Why do people say try and get him back?

When I tell people that my boyfriend of 14 years ( we have 2 kids) left me 3 months ago, they say try to get him back. Why do they say that? Of course I would love to have my family back together. But what am I supposed to do? I am not the one who left, he had already made up his mind what he wanted to do. He knows I love him. He already has a new girlfriend. I will not beg him to come back. I also will not compete for him with his new girlfriend ( we are all in our early 40's.) I have more self respect for myself then that. That is why I hate it when people say try and get him back. Of course I would love to have him back home, but he has to want that on his own. Don't you think so?

19 Answers

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  • Kimmy
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Finally. A mature person out here in Question Land !!!!

    Everyone posting questions seems so immature. Its nice to hear maturity from someone who knows how things really run in relationships. I agree with you totally. He left. You don't need to win him back. He needs to win YOU back.

  • D
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    You can't 'make' someone come home and why would you want him there if he doesn't want to be there? You don't need him back if he's a jerk. What you DO need to do is make sure he pays child support - for the sake of the children, not for you. He contributed to creating those children and it is his responsibility to help pay for them. See an attorney immediately. That money is for the children, who need food, clothes, a college fund, etc.

    If you don't want him back, then don't listen to those people. They aren't the ones that would have to live with him, you and your children are. And for heaven's sake, don't tell him you "love" him. Keep your dignity. That will earn his respect more than grovelling (you are right when you say you will not beg!). And there can be no love without respect. If he has a new girlfriend, then he has made his choice. You'd better get yourself tested immediately for any STDs (sexually transmitted diseases), including AIDS. You know of at least one woman he's been unfaithful with - there could have been more. Remember, you don't know who the other woman has been with or how many, so he could have picked up something from her and transmitted it. But most of all, it is ESSENTIAL that he share the cost of raising those children. Get an attorney immediately. Depending on what state you live in, you may have other rights as well. If you won't do it for yourself, then you must do it for the children. You owe it to them as the only responsible parent they have in the world.

  • 1 decade ago

    I agree not only do i agree but i believe from experience... you are handling it the right way trust me... you shouldnt want him back if he doesnt want to come back he will only then be miserable and unhappy... you are so right dont listen to people sometimes listening to people will put you in a more messed up position..... let him do his thing and like you say he knows where his family is... you shouldnt try to compete, you shouldnt beg, or try to get him back... its not up to you its up to him... keep that self respect as i see you have alot of it and do you... take care of the kids and live life... remember everything happens for a reason and with him leaving could be the next best thing for you...maybe it was just about that time... embrace the change change is good

  • 1 decade ago

    There was something he wasn't satisfied with in your relationship and there's nothing you can do about it. If he's already moved on , I think you need to move on with your life. You can't chase after someone who clearly doesn't want to be chased. You guys tried your best with 14 years invested in the relationship, and most of the time when your with someone that long and things will never be the same as it was the first 2 years, you pretty much are positive with ending it and moving on. You should move forward with your life.Good luck!!!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Try and get him back??? They are CRAZY. You are a smart woman for not staying in a relationship with a POS like him. Dont compete with a sleazy woman who hooked up with a guy that had a gf and 2 kids. You are way better than that. Move on with your life. Be civil for the kids sake and make yourself a better person and find a good person who treats you well.

  • 1 decade ago

    I think you answered your own question. He is the one that left and you shouldn't degrade yourself by begging him to come back. 14 years is a long time to be with someone, especially when you have kids together, but there is someone out there for you. Obviously this guy isn't the one. Good luck.

  • Kari R
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I agree with you on this. If he has already got himself a new girlfriend, he is not worth your time. Tell those people to mind their own damn business. Why should you have to go and beg him back. You are better off without him.

  • 1 decade ago

    I agree with you. Apparently, he doesn't need any help figuring out what he wants. Leave him alone and move on. Some people always think they know what's best for you without no thought about you.

  • 1 decade ago

    Dont try to get him back. Show him how he's missing out and just have a great time. He's the one who stepped out so its not really worth wasting time.

  • JustMe
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I agree with you. I think some of it is becasue they feel bad for you and don't really know what else to say. If relationships were that easy to fix, then nobody would break up.

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