Why does my mom constantly make me feel worthless?
I'm 20 years old, going to college full-time, working part-time, and I still live at home because school is about 10 minutes from my house. Up until the past year, my mom and I always got along great but as soon as I broke up with my boyfriend in May, things changed. She became this controlling, nasty, mean, disrespectful, and hurtful person. It is out of control at this point and I have no idea what to do. She wants to kick me out of the house and she said she won't pay for school anymore. I honestly have done nothing wrong. I do not party, I do not drink often, I do not do drugs, I barely go out! I am trying to finish school and get a good job and she is not even supportive of that. She is constantly calling me a liar and telling me that I need help and that she thinks I am bipolar and she pretty much makes me feel worthless 24/7. She comes in my room in the middle of the night yelling at me and even locked me out of the house. If you have any ideas, please help me!
More details: My dad IS around, but at the moment he is out of town on a business trip in Germany and will not return until March 19 or something like that. I am pretty sure my mom is not drinking and to address the ex boyfriend issues, she did like him a lot and we were very serious when we dated. He was emotionally abusive and I needed to get out of it although him and my mom continue(d) to talk and communicate which made/makes it very hard to let everything go. It bothers me they talk and she knows it. I have tried to talk to my mom over and over about why she randomly blows up at me and I tell her how hard I am trying to improve myself because I KNOW I am not perfect (no one is) and I feel like nothing I do is ever going to be good enough to meet her standards. She has even gone to lengths to tell me to stop talking to my siblings. I don't know what to do anymore...I don't have the money to move out or pay for school, and I have no where to go....
- No MoreLv 71 decade agoBest Answer
Wow yours is a bizarre story. I can't imagine why your mom would turn on you like that. If you think that the breakup with your b/f was a factor could it be that she was somehow attached to him & now resents you for breaking up with him?
Maybe she had a vision of him becomming the perfect son-in-law, or something.
As for your mom "making you feel worthless" she can't do that unless you give her the power to do that to you.
From your information, I would describe you as a very responsible young woman. A person that any parent would be proud to call their child.
As a parent myself, I can't even fathom the concept of not supporting my child getting an education, & improving her lot in life.
It almost sounds to me that your mom may be suffering a mental or emotional breakdown of some kind.
I recommend that you get her to her family doctor, & you go with her, & explain her personality changes to the doctor.
The point is that whatever she is doing, this has nothing to do with YOU. I can't help but feel that you haven't painted the full picture here. That may even be unintentional on your part, you may be in a sort of denial, but you need to ask yourself a really hard question, & that is: IS YOUR MOM DRINKING?
That could explain A LOT.
I am going to leave you with one final thought. This hinges around you comming to the realization that this isn't your fault or your responsibility.
Even your mom would ultimately agree with me that your 1st responsibility is to yourself. If she persists in this behaviour, & refuses treatment for her condition (whatever it is) then you have to get out of that situation. You can't concentrate on your future if you are living with a person who is acting like a lunatic.
There are assistance programmes, & grants for students in bad situations like you are in. All you have to do is seek them out. Go to a councellor at your school & see if they can hook you up with some assistance. You didn't say where your Dad is in all of this, but if he's still around then consider him another resource to turn to.
Go ahead, & turn to as many people you can think of for help. You will be amazed at how many will step up & offer you anything they can. Why? Because YOU ARE WORTH IT!
Hope I helped! ;-)
- JoLv 41 decade ago
It sounds to me that you are in a very very difficult situation and you need help now. It would appear that your Mother may be going through some emotional or mental difficulties that have nothing to do with you. You need to enlist the help of a family counsellor. Start with the student services department of your college to see if there are any services that you can access.
Have you had a chance to sit down at a time when your mother is not feeling angry and quietly going over what are her issues of concern? It seems that you are doing everything that every parent would be proud of: going to school full time while working part time and you are only 20 years old; a lot of time ahead for boyfriends and relationships. I cannot understand any parent turning on their daughter for breaking up with a boyfriend. Could she have been living vicariously through you?
Good luck to you and hope that you are able to either get a student loan so that you can finish school and live on your own, or get some family counselling so that your current living condition is at least bearable.
