Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

How do I tell my son his Dad is a Jerk?

My sons father has seem him once a year since he was born in Oct 2002. My son is now asking questions, like Mom who's my dad? I want to find him and tell him I love him. IT KILLS ME. He's been calling my dad, da-da. But now he knows that he's Grandpa and is asking about his dad? I am away at school with my son and about to go into medschool. we live about two hours away from his Dad.

The last time I talked to his Dad was March of 2006, and we've lost touch since.(He switches jobs so child support won't catch up with him) Should I find him and introduce my son again? Or is that just opening a bag of worms. I know he wont be consistant and I just don't wont that heart ache for my son.

Update:

No I didn't mean turn him against his dad, I mean do I tell him his Dad is busy or is away? How do I answer is question and my son is FOUR!

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    yeah, you get a front row seat to the whole thing (when a parent ditches their kids), its a helpless feeling. and your not sure what to tell the little guy.

    you dont tell him anything. just because he has a question, doesnt mean he is entitled to an answer. if you feel you must tell him (he's going to keep asking you no matter what you tell him) then tell him 'i dont know'. he already knows you love him so dont take it as if he doesnt feel loved.

    he feels your love, every single day. he is just curious and getting older (the questions get harder the older they get).

    is the father a possible positive role model? do you think he would be willing to have a relationship with his son? if so, maybe you should sit down and talk to him (if restraining orders or abuse isnt part of this situation). who knows, maybe the man will step up to the plate and be a dad. but if hes's a complete orifice, would you really want that influence on your baby? you know the man better then anyone, so you already know the answer.

    or maybe try writing a short letter and enclose a picture of your son. this may get him thinking... who knows. dont tell your son about your letter or conversations w/the father, until you know the father will indeed show up for visitation. its heartbreaking to watch them be let down, week after week.

    they all (the ex's) keep switching jobs so that they avoid child support. its a game they play.

    dont ever bad mouth his daddy, or tell him adult issues. he will grow up to find out for himself and its better that he does find out himself... or he will accuse you of pit'n /poisoning his mind against his dad. he will eventually see it on his own a councelor once told me... and boy were they right.

    in any case, you keep doing what your doing. your doing a great job mommy and one day, your son will see what you endured and do for him.

    the older kids get, the more they see.

    mine did, all 4 of them.

    http://www.wantedposters.com/deadbeats_usa_a_to_f....

    http://www.deadbeatjustice.com/list.htm

    http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/

    http://www.divorcelawinfo.com/calculators.htm

    http://www.helpyourselfdivorce.com/child-support-c...

    http://www.divorcehq.com/deadbeat.html

    http://www.lawchek.com/Library1/_books/domestic/qa...

    http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/oro/regions/acf_re...

    http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/

    http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/region2/index.html

    http://www.supportkids.com/

    http://www.irs.gov/taxtopics/tc422.html

    http://www.irs.gov/faqs/faq4-5.html

    http://www.irs.gov/localcontacts/index.html

    http://www.singlemoms.org/info/main.htm

    http://www.singlemotherresources.com/

    http://www.angelfire.com/nj4/njcomputerchick

    http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org/chapterfind....

    http://www.mowaa.org/

    http://modestneeds.org/

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  • 1 decade ago

    Well your son has the right to know who his father is. However your son has to find out on his own that his daddy is a jerk. To ease your conscience I think that the two of you should meet up with his father and let your son find out for himself and when or if he lets him down then you as a mother will be there for a shoulder to cry on. He will stop asking. Sorry to her that. Good Luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    NO ..U never tell ur son or child that thier father is a jerk...And u dont also know what the dad is going through....anything is possible in this world,,so just let the days come and in time everything shall be shown!!!!

  • 1 decade ago

    As much as you wanna tell your son how much of a jerk his Dad is (and HE IS!) you really have to let him decide for himself.

    And Im sure that will be pretty easy once he becomes an age where he can see it for what it is.

    His Dad just may come around and realize what a jerk he's been...not likely...but then again ya never know...

    anyway..good luck

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  • 1 decade ago

    Do not tell your son his father is a jerk. It will only cause him to hate you for it. He will find out soon enough.

    Do what you can to get his father to contact, but don't force it. In time your son will realize on his own what kind of person his father is.

    Just be prepared to give him all kinds of love, compassion and support when he finds out.

  • 1 decade ago

    Let him go hon! your son will grow up and realise what his father is without you telling him. Kids are not kids for long! If he does wish to see his father when he's older he will understand why you parted in the first place.

  • 1 decade ago

    You just say the good and the bad just like life really happens. Life is really so short and just let all that go 'cause you could be telling him about something way more worse. Kill him with kindness.

  • 1 decade ago

    YOU DO NOT !

    Let you child find out ALL on his own ...if you dont you will regret it later in life when he turns on you for brainwashing him into hating his father.

    If he learns on his own ...and it may take 30 years .....he WILL LEARN.

    Trust me

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Five is a little too young to tell him something like that.

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