Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingToddler & Preschooler · 1 decade ago

My 4 year old son is attached to this girl that is nothing more to me than sex?

Ive been "seeing" this girl for four months now. Were not dating, were just hooking up alot. I have a four year old son, hes mom left us right after he was born. This girl know that were not or never will be more than what we are now and were both ok with that. Well lately my son has been asking for her all the time. Shes so nice to him and she really cares about him alot, i honestly think she even loves him. Everything was fine until 3 days ago when he called her mommy, right away he corrected himself and said i mean ashley but its scaring me, hes so attached to her and i know its not going anywhere. Please tell me what you think i should do about this.

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  • 1 decade ago
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    wow what a screwed up person you are..... Here are many many

    answers....NOW QUIT ASKING THIS

    First of all, in the future learn from this SERIOUS mistake. DO NOT BRING A WOMAN AROUND YOUR SON UNLESS IT IS VERY SERIOUS! Even then, I would be hesitant. This is going to cause him some serious emotional pain. I would sit down and talk to this girl. Be nice. In other words, don't tell her that you are a jackass and she has meant nothing more than sex to you. Lie to her and tell her you care but there is some (make up a good one) reason why it cannot work out. Ask for her help with easing your son into this transition. Hopefully, she will. She seems like a decent person, hopefully in the future your son's father will be as wel

    It's your fault that you introduced your son to a piece of as s. Have some common sense next time. Don't subject your son to a life of women coming and going. His mom already did it to him, don't have other women do it to him too.

    I guess the moral of the story is dont introduce anyone to your kids unless you plan to make it a permanent arrangement. Now you have deal with the psychological damage done to your son created by this friends with benefits situation.

    why in the world would you allow anyone you do not take seriously to even MEET your son? being a father is more important. I;m not saying not to date or gets your needs taken care of but find a babysitter go out. do not bring a woman home to meet your son unless you are planning to make a life with her. women may come and go in your life but your son deserves better than that. you are going to have to talk to your son and this woman needs to stop coming around. Tell her you can only see her alone because you do not want your son attached to her in that way because it's for his own good. She will be hurt but it's whats best. your son will be hurt for a time also but better now than to let this continue.

    If she wasn't meant to be anything, than you really shouldn't have brought her home for him to meet. It doesn't help that she's nice to him. A child needs a mother figure in his life and it just so happens that she is around. When you stop seeing her, he will have to be forced to see that yet another person walks out of his life. He understands more than you probably give him credit for. In life many people will come in and out of his life, so I wouldn't stress because as he gets older he will understand more and more

    Either move into a commited, long term relationship with "this girl" or stop seeing her immediately. Ultimately, the needs of your child are vastly more important than yours. Don't confuse your son for a hook-up. And don't even think about explaining it to him--there is no way a 4 year old can distinguish between a female adult in a permanent loving relationship with his father and a female adult in a sexual relationship with his father.

    You should not be bringing some woman who you have no true interest in around your son. Your son should only be introduced to a woman after you and she have decided to be serious. You should really feel ashamed of your actions because imagine how it is going to affect your son if you continue to bring women around who you only want one thing from.

    You will have to do what most women do when dating or meeting a **** buddy and that meet that person else where. This pattern most be maintain until you are sure that this person will be around for a while. Otherwise you will find yourself in this situation all the time. Children have not way of understanding this type of relationship as anything other than mom and or dad.

    As a single parent, you should be selective of who you introduce to your child. I know single mothers who have a new guy living with them every month. That must have a negative effect upon their children's developement. Children require a stable loving environment to develope properly. You should spend more time thinking about your son's well being and less time thinking about your sex life. Try growing some moral fiber. Set a good example for your son jerk.

    ooooo.......you might want to be a little less selfish!!!

    stop thinking about you and start acting mature be a father ....obviously the kid has needs too you know and a mother figures is all his asking for so think of him and his future.....

    i think its time for you to fall in love with this girl or leave her. But i do say this its rare to find some one to care for your kids as theres when blood isnt tying them.....

    good luck !!!

