how do you truly get past being cheated on? I am so resentful at times I feel like I'll never love the same

Update:

I guess I should have mentioned that we are married and still together even though I wonder if I did the right thing in forgiving him DAILY and yes I love him we were together 10 years

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  • 1 decade ago
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    You really never do get past the pain of being cheated on. Your feelings are well justified. Forgiving is the easy part but forgetting is not. A good rule of thumb is to remember that we all make bad choices in life & we wish we could go back & change things but we can't. The best thing to do is to try & move on with your life. To dwell on his infidelity won't change things so try to put it behind you, as difficult as it may seem. Be cheated on hurts deeply & there's no band aid to cover up the scars that it leaves, for they are way too deep. To feel resentful is only normal, but hopefully in time this will subside. In time you will love again if you stay with your guy but the love will never be the same as it was & how could it be? If you two go for counseling maybe your feelings will change. If not don't stay in a marriage that is loveless, even if it's just one sided. You deserve to be happy!

    Source(s): Been there!
  • 1 decade ago

    I know it's hard. I have dealt with the same feelings. We've also been together 10 years. I don't have that much resentment. It's more sadness. He's is genuinely remorseful and has tried to help in every possible way to do whatever it takes to get past this and make me feel ok. But what helps most is that I know that everyday that passes, we are creating new memories to replace the really horrible ones. I imagine it will be a very long time (if ever) before I forget. But just try to forge new memories through the healing.

  • 1 decade ago

    Sometimes it is best to leave the person because you may never get the trust or honesty back in the relationship. As well the communication also takes a hit and that being one of the most important aspect of any relationship it is hard to carry-on or get over anything. Remember just because you may have forgave this person does not mean you will forget anytime soon. One other thing if you are foolish enough to think he ain't going to do it again then you might as well get moron stamped to your for head. He has already seen that he cheated on you and you fargave him, and now he has seen that he can treat you like a piece of garbage and you just don't care.

    Get some self-respect and tell the guy to beat it because until you show some backbone every guy that your with is going to treat you this way is that what you want?

    God Bless and for your sake not mine I hope you will find a guy who will treat you the respect ad love you deserve.

    Since this guy is just another player.

  • 1 decade ago

    I have had a cheating partner in the past,and yup it freakin bites.You are feeling the normal things,fear,anxiety and

    resentment.Thats just a couple of the emotions.Right?Well,its all good ,for those people who do get over it and stay with the cheater ...they are the ones that need help!It will always be with you,that resentment nawing painfully at your spirit, so you need to embrace it to make you stronger.Love will come your way again,most likley with a partner whom you can experience life with in a more loving relationship.The people who accept the dirty bastards are in denial,you are not!The people that say they trust the the chronic liar are liars themselves.The most important thing you can do ,something that was hard for me but with the right person you can work on it,is dont judge the next person.You cant carry that residue, like the garbage you have in your life now,to future relationships.Trust will soon come back to you,but never with the one you gave your love to now.For that person took the most beautiful gift someone can give and exchanged it for a dirty cheap no class having disease infested chia plant.

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  • 1 decade ago

    One thing about time, it does lessen the pain. You need to forgive if you truly want to be together. That's the easy part, it's the forgetting that seems impossible! It seems like even in simple conversation it brings up these horrible thoughts. Maybe you just need to have a good look at your life and see if he's worth saving and if so, try your hardest to get over it. Trust will also take some time to return but you will need support from him in that, explain to him that from time to time you will need reassurances and he needs to be open and honest with you at all times.

  • 1 decade ago

    infidelity is a symptom of something going askew within the relationship, not the problem itself. Therefore, you need to look at what was happening in the weeks and months leading up to the infidelity taking place. Not just what was up with the other person, but what was going on with you. Look at the situation honestly, so that you can build on what you could have done differently, then accept that his limitations in relationships, you have no control over. It will be easier to let go of the pain once you've dissected it into little pieces. You'll be stronger for it, realize that it wasn't all you, and it will free you to pursue healthier relationships.

