Anonymous asked in HealthDiet & Fitness · 1 decade ago

Husband is an alcoholic, should I stay with him?


Otherwise, press the "ENTER" key and move on!

Hubby is an alkie. Saturated in hubby's genepool--everyone's an alkie. I am not--I don't drink a drop. Left the state and took up residence with my senior citizen father. Find this to be quite refreshing, contrarily. Been here for over 7 months. Hubby went through rehab. Hubby had a temporary relapse and drank one night (so he says).

Should I stay with hubby, or leave hubby?

BTW: very sympathetic, though patience is wearing paper thin.

Valuable insight would be most appreciated.

Peace, thx.


BTW: Hubby hid his alcoholism before we tied the knot--he was good at it and no clues were detected by me. We've been married for 3 yrs, together for 5 and the last three years I've been a babysitter and alone throughout the marriage.

Tip: On numerous occasions, he's professed loving alcohol more than me, and some of those occasions were professed while sober. Thx for the valuable insight. Peace!

Update 2:

A recent DUI (his 3rd) leading to his arrest and license suspension sealed my decision to relocate. Thx.

14 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I grew up with an alcoholic father. I'm a psychologist now. It's a very hard addiction to leave behind- my father didn't, he died from it at a young age.

    I would begin to build as much of your life as you can that does not involve him- so you will have a steady course marriage or not. If you are refreshed to be with your father, what's the rush? Also, you should ask yourself how you chose this husband- did you let important clues slip by you?

    As a psychologist, I would recommend family therapy- you can't just see him as the problem or he will feel attacked. He should be going to AA (as you know). He would also benefit from individual therapy with a different therapist.

  • 1 decade ago

    I can't really answer the question whether or not you should stay with him. You say he went through rehab. How long did he stay sober? Also, did he follow-up with continued counseling and go to support groups? Withdrawing from alcohol is only the first step. Recovery is a long road and the person needs alot of support to stay sober. Many people do not maintain sobriety after their first try. There is no reason to give up hope. Some people fall down and need help to get back up. It may take several tries but if he's determined to do it then this addiction can be beat.

  • 1 decade ago

    Staying with him or not is something you should decide on your own. Look deep into yourself, what does your heart tell you? What does your mind tell you? These might contradict each other, but weigh the consequences. Is he abusive? Can you see that he is making an effort? Most of all, do you love him? You must if you married him. Try to help him. Go to counseling with him. AA meetings. Show him that there are better things in life to do than drink. If you are religious, try to turn him on to going to church with you, finding his own beliefs.

    Help him to have a good time without the alcohol. Most people drink to escape the bad aspects of their lives. Try to find out what those are for him, and help him to work through them. Get to the root of the problem.

    They also make patches now for that specific problem...They are similar to the Nicorette patches.

  • 1 decade ago

    Coming from a family of alcoholics, I can relate. I disowned my dad when I was 14 because of his addiction, and I still haven't talked to him since. What you need to figure out is what your husbands priorities are. If he still puts the booze ahead of you and the rest of his family, then you probably should leave. Have you talked with him about your feelings? If not, at least do that and then go from there. Good luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    I would say call me when your really sober he just wants to see if you would come back to him not sober. then all the hiding will start and abuse again.

    I would also ask him well dear how many AA meetings you been going to. I bet none . You should be going to Al-anon meetings they will teach you how to deal with this behavior.

    I have worked over 15 years in drug alcoholic rehab It takes something big to change this behavior.

    Stand firm he will either come arround and change or he won't

    Hugs darling.

    Source(s): worked over 15 years in drug alcoholic rehab
  • 1 decade ago

    I am going on 4 years of sobriety, and the only way your old man is gonna quit is if he wants to. You don't sound happy and the situation will not change unless he wants to, and from the sounds of it he's not. At this juncture in your life you have ask yourself if this is what you want. Contrary to the old cliche ,love does not conquer all.

  • 1 decade ago

    I had similar experience with my hubby. I told him if it continued, I would leave. I gave him the choice and warning. If you leave, he will get better if you mean more to him than the alcohol. Or, he'll get worse and one day realize what he's lost.

  • 1 decade ago

    alcoholics most times are abusive also no you should leave him get a person that doesnt drink being with an alcoholic is like being with a drug user theyre both bad

  • Ro'
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    It all depends on whether *you* believe he deserves another chance. Look deep inside and decide... although you know how manipulative alkies can be... so YOU decide, not him.

    Source(s): experience!
  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    If he is not drinking now then he is trying and can imprrove himself. Only you can know if you should stay with him or not. This site below can teach you more about yourself and how to be happier and your husband can be happier.

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