somebody please inform me of the big deal about the proposal?

I live with by boyfriend. I am 23 and he is 26. We are both in school. We have known each other for about 4 years and have been dating/living together for 9 months--we even have joint accounts. Before that, we were just friends. Anyway, he tells me that I am the one for him and that we will get married one day...that' s not the problem, but we live like we are married now. We are in grad school, so I don't want to get married yet, becasue it would be easier later for financial reasons, but why do you think he won't propose? Do you think it's still like the old saying 'why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free'? I have a hard time accepting that though, becasue he brought up the getting married idea...I was too afraid to bring it up, for fear that it woudl scare him away. You opinion is greatly appreciated! Have a good day.


What I am saying here is that I want to be engaged now until we get out of school...I like the idea of a long engagement.

7 Answers

  • jw
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Best Answer

    Your life parallels my own - save for gender.

    I have been married three times. To the same woman. OK, thats a bit misleading...we were married and have had two additional ceremonies.

    We went to grad school together. We got married in grad school. Was it some big fancy ceremony? No. We went to court and paid the 25.00 to the judge. Simple gold band for each of us (Only jewelry I or she owns (she hates jewelry) to this day (15 years).

    We did it to be more proper. We lived together. We had joint accounts. But the differing last names on the checks bothered us. So we got married. For new checks. Hmmm, maybe not the best reason to get married! Kidding, married her because I loved her and the money didn't matter.

    And it gets better. She got pregnant. Ooops. Now I was working, going to Grad School and dealing with preggie wife. Oh man its a miracle I have any hair left.

    To be more serious...bring it up with him. Talk to him about it. Forget the money and the big wedding for now. We had two ceremonies later (one here, the other on Kuta Beach in Bali) when we could afford it.

    Good luck. And hang in there. It may seem hard now but 10 years from now you will both be on easy street.

  • 1 decade ago

    He gets the milk for free. That's why he won't buy the cow.

    You have been taken for a ride. Unless he wants to marry you, get the cow out of the barn, unless you like the idea of being milked forever and played for a fool.

    "Bringing up" marriage was something he did to drag you along. Bringing it up is not the same as marrying you.

    Living together is not the same as marriage. You can't see it because you haven't been married. Ask anyone married 5+ years, they'll tell you the same thing.

  • 1 decade ago

    Well maybe your boyfriend is just waiting for the right time to ask you to marry him. I mean he already told you that one day he wants to marry you so maybe now he wants to wait and make it special for you when he does propose. I don't think that whole saying about the cow is defintley the case here. I would give him some time and see if he comes out and asks you on his own. But if you are waiting too long like in the terms of yrs then you know for sure that he's just dragging his feet. Worse comes to worse if this really is a pressing issue for you and you don't want to wait to see if and when he might propose then just openly talk to him about it. If your honest with him atleast he will know what is really going on in your head and then you will also feel better knowing for sure what is going on. Good luck!

  • Amber
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    I am sure he will propose when the time is right. He is probably saving for the perfect ring, and planning it out for when u least expect it. Relax and just know that special night will come when he asks u, and it will be special because he would have put some thought into it. No guy wants to propose if he thinks the woman is waiting for it.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If you are happy with him, in love, living together and otherwise having no issues, why do you need a piece of paper telling you that you are married?

    Just enjoy being with him. He'll feed off that good feeling and want to stay with you.

  • 1 decade ago

    Maybe he just isn't ready to ask you or he can't afford the ring he would love to get you. There are millions of reasons as of why. If you say your not ready to get married now, why would you think he would. He is probably following your vibe if anything. I wouldn't worry about it. If he is in love with you, like it seems, he'll ask you when you are both ready.

  • 1 decade ago

    May be he is scared to do so if you haven't told him how you feel about it.And you have to know marriage is not only about living together but much more so if you want to have that life tell him how you exactly feel.

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