Should my 17 year old daughter date a 25 year old guy?
We own a family restaurant and lots of sacrifices have been made to put our kids private education and give them a kick start in life.Our 17 year old is studying her A levels and wants and has the abilty to study medicine at university.i have objected to my kids dating any of our staff as i feel they affect the staff boss relation..Recently i founf out that my daughter is dating a 25 year old kitchen staff member..my wife and daughteri kept it from me. my concern is that he is distracting her from fulfiling her goals in life.i feel she should be socialising with people of her own age and interests without sounding judgemental of the other guy.Am i wrong in thinking like i do?...should i let the relation " run its course " and pick up the pieces...should i force the issue?...i dont want my relation with my daugher , nor with my wife,being affected by this..i have been honest with my feeling about this with her?...is that wrong? Am i being unreasonable?
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
I know in every case it's different with every person. But can I tell you my story and how my parents reacted. I'd just recently turned 17 when I first started dating a 21 year old male about to turn 22. He was my first boyfriend. We are and were very much in love. He's encouraged me to achieve my goals and has helped me study for tests and what not. I, like your daughter, am an A student. My parents when I first started going out with this guy were a little against it. Particularly my father, then they met him. He came over and hung out with my family and explained numerous times that he only wanted whats best for me.
Your a dad it's understandable that you feel this way. Technically legally you can keep her from dating this man but do you want to create a problem between your daughter and yourself because I assure you she will come as close as possible to hating you. Personally I think that you should get to know this man and trust your daughter. She is after all a very intelligent young lady and if her goals are indeed what she truly wants then they will get done even with her dating this guy. Out of curiosity is it the guys age, the fact that he works for you, or is it that you just don't want your daughter to date at all yet? I was just wondering. Good Luck and remember to trust her.Source(s): young woman dating an older man
- gooberLv 41 decade ago
first of all I dont think ur daughter realizes the effect of being with a 25 year old MAN when she is 17. He could get in BIG trouble for even being accused of doing something with a minor. When she turns 18 then it is totally legal but for now in the legal sence she should back off for now. If later on when she is 18 and is still interested then she can go for him. As for u a father i know it is scary to think ur baby girl is growing up and SO fast. She is 17 and i would think by now u have taught her the basics and she knows right from wrong. She does need to get out and learn how life is in the real world. Yes she will get some bumps and bruses along the way and for a parent this thought is AHHHHHH. but she does have to learn and u need to be there not to say i told u so but to say u love her no matter what and are there to be a support and a sholder to cry on. At this time u do need to limit what she does with this man because it is illegal if there is any sexual activity. It is hard but only u know ur daughter and what type of girl she is. She is still ur baby girl and is still considered a child so I would set limits and allow freedoms to go along with obedience. good luck and GOD BLESS
- 1 decade ago
hello when i was 15 i dated a 21 year old man he was mister perfect and my parents seeing what a good kid i was felt like what could be the problem. the problem was that i was 15 and should never have been allowed to have this happen i stayed with him graduated from high school and did not end up pregnant thank god but i did marry him at 19 not go to college and at 21 woke up and realized i did not experience many things people my own age had and that he was a loser he was still relying on his mother for money even though he had a job and was married he was going no where not to school and working in a job that would only get him so far but when i was 15 he was cool he had a car and money to spend on me alot more then boys my own age and he seemed so mature but in the end it was a mistake and i am lucky i was able to pull my self out of it but it took me a long time and a lot of hard work and there i was no education, no home ,bad credit and only 21 this is a bad idea and when she turns 18 she will tell you she can do what she wants but that's when you explain the facts of life when you are on my dime and in my house no matter what your age there needs to be some rules and you will follow them if he was 19 then you could say OK but i have learned that there are very few things a 25 year old man wants from a 17 year old girl and i learned them the hard way.
- LindaLouLv 71 decade ago
A 25 year old guy is WAY too old for a 17 year old girl. I agree with you but you've got to tread carefully on this one or you will just alienate her. Tell her how you feel but that you will leave the decision up to her, but tell her that you do not approve of the situation. Don't say anything bad about the guy or attack him personally in any way. Just tell her that you can't possibly understand what she has in common with someone so much older than her who probably has far different life goals than she does. Tell her that you expect her to maintain the same grades in school and if things start slipping then she should rethink the relationship, or spend more time studying and less with the boyfriend. But, do NOT forbid the relationship. Then you give it more attention than it deserves. Then you have to leave it and let her make her own decision.
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- Anonymous1 decade ago
No 25 year old has any business dating a 17 yr old. If I were you I would put a stop to it right away.
- 1 decade ago
I agree with you. Unfortunately there is little you can do to change what is already going on, especially since your wife and daughter has double teamed you. From what I have seen it is almost always a disaster dating those you work with. If it is a match made in heaven....great. If it is not when they break up and try to still be civil, working together it is hell for everyone. Hang in there and I hope you wife and daughter will see the light at the end of the tunnel.
- 1 decade ago
I think you're right for worrying; you're a dad, you have a young daughter, and an older man is interested in her. I say you keep a close eye on this guy because he's in another place in life than your daughter. He's got a job, his own place, and knows more about the real world than your daughter does. She needs time to grow into the type of woman he should be looking for instead of dating him now and possibly messing up by getting pregnant by someone who may just have a fleeting interest in her. Also, don't be too harsh because that's just going to make her want to stay in the relationship more. Let them both know they are going to have to prove themselves to you,.
- 1 decade ago
In past experience, I honestly don't think you should meddle in the relationship or force her to end it due to your feelings about it. One thing you only need to know is if she's happy. The other thing is find out if her relationship with this gentleman is effecting her education. If is not, then let things go. Sooner or later she'll come to realize that a relationship with an older man is wrong. She'll (as others would put it) "Grow out of it". I have a daughter myself. She has a boyfriend a few years older than her. (well HAD) One day, she realized that being with a boy WAAAAAAY older than her was wrong. She called him..ended it and went on with her life (education and other girly stuff) Thing is, girls (and guys) tends to grow out of things that just don't interest them any longer. No matter the age. The things that parents need to understand is that there too are boundaries that shouldn't be crossed as far as their children are concerned, and vice versa. Don't over-step those boundaries or things will happen to the point where you will have no control over. She'll learn on her own what she needs but for right now all she needs is your support with her choices. (this doesn't mean butt in to her relationship.) And as far as the staff boss relations you should boot that. There are not alot of people that go along with it anyways. A boss (if single or sometimes married) is going to date another employee (sometimes of lower status) and vice versa. We are human after all just makes it easier for people not to hide from anyone or anything anymore. Personally i think we all need to be open to one another and who we like or don't like who we date or don't date. You sound like a good person who cares for many people :) Good luck with your daughter and her relationship. It'll all pan out:)
- ausblueLv 71 decade ago
I fully agree with you! because he is a man & she is a child!!!.
You are the Dad she is the child!
You tell her what you want & be done with it.
your wife was wrong to allow it to happen,
She is trying to win the daughter by being the friend instead of the parent.
Put your foot down Dad with your wife as well
You both need to talk & discuss things together not go behind your back
Mum should not let a 17 year old date a 25 year old man