When it comes to your marriage do you find it easier to forgive the other person or to forgive yourself?

When you make mistakes or they make mistakes do you feel it is easier for you to forgive the other person or is it easier to forgive yourself and ask them for forgiveness? I know we are not perfect but i would like to see feedback on this. Also do you feel it is important to forgive the other person and to ask for forgivenss... Why or why not? Do you feel better when you forgive and does it help heal you and your marriage when you do so?

15 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    If ive done something wrong its very easy for me to say im sorry..and ask for it to be forgiven.. and unfortunately the way my marriage seems to work at times, is he screws up and some how he manages to twist it around to where im appologizing for his mistakes.. (he's very good at arguing he should of been a lawyer lol) I think it takes more courage, and character, to ask for forgiveness then to forgive yourself.. but only if u truely mean it.. people say their sorry all the time and they dont mean it, they just dont want the other to be angry with them..

    If people really mean they are sorry then just about anything can be forgiven..but u cant say your sorry and keep making the same mistakes..

    I think its very important to forgive your spouse for things that are forgivable.. and i think its important to be able to realize that youve done wrong and ask for forgiveness.. but it has to go both ways.. and u have to mean it.. u cant forgive something then keep bringing it up to hurt that person over and over, if u truely forgive, u have to forget as well..

  • justa
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    I try to hold myself to higher standards than I have for others. I don't point this out to others because its like bragging, and I don't always succeed, but with time I have come to learn that if I don't live up to my self, I'm very unforgiving of my errors, I feel I know better than to go against myself and I get disappointed in my behavior. With others or with people I love, forgiveness is easy, unless it is a case of betrayal of trust, then, I can forgive, but not forget, trust is a very delicate thing and when I make a promise I don't break it. I also don't make vows and promises lightly. Its more important to forgive the other person since they need it. Asking for forgiveness is difficult because you know darn well the person may offer it without meaning it. If the problem is cheating in marriage...for me that's a deal breaker. I know, though that that is not the case for everyone.

  • 1 decade ago

    It's easier to forgive him than to forgive myself, I like him better.

    It is important to forgive, but there are things that are unforgiveable, the "deal breakers" like cheating, abuse, things that you just can't get past.

    It is always better to forgive, but only forgive if you can let it go and never bring it up again, if you say you forgive and then always throw it in the other person's face, you haven't truly forgiven them.

    A good marriage is give and take and both parties have to be willing to swallow their pride sometimes and admit their mistake, and the other person has to be a big enough person and love the other enough to forgive and move on, in a healthy marriage you can't hold on to anger and hurt, it eats you alive, forgiveness is a healer.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I am a very forgiving person of others and myself. We all make mistakes and as long as it wasn't malicious then it should be forgiven but sometimes it has to be taken in steps. Why did it happen and should it have and how can we move on and do better. It is very important in a marriage. Small grudges and hurt feelings can fester into all out war. Nip it in the bud and go to sleep at night with a clear conscious and a happy partner.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I can forgive myself easier, as I know what was going though my mind, and know that it wasn't intended. When it comes to someone else, you never know exactly what they were thinking. I always seem to feel more remorse than I tend to detect from him. It's hard to forgive when someone doesn't make the effort to EARN your forgiveness. Personally, I wouldn't sleep until I had repaired any damage I had done, and feelings hurt.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I forgive easily because I know I am not perfect. I'm not talking about core beliefs like fidelity etc. Those are deal breakers. But everybody has mistakes and errors they make. When I am perfect, I will expect perfection.

    DStarr

  • .
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    It depends on the situation. I try hard not to do things where I would want forgiveness, but I try to make amends when I do. For minor things I forgive easily, for more serious things sometimes I never do.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Even though I'm usually right (I'd say 90% of the time), but I have to apologize 100% of the time or I have to deal with a 6 yr old girl trapped in the body of a 6' tall man throwing a temper tantrum. Whether I'm right or wrong, its easier to apologize than deal with the tantrums.

  • bl
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    forgiveness and understanding are the cornerstone to relationships that last, family, friends, marriage

    when not to forgive? when the person is not really sorry. if the action continues, then they aren't sorry. if the offender isn't sorry then you can't forgive.

    if it can't be forgiven then you have to decide if you are coming or going. there are times when it's best to go or else you become the enabler.

  • Erika
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    forgiving the different is more straightforward for me. forgiving myself is not basic, yet do-in a position. apologizing for a incorrect, now this is bitter, yet again, it would want to be finished. each all people is our own worst critics.

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