiety. Read here

    Your thinking determines your quality of life. Your thinking is what causes you these feelings:

    Anxious, fearful, stressed or depressed

    Constantly worried, or angry about something that is happening in your life

    Struggling to overcome obsessive and negative thoughts.

    If you change your thinking, you will change your life. This is the basic idea behind CBT for anxiety. The Cognitive part is where you learn nee methods and ways to change your same old habits and thinking patterns. If you keep thinking and expecting the worst – You will continue to suffer.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You're thinking way too much! Just be yourself and don't worry about how you're sounding or whether you're funny or if you're talking too much! They're your friends and they still hang out with you, so obviuosly they don't think you are boring and pathetic. Also, you may want to consider making friends in college and not high school! Join some clubs or go to socials and parties and just get out there and mingle. Be yourself and you will draw people!!

  • 1 decade ago

    Why be shy? Be yourself! Have fun! Life is too short be a fly on the wall. If you have a sense of humor, use it. As you get older you'll really come into your own and it won't be that bad. You could always have a couple of drinks and get some liquid courage...

  • 1 decade ago

    you probably feel shy because you might be comparing yourself with the other popular guys.every guy is different.and im sure these girls like you for who you are.if not,they wouldnt be hanging around with you would they?

    but if you feel you have nothing to say,here's a tip.

    go out for a movie together,and you guys can chat about it's a common topic and im sure you can talk about that!

    good luck:)

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    ok, this time of year, girls will definitely talk about high school PROM.

    why don't you talk about your high school prom to these girls?

    i'm sure you had a good time at prom, because everyone goes to prom.

    and make some jokes, you know... be sarcastic.

    girls love a guy who's sarcastic to some people.

    best wishes.

    Source(s): I love my lady, with my heart and my soul.
  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds like you shouldnt worry so much i used to be like that too. You need to let go and be yourself thats what outgoing other high school guys do. even when they are the biggest dorks girls like them, just be yourself and if the girls still talk about how much fun other guys are and get annoyed with you, dont waste your time on being their friend. Your older than them so its kinda like you really dont have to worry, be the cool college guy that you are. college guys are always better than stupid high school imature boys.

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    Eliminate Social Anxiety Shyness :

  • 1 decade ago

    Yes someone help this guy because in doing so, you'd help me as well. T_T

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