1. For my fiance, how much time would I need to give him before I know if he can change? Is this something that one can even change about themselves? NO, PEOPLE DON'T CHANGE--HE SOUNDS LIKE A TOTAL LUMP. 2. Should I cancel/postpone our wedding? CANCEL 3. Our mutual friend - what do I do about that? SEE IF IT GROWS. I'd like to at least stay friends, but I don't know how realistic that is, considering our feelings for one another. How would I know if he's a better match for me? FROM WHAT I READ ABOVE THE FINANCE IS NO MATCH AT ALL--IF THIS ONE ISN'T THE ONE, SO WHAT? YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF ALONE THAN WITH THE FINANCE. FROM WHAT YOU WROTE, YOUR LIFE WOULD BE AN EMPTY HOLLOW HELL IF YOU WENT FORWARD WITH THE MARRIAGE. THE ONLY THING YOU TWO HAVE IN COMMON IS A CHILD, THE REST IS TRAGIC. SEEMS LIKE THE MUTUAL FRIEND IS YOUR SOUL MATE, OF COURSE THERE IS NO TELLING WHAT SKELETONS HE HAS IN THE CLOSET AND WHAT YOU HAVEN'T FOUND OUT. BUT FROM WHAT YOU WROTE, HE ACCEPTS YOU AS YOU ARE, COMPLIMENTS YOUR INTELLECT, STIMULATES YOUR PASSION FOR LIFE AND RESPECTS YOU. FINALLY, CLEARLY YOU ARE AN INTELLIGENT AND EXPRESSIVE YOUNG WOMAN, I THINK YOU WILL BE MISERABLE WITH THE FINANCE, AND YOU WILL REGRET GOING FORWARD WITH THE MARRIAGE......peace and all the best. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please, no rude comments. I know I shouldn't have gotten into this situation, but it wasn't intentional and I'm trying to do the best I can to handle it the right way. Thanks.