  • 1 decade ago

    I am in the same exact sitiuation as you right now. I broke up with my boyfriend of two years and he cheated on me. He wants to get back with me and says it will never happen again. It hurts so much though. I don't think I would be able to trust him again. If he cheats again you will only hurt more. In my heart I want it to work out but in my head why would you want to be with someone who has cheated on you???? I feel like he didn't really love me, why else would they cheat? It depends on how your relationship was. Was it a one time thing? Are you having other problems? I feel that ALL men are assholes right now. I think it will take time!

  • 4 years ago

    He lies and he gets violent?! Migod, woman. RUN AWAY quickly!!! Why do you reside? he's a monumentally skillful administration freak, and you're being twisted around by way of him. Why do you think of no one sees the bruises? it rather is all visual attraction with this guy. you may not stay with him because of the fact in case you do he will in basic terms wind you up and characteristic you doing something he needs you to. you will on no account be waiting to maintain him from getting mad at you. no count what you do, he will discover some excuse, some justification for why you made him blow up. He does it now. it will in basic terms worsen. He impresses me as being in basic terms the different fringe of an entire-blown sociopath. That variety on no account adjustments. they only kill people. you're on a quickly song to the grave with him. Stick around and you will finally end up there. in case you may not make the pass for your self, then perform a little real not undemanding thinking approximately what you will do once you have little ones. you do not grant your self with protection now. Do you rather think of that by way of that element you would be waiting to guard them? Get. Out. Now. it particularly is going to be too previous due in an prolonged time.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You judge people by what they are not by what happened to you in the past. Life is like driving a car...you can look thru the windshield or you can stay focused on that little bitty rear view mirror that only tells you where ya been, doesn't tell you where you are going. You are not the only one who's ever been jilted. You can look forward to a great life and love life or you can just focus on your past and stay with the stinking thinking. In any relationship you should begin it thinking good thoughts untill the truth proves otherwise

  • 1 decade ago

    Sorry that you got cheated upon. Only time will help you in large part. Now, what I would suggest is the below items. They may not sound logical to start and you may hate what I say, but as time passes they just may make more sense and prove to help you.

    See and admit to yourself what part if any you contributed to being cheated upon or how you acted that may have helped the other person justify cheating upon you. Then realize that no matter what, the other person erson is still responsible for what they do or dont do, just as you are. Realize that a person can always find a way to justify themselves, no matter how wrong or what it is.

    See if you are one who knew what you were getting? If you see signs in a person of them doing many things you dont like or that give you pause, and you still marry them, you are in a way helping them hurt you. You opt yourself in for many hurts and disappointments by being with a person you have reservations about. Another way of saying this is are you realistic or trying to live in fairytales, wherein you can change them or love it out of them?

    See if you are actually being realistic about life. In my view, there isnt much harm to those who do wrongly or badly, for no one seems to have much of a true sense of right and wrong anymore. They practice what you may infact practice yourself, that being it is right if it got you your way. Its only wrong when it hurts you or those you care for or it doesnt get you your way. If this is how you act, you in affect give up the right to view others as bad, simply because they hurt you or did wrong. Are you being realistic about how people generally are as people and about how society has become?

    Lastly, think of the things which you have done to other people. Think upon the things you have done or said to others that they didnt deserve or that you knew were wrong and freely did anyway. When we are hurt, it isnt easy to do this. But that is just when we should do so, for it helps us realize that in many ways, we may be getting back part of what we have given. And remember, it isnt always a matter of how much we think we hurt someone, it is a matter of how much they feel we have. For the wrong doer usually doesnt realize half of the pain they have caused nor do they often care.

    Again, I am sorry this has occured to you, but think upon the above things. In time, you will find that the pain eases, yet it may seem to take forever. All things can serve to make us better humans, to teach us to be better and to make us more aware and realistic, if we will allow it.

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