Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

How do I come to love my step-daughter when...?

She is the daughter of the women my husband left me for. I knew this women through a line of friends. My husband left me for this women and I wanted to confront her after it happened. In the process of trying to find contact I got ahold of the husband she left. We ended married and now are much happier now that we are not with those stupid lying cheaters no more. I loved her little daughter before this all happened, but now when I look at this kid I just feel ill inside because I hate her mother so deeply. How do overcome this?????????? She still loves me and even acts like she rather visit with me more than her dad when she comes on week-ends. Help!!! Ick... she is the replica of her mother!

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  • Vix
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    " Help!!! Ick... she is the replica of her mother!"

    How dare you talk about that child that way! What's wrong with you? Seriously, you need to get over yourself already. You were married to a cheater and now you're marred to a great guy with a child that wants to love you. You should count your blessings, instead of projecting your feelings about the ex wife onto that poor little girl. Not only has that child never done a thing to warrant your vile attitude, she's had to endure much worse than you have. You got to go out and get another husband, better than the first. You’re an adult who had friends, family and a support system to help and get over the loss of your marriage. She’s just a kid, and she had to live through the affair and all the fights it must have caused, her parents splitting up, the remarriages, and now her step mother giving her nasty vibes! And you sit there and complain? Woman - get a grip, apologize to that poor kid (who knows that you hate her, even if you think you hide it), and learn to put the past in the past. You made the choice to have her mother be a part of your life when you married her ex-husband and took on the responsibility of helping to raise her daughter. Right now, it sounds like you’re not grown up or mature enough to raise yourself, much less someone else. I hope you get over it, for that poor kid’s sake, or you can bank on getting divorced again SOON. No father worth his salt will stand around and watch his wife refuse to bond with his child. If you need to, cowboy up and go talk to the ex wife, and work out your business with her, woman to woman. But taking out your impotent rage on that child is appalling, cowardly, and just plain wrong.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Just remember, it isn't this stepdaughter that committed the act with your husband. You also need to realize that when you marry someone with a child there will be problems that you accept with that choice. This step daughter should not be held accountable for the actions of her mother. She didn't force her mom or your husband for that matter to commit this deed. Place the blame where blame is due and accept this girl into your life as your husband's daughter - nothing more nothing less. She sounds as though she's sincere in how she feels about you. Give her a chance to prove to you that she is more like her dad than her mom and you might find yourself blessed with a daughter to be proud of. And by the way, if you truly love your husband, look at these cheaters as doing both of you a favor. If they hadn't been lowlife's to do what they did, you wouldn't have met your wonderful spouse and get such a warmhearted step daughter as a plus. My second wife actually thanked my first wife over the phone just six months after I married her for having an affair and causing a divorce. She told her it was the best thing in life anyone could have done for her! Good Luck.

  • 1 decade ago

    The little girl didn't do anything. It's not her fault that her mother is a slimebag. Remember that. My step-daughter is also mini-mommy too...and while I'm not enamoured with mommy, I love the girl because she's my husband's daughter...she's innocent, and sweet. Focus on the positive.

    Moreover, if you are REALLY, TRULY happy, then it doesn't matter what the ex-slugs have done. You found each other, you are lucky and blessed. Focus on that. Let go of the bitterness and be happy and grateful that you have a wonderful man, finally. Be grateful that she's a love. She could be a little witch. Would that be better?

  • 1 decade ago

    She may look like her mother, but she is just a kid. She is a different person than her mother and you shouldnt take your anger for her mother out on her. Try and spend a little more time with her and when you see how sweet she really is maybe at some point you will be able to get past it. Remember her age, and remember all of these breakups and new unions affect her life too, so just putting yourself in her spot might be just the key you need for putting this all into perspective. I wish you luck.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I am so sorry that you are even going through all this. the only thing that i can tell you that it will all go way with time. i know that you might still feel pain or anger when you think about it but time heals all wounds. but for now just be respectful of her and just basically grin and bare it. she is only a child so she had nothing to do with what her crazy mother did. Just pray about it and ask God to help you be removing those feelings out of your mind.

  • chikis
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    welcome to the club!!! your case is like WEIRD but oh well. I hate to have my hubby's daughter around because she looks just like her freaking mother!!! I know she is a kid and that she is not the mother therefore I shouldnt feel the way I feel about her but still, sometimes I'm like: damn, if she wouldnt exist i would be so damn happy! but then i face the reality and I believe I should try harder to like her. she is not nice to me though but the main thing here is that she is my hubby's daughter and I knew that from the very beginning so i gotta like the package he brought with him you know? try to do the same and dont forget that years will pass and time heals all.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I think this is normal, but you just have to remember that her daugher may resemble her mother but she is not her mother. She hasnt done anything to you and you just need to try to work on how you feel.

  • 1 decade ago

    This is God's child. You are commanded by God to love her, as well as her mother. She is a tiny human being who doesn't deserve your wrath or hatred. Learn to love her for who she is. Spend quality one on one time with her and you will grow to love her.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    So... your family tree looks more like a telephone pole?? Didn't you think this through when you were dating the ex-husband of your ex-husband's lover??

  • 1 decade ago

    It's not the child's fault that her mother is a TRAMP...If she loves you and shows you that she would rather be with you then you need to be grateful for that!!!

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