    No offense, but do you stop to think what you are putting your son through just to get a piece? If you make the decision to have children, you should also be responsible enough to NOT DATE until the child is 18 if things do not work out with the other parent. Losing his mother is enough, watching you skirt around is something he doesn't need to see.

    You should try to control your overactive imagination, and occupy your free time with more "Grand Theft Auto 3" video games, and refrain from smelling your female neighbors bicycle seat, while concocting these stories.

    Lest, I inform your parents.... kid.

    if its just sex y bring this woman around ur child. not a good example. no wonder he is confused an called her mommy

    Explain to him that she is just a close freind. But do not tell him he can not enjoy her love. He is missing something in his life and if she provides it even part time let him enjoy it.

    Maybe it is time to find someone who would be there for him in the future?

    When she moves on in her life it will hurt him, but if you allow her to remain in his life it would be better then and now.

    Children need as many people around them that will give them love and support as possible. You can not protect him from future pain by denying him her love, that would be wrong.

    You should have thought about that before you just let your son see any woman.

    There's little to do now. When you and this girl decide to break it off, you'll have to explain to your son that she's busy or something. He'll forget about her eventually. But in the future, if you decide to have a similar realationship, you need to shelter your son from it. I have a 3 year old and I am still with his mother, but there was a considerable period of time when we were broken up. I was very cautious to allow the girls I was dating during that time to visit with my son sparingly.

    This girl should have been seperate from your sons life right from the get go. Obviously he knows she is more than a friend so you must be doing things in front of him that he picks up on, such as kissing, hugging and so forth. That needs to stop.

    The only way you can not have him get attached to your special friends is to introduce them as friends and keep your hands to yourselves if he is in the same room.

    If you can't keep from being romantic in front of him then you need to accept the fact that he will be confused if you don't commit to this person / or persons and you are just harming him emotionally.

    Keep your bed mates only for the bed, not during your time with your son unless you are committed to them.

    Why confuse your son and btw, is this really what you want your son to grow up thinking? That women are worth sleeping with but nothing more? Just keep your 2 lives seperate until he is much older.

    I THINK THE PROBLEM LIES WITHIN YOU!!! WHY DON'T U DO SOMETHING TO BENEFIT YOU POOR FAMILY INSTEAD OF JUST YOURSELF YOU BEING REALLY SELFISH!

    i don't think that was a good idea in the 1st place to bring her to meet you son if your not going to date her

    I think if you are going to still see her you should not bring her home to your son. He is going to get way too attached-if not already.

    The kid needs a father that gives a shiit about him,

    Any chance you could step up to the plate ?

    Like yesterday ? No wonder your wife left . .

    stop messing with peoples feelings, everyone is going to end up getting hurt, not just your son. Learn from this error and slow things down in the future. Good luck

    Your son is looking for that Mommy figure and since shes the one that he sees all the time, hes become attached. Im sure it will happen alos with any female that walks through your door. Just a word of advice. Do not bring any more females around him unless you are in a serious relationship. He will get very attached.

    When there is a child involved it is very hard to have a privet life because of the fact that they are your life! I think it is a mistake to bring her over so much if the relationship is not that serious. Kids do not understand it is just sex they just see the person. If you care about your son witch I think you do. You should keep you lady friends separate from your home life! Remember that he is always watching you and will never stop. You have to think of him more then sex! I don't mean to be rude but I have been through that and I would never want my kids to be hurt or let down because of what I chose to do. Make sense? I hope that you find a balance that works for you as well as your son!

    You've turned this women into a mother-figure in the life of your motherless son and you really only have yourself to blame. If you didn't care for her, you shouldn't have let her so close to your son. Now you just have to grin and bear it. He's a child looking for a mother and he's found her in this woman who cares for him and loves him.

    Breaking that relationship up now could emotionally harm your son, especially since he's at an age where having a mother is so important. Even if you break up with this girl, all you can do is maintain your son's relationship with her for as long as he needs it as you have to put him before yourself. And thank your lucky stars that she reciprocates his love as some people end up with partners who treat the kids like crap.

