Jealousy......What the hell is my prob?

I tend to be totally jealous. I was even married for a few years and,yep, I was still jealous, mostly about ex-es! What the hell is wrong with me? I am a very confident person, why am I ruining all of my relationships with this rage???????Help

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I can relate to your problem and it can and did ruin a relationship. I too am a jealous person but my jealousy generally must be triggered for a reason. Example: After the bar closed one evening, my guy met up with this girl (townho) at the GRAVEYARD, I could go on and on with examples similar. He would ask me "why are you so jealous?" ...yes....I too am a very confident person. But if it smells like fish, its fish....if you show jealous fury, you have a reason to feel it.....Does your man keep in touch with the ex?

  • 1 decade ago

    I am the same way, I think mine steams from being cheated on in the past which ruined my self esteem. I cant help but be infuriated when I think my now fiancee is doing something behind my back. But my jealousy is now kinda under control cuz I know deep down he truly loves me and wont do anything to hurt me. I know where you are coming from when you think that your man wants someone else so bad he will sneak behind your back just to talk to them etc etc. The best thing you can do is be with someone who adores you without a doubt so you wont have this problem anymore. If you are so jealous of your current dude then ditch him cuz it will ruin your relationship to keep this anger up, its not good for you or him. Be with someone you dont have to be jealous over. Good Luck And what that guy said about not letting anyone have fun I think that is crock, i am sure you know how to have a good time and let other people have a good time without watching your man drool over some hussy in front of you, Am I right?

  • 1 decade ago

    maybe you were hurt before? usually when somebody gets hurt it's hard to trust anyone afterwards or it takes time. if you were never hurt in that way...then maybe your just a jealous person. it's not worth getting jealouse if the person is treating you right and there's no reason for you to question or worry about their ex's or past. either you learn to trust the person that your with and quit showing your jealous side or your going to live a single life. only time you have a right to be jealous is if when somebody cheats on you. but if noone has done this to you...give them a fair chance n' trust them. quit being jealous cuz the past is the past...they're with you and not the "ex" or the past for a reason.

  • 1 decade ago

    The problem is that you are NOT confident. You don't trust yourself at all. If you trusted yourself then you could trust others. If you don't trust yourself you will never be able to trust people.

    The same is true with love, honesty, integrity, commitment. If you aren't giving it, if it isn't coming from inside of YOU, if you expect that others can give you love, peace, etc., then you are living in a dream world. You are the creator of EVERY SINGLE THING IN YOUR LIFE - YOU CREATED IT!

    So if you want trustworthy, jealousy-free relationships you'd better start trusting and loving yourself - because no one but you can fix these character issues you have.

    FP

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  • 1 decade ago

    I have issues with this too and have learned that talking about what really is bothering you about these situations. who and what are you jealous about? (your partners ex-es?) Can you be give more info on this? Perhaps couple counseling or just for yourself would be a big help. sometimes you need another persons perspective other than you and your partners thoughts on this matter.

  • 1 decade ago

    You only think you are that confident...you also have an issue with self esteem...read below and take steps to change :-)

    How to Kill the Green-eyed Monster

    Nothing can ruin a relationship or marriage faster than jealously. Jealousy creates anxiety, anger, loneliness, hate, fear. No one thinks clearly when jealous.

    Having a relationship with a jealous person is tough. The jealous person acts untrusting or unworthy. Jealousy makes the person unattractive, even repulsive.

    No one wants a jealous mate and no one likes being jealous. So what causes jealousy?

    "Jealousy is the largest factor in breaking up marriages. Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person and the jealousy may or may not have foundation. This person is afraid of hidden communication lines and will do anything to try to uncover them." — L. Ron Hubbard

    When you are jealous, a line of communication is going on with your spouse or lover that is hidden from you. The mystery causes the pain. If you witnessed your spouse’s communication line, so it was not hidden from you, you would not feel jealous.

    Hidden communication lines or mysteries make you think of questions. "Will she find someone she likes better than me?" "Is he having an affair?" "Is she going to leave me?" "Does he think I’m unattractive?"

    When you are jealous, the mystery makes you assume the worst. "Maybe he’ll fall in love with his cute receptionist and leave me." "She’s going to lunch with her old boyfriend because she’s still attracted to him." "He’ll come home and tell me he wants a divorce."

    So how do you handle your feelings of jealousy? How do you deal with a spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend who is jealous?

    Solutions

    "Communication is the root of marital success from which a strong union can grow, and non-communication is the rock on which the ship will bash out her keel*." — L. Ron Hubbard (*Keel: The main structural part of a ship that goes from bow to stern—front to back.)

    If you are jealous, you need to communicate. You need to stop assuming the worst and ask questions. Communicate your feelings so you can work out solutions.

    Bob says to his wife, "I don’t want to feel this jealously. I want to get rid of it by asking you a question, okay? Good. So are you attracted to Joe?"

    His wife says, "Heavens no! Joe just wanted some help with his son. I love YOU like crazy!"

    Bang! The hidden communication is revealed. The mystery is resolved. Bob feels much better.

    If Bob doesn’t communicate, his wife’s communication with Joe makes Bob jealous, afraid and angry. Their marriage suffers.

    If your mate is jealous, make sure you have no hidden lines of communication. "Would you like to read this letter from Jill?" "Can you meet with Joe to help with his son?"

    Use communication to resolve the problem. For example, you notice Marcia is acting upset and not talking. You ask yourself, "What communication line might be hidden from Marcia?" You realize she’s been acting annoyed ever since you started working for an attractive female boss.

    "Marcia, have I told you about my new boss?" Marcia jumps up and now wants to talk. You communicate the facts and remove the mystery. Marcia is cheerful and wants to go to a movie.

    As well as using communication to resolve mysteries, communicate your feelings for your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend. Tell him or her how you feel. Express your love. Show your affection.

    Resolve the mysteries of the past. Discuss your feelings in the present. Make plans for the future. Because of communication, your relationship will be a big success.

    Jealousy comes about because of the insecurity of the jealous person. . . ..

  • 1 decade ago

    Dont be too hard on yourself. This is some kind of instinct gut feeling that is being triggered inside you about your spouse. Trust it, it is based upon a lifetime of knowledge and facts your brain has registered lying just under the conscious level of your mind. Its usually right.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I like jealous women.

  • 1 decade ago

    yeah, i have it too.

    but, everytime i feel that, i just went blindly trusted him.

    (it's kinda biblical, but it's effective for me)

    i just remember, that everything has its karma.

    if he cheat on me, then i assume he's not meant for me, and i will find a much better person.

    just repeatedly saying this to urself.

    goodluck!

    Source(s): personal experience
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    its b/c you have low self esteem and cannot stand stand the idea of someone doing something without your approval or having fun without you.

    best way to get over it is to just hate everyone then you wont be jealous of anyone

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