My Reaction to tone of voice...or Verbal abuse? looking to understand?
My boyfriend frequently has what sounds to me like a negative tone of voice---
When he is trying to fix something...He sounds mean, and commanding, when i think he could say things in a neutral way,or in a more kind manner, or he says something like, madly, what do you think you are doing! OR in accusing tone, or so you did so and so, instead of asking neutrally if I did something---
I feel hurt, and when I try to say something about his tone, he says he is feeling it, and i need to get over it, not make it my problem. THat i choose to feel bad, so its my problem not his
This negativity seems unneccessary. Sure, I could take on a "whatever" stance and just let him "FEEL" all over the place. I just do not find being around that to feel good, or to be productive in communicating or solving problems.
Is this verbal abuse? He says that is my negative judgement, telling me to get over it.
my TOne and heart listening, hoping to understand...
- Shrieking PandaLv 61 decade agoFavorite Answer
This likely has less to do with abuse and more to do with you two finding a compromise. If something bothers either of you, you need to sit down and find a way to work it out. Maybe you can tell yourself this is just him feeling frustrated and has little to do with you and he can work on expressing himself differently.
Sit down with him when he is NOT frustrated and angry, when you have time to talk, and just let him know how his tone makes you feel - and you realize this is his stuff and not yours, but it affects you and you'd appreciate his help in finding a better way to communicate.
Sounds like what he's really saying is, "Don't take it personally." Guys generally won't say that unless they mean it. You should never put up with a guy calling you names or screaming at you. This sounds like it's just more about him expressing his frustrations in a way that makes you uncomfortable.
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