    You need to stop introducing your son to women in you life that are just there for sex, if they are not someone important in your life then no need to introduce them to him. Keep that life separate from your child.

    your son has become attached to her, because it's like a mother figure. I remember when that happened to me and my sisters. We were little and I think only time helps.

    Personally, I think that losing this girl to your osn has been like losing a pet. I'm not calling her an animal.. but if she means nothing more to you then you can't be around her just for your son's sake. He'll get over it in time.

    Thats all it is.........he misses that mother figure in his life......so the first female thats been around for some time and treating him as her own of course hes gonna get attached to her and anybody else that shows him that "mother figure" attention..........Thats why u have to be careful who u bring around your children, u never know how much your actions affect their lives..........Good luck to u and Take Care of lil man..........

    Once again STOP POSTING THE SAME QUESTION!!! IT IS ANNOYING, HOW OLD ARE YOU? 10?

    In the future, don't involve your son with your flings. You should wait until you know it's someone you want in you and your son's life before adding her to your family. P.s., he'll get over it. Just do more things with/for him for awhile.

    You should never ever introduce your child to a fuke buddy.

    Only time to introduce him to a woman is when you have decided to marry.

    Sleeping with a woman while your child is in the same house is just so wrong.Your son figures.. "Well Daddy likes her, I like her too.'He doesn't understand sex.

    This child is in mourning.help him to accept his loss and move on. Let him take as much time as he needs.You need to spend a lot of time with him, just the two of you doing special things.Even just playing a board game, but spend that time together. Assure him that you will never leave him like your Gf just did.He is scared of abandonment.First his Mom, now this woman.

    Perhaps go buy a parenting book or take a class.

    Well, you are a scumbag for ******* some girl for the only reason of sex. On top of that, you have some other progeny from some other real "winner" that is being exposed to this. Do society a favor and eat the business end of a Mossberg.

    Give him lots of love and extra attention. Explain that sometimes friendships/relationships change and end, but that you'll always be there with him because you're family. Since you don't want Ashley around, and it doesn't sound like you're exactly friends, I say don't bring her around him. I don't think it will make him feel better, and since you and Ashley don't have much of a relationship, what would be the point?

    As a single parent myself, I think the best advice is to not be so quick to introduce your son to girls who mean nothing to you. Wait until you meet someone you're sure you want a long-term relationship with, and then let him form an attachment. He's too little to understand casual relationships, so don't expose him to them. Just my 2 cents

    First off, you understand that right now, your son is feeling abandoned. He was abandoned by his mom, and when Ashley was around, he identified her as a mother figure. Her leaving him did the abandoning all over again.

    You have yourself a very touchy situation. What I would recommend is what my sister did. She was a single mother with a three year old from a previous relationship. She never took a guy home to meet her son. The one guy the son met was the one that ended up asking my sister to marry her. She took her now-husband home to meet her son when they had been seeing one another seriously for nine months. She did this to prevent her son going through what your son is going through right now.

    What I would do to aid your son in all of this is allow him and Ashley to see one another once a week. She is his friend, and she should be allowed to see him. It should be explained to your son that Ashley and daddy are no longer with one another, but she is your son's friend, and they can do something special, like friends would, such as go out for lunch, or go to the park, or something they would both enjoy doing with one another. This will give you some time to yourself, and it would allow your son to realize that just because Ashley and daddy aren't together any longer doesn't mean that she doesn't like him. I am sure he feels very bad, and feels like maybe it was something he did to drive Ashley away. You need to consider his feelings now, as well as your own, for someone.

    i am wondering y u would let your child get attached to a girl u feel like that about in the first place. u should only be introducing your child to people that you are serious about...this will spare him going through a break up that was always going to happen.... his mother left him.. now this girl has left him... how many other people are you going to let leave this poor kid before u get a clue???

    One idea is to talk to your ex girlfriend and ask her if she would like to babysit...or care for your son at times...pay her.

