Is he really an abuseive husband?

I have been having problems with my husband resontly. As a child I believe he was mentaly, maybe even sexualy abused by his father. The thing is I am his wife and he will not tell me a thing about his past. He says what is before our marrage is his bisness. resently I have been talking to him about some problems in our marrage. Everytime I bring it up he makes a joke about it and avoids the conversation. One time in our room it got so bad that he held me down on the bed and pounded his forhead of mine and said you are not leaving me *****. Anothertime I brought up the fact of how good of friends me and his best friend had become. Again in our room he had his hand around my throut. He said it was all in play? I dont know what to think. I want a divorce but he said he will take everything I have (house, land, savings account.) Sence I came into the marrage with all this. He came with nothing. I am afraid to leave him. What do I do?

25 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Take it from someone who is not a joke, it will only get worse.

    PLEASE get in contact with a domestic abuse hotline...there is someone there that you can talk to..someone who is not there to judge you...just help you.

    THey can tell you what to do to get out...or just be there for you..whatever you need.

    Here is a link to the national domestic abuse agency

    phone number is 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

    you can call from home, it wont appear on your phone bill, just call a different number after you call it so he cant hit redial and find out who you called

    Good luck! Please get some help from this agency or a local one!

  • 1 decade ago

    Is he an abusive husband? I'm pretty sure you know the answer to this question. You probably just want an outsider view. At this rate, things could you get. Seek for professional help for your husband. If not, run; run as far as you can. A normal man with clear mind would never done what your husband had done to you to any girls; let alone his wife. He has a mental problem as far as you could tell. He could be hot-temper by days as little thing switches his temper. Once divorce, you two belongings will be split in half by lawyer. But for your own security, ask a divorce lawyer and any personal friends you can talk to to confirm this statement. I wish you the best of luck.


  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Hey Cathy,

    He sounds as abusive as they come! Don't put up with it! Verbal abuse is AS bad! Get out your ph. book and in the yellow pages there is an Abuse Hotline------DON'T hesitate! The worst thing is being afraid of the GUY!

    They hold things over you and they know that will make you back down, so don't play into this! He doesn't know what he is saying about property, etc.!!!!!

    See, I know what it's like and I'm sorry you're going through this.

    I grew up in this kind of nightmare, as well. My Father, too was abused by his Father growing up, then he didn't know how to treat my Siblings and I and as a result, we had alot of childhood problems and relationship problems, then my mom broke up with him when I turned 15 and I didn't have a Dad, so to speak. In turn, I was involved in abusive relationships and wasn't able to recognize that the things I went through were abuse, once I turned into my ":teens".

    THE THING IS, don't wait for when your Husband doesn't joke around! He could have a quick and mean temper and you could very well get hurt next time, SO, do something now and call the Abuse hotline. Someone there will direct you what to do and they have places you can stay!

    His threatening you IS also ABUSE! And he's wrong about the laws-------------being he came in with nothing, he would have to split everything 50/50 in a Divorce, and that's what I was told by a Lawyer.

    I know "the game" and this man will get you scared to see that you do nothing! Don't let him! Believe me!

    You would have more to gain getting away from him! Do it for yourself, you shouldn't live being abused!

    Ck in with me about what happens!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    He can not take everything away from you. One of you will have the house or part of it and part of all the other things. Gee, I guess I would really push to get away without anything if I had to put up with that. Make a plan, just in case..where you can go and get away quickly if you have to..stay with a relative, keep this letter you wrote and give it to a trusting relative. People who come from these families only make your life miserable, and they will say anything to make you believe you have to stay miserable with them. He is treatening you so I would get a restraining order. Just ask him why he doesn't move out and have a better life with someone else. Maybe he will consider that, and leave you alone and he will move out.

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  • Al B
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    see an attorney but I think that because he came onto the marriage with nothing he will get nothing when it ends. He is abusive and no person deserves that. look at for more information of domestic violence if he leaves any marks on you at all make a police report and get a restraining order against him. An attorney can tell you the best way to go in your area and they don't usually charge for a first consultation.

  • 1 decade ago

    I hate to say it but yes he is being abusive. It just depends how much you can handle. And depending on where you live, he could be entitled to half of everything whether it was yours before or not. It's the community property law. You should try to tell him how you really feel and that you want to get counseling to resolve your issues together and see what he says about it. If you really do want a divorce, then you will have to be smart about it and get a really good attorney. Good luck!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You are a battered woman. And it is just a matter of time before you will get seriously hurt or killed. Call a women's advocacy group and tell them the situation. You need to get away from him.

    Go to a lawyer. If all of what you brought into the marriage is premarital property ... both real and personal .. .then it is YOURS. Real and personal property acquired during the marriage is subject to being divided.

    But you MUST get away from him. NOW!!

  • 1 decade ago

    his violence will progressively get worse. I would say take the money and run, but truth is you should get a good attorney and leave as soon as possible. he should not be able to take everything, but he might try to get half. Still if you get out with your life, you can't put a price on that.

    Also, dear, if he gets physical with you again, go to the police and get a report filed and on record. And then don't be alone with him again.

    Best wishes dear! Get out while you can.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Call the police. I also think that you should get out right now. Leave without telling him, maybe when he is at work or something. Stay with a friend. But get out of the relationship as soon as possible.

  • 1 decade ago

    He definitley seems to have the tendencies of being abusive,,, BE VERY careful as he never should have laid his hands on you like that... Is he seeking help and counseling for his past and abuse that he had from his father???? If you want a divorce then leave him and seperate and then file.

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