What do I do with my son?

Hes 11 years old and he has a serious attitude. Blaming me for everything,, and I want my little boy back. I never thought I would hear my son tell me to shut up. He has always been a very good boy. I dont know what to do. Help please.

26 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    If he's 11, then I'm afraid you waited too long to instill respect and boundaries. You're going to have to be a hell-cat of a mom until you get this under control, and it won't be easy for any of you. Set very tight boundaries as far as what is acceptable and unacceptable, and be consistent. Even when you're tired and even when you're busy. Instilling respect begins when they're 1, not when they're 7 or 9 or 11. But at 11, you stand a better chance now than waiting until he's 15. You'll need to be strict, but also add quality time with JUST him... no other siblings. You need to draw closer to him while you set tight limits, otherwise he'll think you're just being cruel. You might get behavioral compliance, but not trust. Good luck. I hope it's not too late.

  • 1 decade ago

    If you have a habit of giving in to him- well stop. This is a hard age I am sure you have heard this before but it truly is. KEEP FAITH!!!! Umm here are a few ideas- the next time there is a conflict between you two, and he reacts in the worng way(such as hollaring and telling you to shut up) sit him down and tell him VERY clearly that you are not going to take this behavior from him anymore. Let him know that there will be consequences. Such as no tv, no game, phone, etc. and FOLLOW thru with it. Find what he loves to do the most- threaten it and I think that u might see him try to do better.

  • 1 decade ago

    My 9 year old started to mumble under his breath when I 'd reprimand him - I nipped it right in the bud - I took the Play Station away (almost ripped it right out of the wall), the Game Boy - gone and the TV only when I said he could watch. I think it frighten him a little because I never really punished him before and stuck to it. IT WORKED!

    My mom always says boys go through 7 stages and they will try anything to see what they can get away with.

    I always tell my children to treat people the way they want to be treated because it will come back full circle and bite you right on the butt.

    Good Luck MOM you could do it!!

  • SKULL
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    You need to beat him and let him know he will not disrespect you. He is obviously getting this attitude from somewhere, take his video games away after smacking him around and see if he gets the hint that you are not going to put up with that crap.

    By the way, if your son is telling you to shut up, there probably hasn't been a defined level of discipline and or spanking of the child from early childhood. Parents that believe hitting there kids is wrong are fools, because that is the only way you are going to get through to an infant and young child. If they know there place instead of waiting until 11 where he has already tested boundaries for years, when his vocabulary improves, so will the disrespect!

    Don't listen to the person saying I make my kids pay 25 cents for not respecting me in my house, that is the stupidest comment I have seen for parenting in a long time. So let me ask you this, what do you do when you child commits a felony, make them pay you a whole $1.00 You should of been beating that kid when they were at an age to where they were going to respect you out of fear or not. It's like taking a terrorist after he is 30 years old and saying you know what dude, blowing yourself and killing innocent people is bad thing. You want to reach that person before they are 4 or 5 in most cases.

    Skull

  • How do you think about the answers? You can sign in to vote the answer.
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    This is a rough stage for all mothers. The stage where your little boy becomes a big, loud, obnoxious, teenager. From what I can tell he doesnt have a serious attitude, he's just being a teenager, and his hormones are going crazy. He probably has a problem at school with his friends or something, and he needs someone to vent his anger at.

  • 1 decade ago

    I'm turning fifteen in a week, and though I may not be 'qualified' for child discipline, I know how my parents' discipline affected me.

    I'm now extremely glad that I was punished as a child, however severely. I won't admit it to them now, but I'm thankful whenever they do. (Well, usually it takes a day or two 'till I calm down.)

    When I was eleven, if I mouthed off, my parents spanked me. And they weren't nice about it, either. Kids will mold to the standards you set for them - if they aren't doing it, then you don't truly have your standards high enough.

    Once, when I was little, I complained about the food at the dinner table. Because of this I was sent to my room with no dinner. I was furious, of course. My grandpa, visiting at the time, snuck in afterwards to give me some food, and I - starving and angry -still refused it for the simple reason that my parents had said no.

    Though I admit I have fallen from such moral uprightness recently, at that young age it was initially achieved by strict discipline. I thoroughly approve of spanking. It does not distance yourself from your children, it will not make them hate you, and it does not teach them that violence is okay.

    Indeed, I love my parents all the more for putting me through it. So crack down on him. At the slightest mess up, invoke a strict punishment. Once he begins to straighten up, you can be more lenient. You're not being mean, you're being loving.

    Source(s): My Life
  • 1 decade ago

    Would you have wanted to remain your Mom's 'baby' forever? Doubt it.But that doesn't mean you can't have a loving relationship with your child. I have 4 sons, you can develop a great relationship with your children even as they grow, but the groundwork needs to be laid now.

    You can NOT allow your child to talk to you this way.The next time he tells you to shut up you need to say something and quick. If this behavior is allowed to continue it will escalate so it's best to nip it in the bud now.

    When my oldest told me to shut up I told him this in a strong but not yelling tone. Excuse me? I am your Mother and you are not to speak to me that way, not now not ever. If you want to be treated with respect then you have to start by respecting me. If you continue to talk to me in that manner than you will be grounded from _______________ for _____- (amount of time). Do you understand? Now, do this each and EVERY time he does it. If it continues then ground him from something else or for longer periods until he figures those words are not going to get him anywhere. If he continues to disrespect you after you say do you understand, then send him to his room (no phone, no tv, no computer) until he is ready to speak to you like the young adult he is becoming.

    When he is calm explain to him your job as his parent is to ensure that he becomes a responsible adult and grows into a good man. You do not enjoy punishing him but will do so when he is disrespectful, disobeys, or lies. You want to keep communication open between the two of you work as a team but you can't do that if he does not give you the respect you deserve. You also can not give him the respect he deserves if he doesn't work with you.

    Your child is growing and testing his limits. Reward good behavior and promote communication. Your relationship with your son is changing but that doesn't mean you still can't enjoy being with your son. Celebrate this by helping him become a happy healthy responsible young man.

    There is a really great book on healthy boundaries I highly recommend.

    Boundaries with Kids

    Authors, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

    Boundaries with Teens

    Authors, by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

    A great website on Healthy Boudaries and parenting

    http://www.healthyboundaries.com/kids.php

    Source(s): Mother of 4 boys (ages 17, 13, 11, 10)
  • 1 decade ago

    Maybe that's the problem. You treated your son as a little boy. Even when children are little they need to be treated as though they are older. I see this problem with my landlords grandson. He is 6 and his mother still treats him like he is 3 years old. She has even said to me that she doesn't want him to grow up and to stay little forever. Think about it. Are you acting like that also? Do you want your 'little boy' to stay young forever?

  • 1 decade ago

    i havnt had much experiance with 11 year olds but my 3 year old daughter had a really bad attitude i started putting her on a chair in a corner "the naughty corner" and she stays there until she is ready to say shes sorry and if she trys to move i block her in. she doesnt like it but it always works every time. i dont know your son so its hard to say if it would work for you or not and l know it sounds cruel and trust me it feels it as well but if it works its worth it and it really does change the child for the better.

  • 1 decade ago

    You won't get your little boy back. Unfortunately he is growing up, trying to understand the world.

    Are you trying to be his friend? If so, STOP! You are a parent first and foremost. Be a parent, not a friend. It may be hard, but it will pay off in the end.

    I highly recommend taking a "parents of teens" class. Many churches will offer these classes. Talk to your pastor as well.

Still have questions? Get your answers by asking now.