    You have got to think about the implications of bringing someone into your child's life! I realize that we all need companionship...but, with children, you have to use your large head. What if she ended up being nasty to him?

    Your ex apparently gave time and love to your son and you shat on it.

    He's gonna take awhile to get over it, you should probably learn to keep girls away from your son until your serious with them, you're only going to continue to hurt him, he's gonna wonder why all the women he cares for keep leaving him. Do you have a sister or friend who could fill in, he's missing that woman's touch.

    At this point it sounds like Ashely and yourself aren't seeing eye so I would jsut let him miss her until he gets over it. You need to talk to him and let him know you will always be there, and who else he can count on to always be there- gramma maybe?

    You should never bring people into your children's lives while you're dating! For the very reason that brings you to ask this very question.

    When you get engaged, then you bring them into your child's life.

    Maybe you should be a father to your son instead of "fooling around" with girls you know you aren't serious about. Keep your dating life separate from your son until you are absolutely sure you have a foreseeable future with the person--then introduce them.

    Young children do get attached very easily, but that does not mean that they get un-attached as easily. It hurts for kids to have someone whom they've grown very close to leave suddenly. Don't expose your child to taht kind of unnecessary pain.

    Man, just let your kid play with her as a friend. When he grows up he will understand.

    Pray for me man.

    I think that you are cruel for having let your son have contact with this woman and letting him get attached to her knowing that there is no future. If your gonna fool around then fine but how dare you drag your son into it.

    first of all you should realize that it's not a good idea to be introducing fu** buddies to your kds it's not good for them.. At 4 they think they did something wrong and that's why she left. Cause now she didn't just leave you. It is going to take time for him to get over it just let him know why she left and that it's not his fault. He wants that mother figure in his life. Next time don't bring the girl by to meet your son if it's not going to be for the rest of your life. I was a single mom of two and I never let them know I was dating untill I knew it was a relationship now I'm married w/ 3 kids. Do what's best for your son and not what's easiest for you.

    hmm how about the next time you bring someone into your and your SONS life you consider what ashley taught you. Dont be a stupid male **** and bring people into your sons life through a revolving door. You actually let your son get attatched to someone you wanted just for sex???? Shame on you. DO you really have his best interest at heart? THink with your head next time because what you did knowingly was plain cruel and im seriously and honestly discusted.

    i think that you should let him have something to do with her still if she was good to him and she wanted to have something to do with him . he needs a mom figure in his life so it would be good if you would let it be her since he likes her so much.

    My heart goes out to your son. At his age relationships are very important, as is repetition. Just as he feels security in watching the same TV show and playing the same game and reading the same book everyday, he has also gotten security from seeing Ashley's face everyday. It must be hard for him to understand why he doesn't have a mom, and why Ashley left. It's not unusual for children to blame themselves for our decisions. I think it's obvious that he and Ashley developed a very strong bond. My question is 'Who would it hurt to let them continue being friends?' Maybe now you will be more discriminant about who you bring around your child.

    You may want to read this article http://www.healthadel.com/articles/9/1/d... i found will be useful also has info on different treatments.

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    well i think that is enough answers for that.....not to mention your apparently married....here's my "proof".....

    Cole B

    I like a girl who is 15, im 30?

    shes my 9 year old sons tutor and babysitter, he even has a crush on her and I find her irresistable, beautiful, funny, PERFECT

    i really just want my feelings for her to stop before it ruins my marriage and my life. What do i do ?

    3 days ago - 23 hours left to answer. - 31 answers

    here are some answers you got for that!

    you need counseling and I think you are a liar! I just looked at your other questions and you said "I hate my girlfriends 2 year old son" you are a ****** freak you are not married nor do you have a 9 year old son....pathological liar shoot yourself.

    Go have sex with your wife? That might sound rude and everything, sorry, but maybe that is the answer? Or go out on a date with your wife?

