I no longer love my child's father, and he asked me to marry him. We have a 9 month old and after?

the baby was born he shut down emotionally on me and wouldn't talk to me about anything.he wasn't helping me with the baby.. and basically for the past 9 months I have been a single mother. He only would see the baby maybe 2 times a month. He was having financial problems but I didn't know it because he would not tell me. I would ask him why would he not show me any affection, no hugs or send money, and I assumed he was cheating, he got really angry and said some mean things to me. He told me to do what ever so I met and started talking to another guy. It didn't last long..I still loved my baby father.But he was still so cold hearted, I stopped loving him. he has decided to tell me after so many months why he bacame so cold towards me, and I told him about the other guy. All is forgiven but those months took a hard toll on me and I no longer love him now. He proposed and I said no but he still wants to be w/ me. I luv him cause he is the baby dad, but not enough to be w/ him.Now what?

Update:

Should I stay so that we can be a family for the child or should I end it, kmowing i don't love him enough anymore to commit to him. I want so much to be married and have a complete family, but when he asked and I said no... I knew I was through. Stick it out for the kid or go?

9 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I think you should give yourself sometime. you may always love him but never find yourself in love with him again. And it's not fair to you, him or your baby if you marry him just because he's your babies father...marriage is a serious committment and the one thing you don't want to do is look back and say i shouldn't have... first honestly find out if your still in love with him and if your not keep it moving.

  • 1 decade ago

    Honey, the best thing for you to do right now, is to take care of your child. Whatever feelings that you do or don't have for the child's father probably aren't real anyway. Once you love someone, you never get to the point where you don't love them anymore. You may (I'm hypothetically speaking) be infatuated with the idea of having a complete family but not willing to accept the good along with the bad in a relationship...When he pushed away from you, you should've stepped back and gave him his room. If he was cheating it would come out. The only thing you needed to be concerned about was the welfare of the child.

    Sounds like the two of you should sit down and have a long talk about your future. But the first thing you should do is think about what you want with your life and for your child.

    Source(s): Life
  • 1 decade ago

    Hi

    I stayed in a physical and verbally abusive relationship for the sake of my children thinking that it was the right thing to do . But when my son turned 5 ( now 22 ) and my daughter 2 (now 20 ) I got the hell out of there .

    Yes , you want to be a family but for the wrong reasons , and besides with a young baby you need all of the emotional and financial support you can get from him . It is not an easy task being a single parent but I would rather be by myself raising my children than dealing with a non-respondent father .

    God Bless and take care

    C

  • 1 decade ago

    Staying in a relationship just for your kids is the worst thing that you could ever do... your child will eventually see that you are not happy and that will start to affect them... the best thing to do in be honest with your baby's father and let him know how you really feel.. it's better for the two of you to try and remain friends for the sake of your baby... but your baby's father needs to know that you are no longer in love with him so that you both can start to move on...

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  • 1 decade ago

    Okay, this is a really difficult situation you've got here. Marriage is a huge step. And honestly, you should only marry him if you are in love with him, remember, you're going to be with him for the rest of your life. But the thing you hafta remember about boys, is some of them have trouble showing their true feelings. And yeah, it gets hard to understand them sometimes, but oh well. What you should do is confront him about everything else. Yes, you still love him, but are you 'in love' wit him? There's a huge difference. Boys over react, but obviously, there was something that attracted you to him in the first place...think about what that is, and try and find it in him now.

  • Blue
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Never ever "stick it out for the kid." You are not doing the right thing for the child or for yourself.

    He should have been there for you from the beginning. Why he's come back now is hard to understand.

    Thank him, keep in touch, but move on.

  • 1 decade ago

    He's asking you a question, you can say no. Since you're no longer in love with him, saying yes would lead you into a relationship you're not happy with. Give it some more time and see where things go. He's in your life already with your child, but that's no reason to marry.

  • 1 decade ago

    You answered your own question. You dont love him enough to get married. I wouldnt stick with him because of the child, you will be miserable and end up divorced anyway, why put your child through that.

  • 1 decade ago

    If you don't love him you must move on. Don't marry him based on your child. In the long run it will not benefit your child to be part of a lovesless marriage.

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