Ah, the turmoil of the Lois and Clark love interest....this is the only true "Never-Ending Battle" that Superman fights. Lets see if I can get you on the right track.
The entire concept of Superman having these two personas was to ensure that he could a) have a life outside of saving every cat in a tree or every person falling off of a building, and b) because he actually did grow up as Clark Kent, and therefore Superman, to him at least, is just the costume he puts on so people wont recognize him 24 hours a day.
The Clark Kent identity that he has is suppossed to be a little more shy, laid back, and less godly, so that he can relax. In the original comics, Clark was meek and cowardly, wherein Lois was a strong, confident, feminist woman. She was showing the world that she didnt need a man, and she especially didnt want one that couldnt stand up for himself. As the characters and the comic industry grew, so did the relationship and the dynamics of each chracter. Also, with different mediums for Superman, (Radio, Comics, TV, Movies, etc) they could expand more of the character relationships.
During the 50's, the writers made Lois infatuated with Superman, and even gave her her own comic book, showing her adventures where she tried in every way imaginable to show that Clark and Superman were the same person. With the coming of the George Reeves television show, Lois and Clark were friends and co-workers, but they were never intimate. Lois became close with Superman, but the producers decided to stay away from heavy romance in the show.
As the times passed, so did the comics that were too costly for DC (the publishers), and in the mid 80's, they tried to re-establish both the history and relationships of the chracters. The writers made Lois and Clark flirt and be attracted to each other, but nothing serious. Clark was trying to get Lois to like him because of who he was, and not just rip his shirt open and say "Surprise! Look who I am!"
While this was happening in the comics, the Lois and Clark TV show came on the air, it was heavy in the romance. The show's concept was to focus on the intimacy, hence the name "Lois and Clark" and not 'Superman'. Because of the huge fanbase and the big demand for more than just atease, the producers decided to finally engage the two in the second season and marry them in the fourth. But because so many people watched the show, and then would turn to the comics and see them still flirting, the comic publishers decided to make them wed in the comics too. It was a little rushed, but most of the comic readers (myself included!) were happy with it and thought it worked out fine.
Hope that helps....