    Kick yourself....then stay as far away from her as possible. Remind yourself of what you have and what you can loose...

    find your son a new tutor. dont be around the girl anymore. that is statutory rape and with the age difference you would be going to jail for a long time. leave her alone and dont let her back in your home or near you

    Hello YOUR MARRIED!!! Does your wife know you have this problem? I think you should get your son a new tutor, especially if he likes her too.

    by looking at your other questions, I believe you're lying. however, how do I know? exactly. I don't. so, I'm going to answer this anyways. you have a wife, a son, and your life is all planned out for you. don't screw it up by hitting on a 15 year old. c'mon, she's a child! leave her be, or she may tell her parents. you don't want to get in trouble with the law, do ya? let it go. if you don't, how are you going to explain that to your family. are you just gonna say, "honey, I like a 15 year old, and I think we need to divorce", or, "son, I like your tutor, so your mother and I are divorcing. hope ya don't mind." DON'T ruin your life. she's probaby an immature teen anyways. I'm 11 and my sister is 13. people around her age act different than what you're seeing in this 15 year old. if you were to be around her for a while, you'd see the mistake. just because she's beautiful doesn't mean anything about her personality. let it go.

    All of your questions are about you and your son and jealously and inappropriate desires. Unless you are in this just to be told to get into therapy - quick - you are just going to be told to get into therapy with a lot of put-down statements. Either get into therapy and tell us of your success as you go or change the subject. Your talk about your son is troubling. I rather suspect OJ mumbled questions like this to himself and he is a sociopath/narcissist. Be careful.

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    I hate my girlfriends 2 year old son !!!?

    my girlfriend is 19 years old and she has a 2 year old son. I love my girlfriend more than anything, weve been dating for almost a year and a half now. Her son is so irritating though. Everytime she puts him down he cries. Hes constantly getting in our bed at night and laying on top of me which wakes me up. He always wants to be on my lap or something. I didnt really hate him until the other day when he called me daddy. It sounds sweet but it disgusted me !!!! We cant even have sex anymore without him interupting us !! I dont know what to do about it what do you think ?

    1 day ago - 2 days left to answer. - 45 answers

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    I only said i love you to sleep with her. how do i tell her ?

    it was her 1st time, now shes attached... she AGGRAVATES THE SH IT OUTTA ME how do i tell her i only said i love her to get some ?

    1 week ago - 27 answers - Report Abuse

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    How do I tell my ex I dont want her around my son anymore ?

    While my ex and i were dating (for about 6 months) my 4 year old son (whos mom left 3 years ago) got really attached to her, and she got just as attached to him. He loves her and she loves him like he were her own. I decided a couple of days ago I didnt want them to have any contact, hes VERY upset but im only doing what i think is best for him. Hes upset but ive talked to him about it, i just dont know what to say to her. Any suggestions ?

    And even if i did decide to let her see him and even if she wanted to adopt him one day, would that be legal, could she adopt him ? (you know like adopt when people get married and the kids are adopted by the spouse)

    1 week ago (Tiebreaker) - 11 answers - Report Abuse

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  • 1 decade ago

    This is why you should keep your "lovelife" separate from your child until you feel confident & ready that the person you are with will share in your son's life as well. This way you won't have to go through situations like this.

    Children at this age are very susceptible to many things and we must be very careful what & who we invite into our lives.

    I'm a single mom of a 2 year old & right now I have no desire of wanting a friend of any sorts but I'm sure many, many eons from now that may change. And when it does my son will not meet this person unless I know it will be a concrete relationship that may ultimately end up in marriage. I already made one mistake falling in love w/ an idiot (his father) so I can't go for round 2.

    At this point your son is obviously attached. 4 year olds are much smarter than we give them credit. Sit down with him first & explain the situation, the type of friendship you have (well, w/o the actual details). Allow your son to voice his opinions, to share his thoughts & feelings and it may work out after all and STOP bringing her near him unless you are serious about her!

    Remember, right now it's about HIS life!

    Good luck & best wishes.

  • 1 decade ago

    You need to "phase out" his exposure to her by not bringing her around when he is there.