- 1 decade ago
I would suggest moving out. It doesn't sound like your relationship can improve by living together...but living apart might just make it better.
You say that this only started happening since you broke up with your boyfriend in May. Did she really like him? Is she afraid you made the wrong decision? That's not an excuse for her behavior- it's your life, and you have the right to make your own decisions- but it could be an explanation.
Try talking to her. You may want to write out a script to go by beforehand, because being angry when you talk to her won't help.
If you've tried to make things better and nothing will work, you're going to need to move out and distance yourself from her. You have your own life to live and you deserve better than having your mom make you miserable all the time.
- JanstLv 41 decade ago
First of all she can not make you feel worthless. She lets you feel worthless. You must remember that you are not. You are doing the best you can. Perhaps a sit down talk with her might help. Ask her if there is any thing you can do for her? Maybe there is something else in her life that is upsetting her and she is taking it out on the person that is closest to her and that is you. Think about her and her life for a while. Perhaps she sees you growing up and moving on and is just lashing out at you. Maybe some counseling could help both of you.
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- dakota_gal_1968Lv 41 decade ago
Mothers and daughters have a hard time getting along once their daughters hit a certain age. That is just life. They dont see eye to eye anymore. The mothers want so much out of their kids and if they are not seeing this happen they get frusterated. That is a hard emotion to express and deal with. You may be able to sit down and talk with her and express how you feel. If you can.. great. Let her know that you still love and care about her and that her opinions are important to you.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Go to a pay phone,and call Social Services or go to a Homeless Shelter. I do think your mother had a thing going on with your boyfriend such as a Fantasy Dream. This is not your fault, and you do not deserve to be abused and this sounds like mental abuse to me! Go talk with one of your College Counselors and they should have resources to HELP you out of this situation. Please do not let her control your life. I do not care what age you are and if you are living still at home. SHE has to almost have a PROBLEM not you such as being jealous! You are YOUNG,working and going to college. YOU have a life,and she may not like that you now have more than her (Remember She is not as young anymore)! So by saying you use drugs etc. She may be trying to destroy your character. No one will let her in and listen to her once they have met you,and know the real you!
- 1 decade ago
OK...first of all, don't tell your mom to take a chill pill cuz that will make her definately kick you out of the house. If you can, move out. If you can't, try to move out to a friend's house, because I think she's the one who has a bipolar disorder (or something else). If you can't do any of those, try to avoid her. Maybe she wants you to get a boyfriend again so he'll support you, or maybe something ticks her off. Finally, if all else fails, talk to her (if that's possible) one on one and 1-ask her if something's bothering her 2-tell her of some of her behavior 3-tell her how it makes you feel and 4-ok, maybe she's just premenstrual. has she been taking any hormones or maybe it's just menopause and she'll get over it. this is definately a very serious and interesting case. i seriously hope you figure it out.
xx and...best of luck.Source(s): my mom gets mad sometimes. when she does, i got no clue why but i eventually figure it out +i think i do neway+
- 1 decade ago
Well, maybe you should confront her telling her how you feel. I don't know your mom personally, so I'm not sure how to react on this. But, atleast try to tell her. Maybe if she realizes that your being hurt by her actions, maybe she will stop. If that doesn't work, move out of the house. Get a job, try to pay for your college. Don't give up.
- friendlyadviceLv 71 decade ago
Your mother is feeling scared and insecure. I'm not sure what brought out these feelings, but it may be just the thought of you growing up and not needing her anymore. She's trying to make you fearful and helpless so you will continue to emotionally depend on her. She probably is feeling lost at the prospect of you being independent from her. It sounds like she needs counseling. At the very least, she needs to be bluntly told that you love her but you will not continue to let her keep you under her thumb. Look around for a spiritual counselor in your area. Your mother definitely needs it. She needs to be told to that you will grow up, you will be successful but that you will continue to love her.
- RawrrrrLv 61 decade ago
Since this all started after you broke up with your bf - I guess maybe she is pissed that you aren't with him anymore? Perhaps she thought that you two were serious and that maybe you would be moving in together or something.
Either way, your mom has no right to treat you the way that she does. You should talk to her about it and ask her flat out what her problem is. You might consider getting a lock on your door with a key - so that she won't be barging in at night anymore.