    When people aren't serious in a relationship they shouldn't allow their children to get to know the person very well. They should instead go out and see the other person away from the house. If the person comes to pick up the parent they should just ring the doorbell, say "hi" to the child, and both adults should leave the house.

    Now that you've got the problem: I think you should tell him she is a friend, and he shouldn't call her "mommy". Keep her time around him to a minimum (yes, its inconvenient but that's the price someone has to pay when they're a parent who doesn't want their child confused - when this person stops showing up another one may, and on and on - it isn't good for a child to have a string of "aunties" or, worse, "mommies".

    I think when he asks for her you should say something like, "Ashley's a nice friend, isn't she; but she's busy working right now, so we may not see her for a while."

  • Anonymous
    4 years ago

    Give him lots of love and extra attention. Explain that sometimes friendships/relationships change and end, but that you'll always be there with him because you're family. Since you don't want Ashley around, and it doesn't sound like you're exactly friends, I say don't bring her around him. I don't think it will make him feel better, and since you and Ashley don't have much of a relationship, what would be the point? As a single parent myself, I think the best advice is to not be so quick to introduce your son to girls who mean nothing to you. Wait until you meet someone you're sure you want a long-term relationship with, and then let him form an attachment. He's too little to understand casual relationships, so don't expose him to them. Just my 2 cents.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I to was a single mother. But I never had my son around anyone I was just casually dating and he was under a year at the time so he probably wouldn't of even noticed or cared. But children learn from example. I agree with everyone else. Keep the two seperate cause it sounds like both of their hearts will be broken. Also maybe you should change your priorites...find someone worth dating who would be a positive role model for your son. He deserves a mother or at least someone who can be his friend.

  • 1 decade ago

    You should be thinking about how what you're doing affects him. You have this woman who hangs around all the time and (I assume) you display affection in front of him. Can you blame him for being confused?

    Explain to him that you're just friends and then keep your private life private. Its ok if you all hang out together, but obviously not as much as you have. Obviously you're worried about how he might take it if (when) the girl isn't in your life anymore. And you should be - I know it might be a cramp on your style, but you have to do the best thing for your son.

    Oh yeah, and I'd seriously consider stopping the screwing around, unless that is how you want your son to grow up treating women. If you must do it, do it in private!

  • 1 decade ago

    You should think about your son, before you bring girls around. IF they are meaning less sex, bring them over after he goes to sleep. Your also going to make it hard on Ashley. When and if you move on, she will still have a bond with your son. Be smart, and keep both relationships separate.

  • 1 decade ago

    Well Cole, what did you expect. You are mature and can chose the basis of your relationships, your son cannot.

    Learn from the lesson. Single parenthood is difficult for this and may other reasons.

    If this relationship is just sex, end it now. Fulfill your needs on your own, and protect your son from forming false attachments. \

    I am a single parent, I know it is difficult, but you simply have to seperate these two aspects of your life.

  • 1 decade ago

    If you know its not going to go anywhere with this girl, then she should not be around your 4-year-old who wants a mommy. Period. Its only hurting your son. You need to keep the two COMPLETELY separate!! Do not let your son be around your hook-ups. Ever.

  • 1 decade ago

    He sees her as a female figure that is kind and nurturing to him, and is around a lot, so he's trying to "replace" his mom- or express his feelings of needing a mom. It's natural.

    This is a delicate situation...and I know it's a bit late but prevention is better than cure. Please in the future be careful about exposing him to women that you are not serious about.

    I don't know any way out of it without hurting your little boy. He's always going to be looking for a mother figure.

  • 1 decade ago

    Too late now, should have kept her away from your kid. You're not gonna do anything about it, his little heart will be broken. I've dated a couple of people since I divorced, but I absolutely refused to introduce my children to anyone until I was with someone I know I want to have in my life for the long haul. It's so hard on kids to keep losing people they love, that wasn't going to happen to my kids. I say, wean your kid off of her, and then keep her away from your kid entirely, period. And from now on, keep your booty calls out of his life.

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