How do I deal with lack of interest and still needing child support?

I'm 5 months pregnant, and my ex flip flops whether he wants to be involved or not. At first he wanted me to get an abortion because having a kid would ruin his chances of ever being with a friend of mine. (Classy guy, huh?) Then when I told him I was keeping it, he yelled at me then hung up on me. Now, he won't answer my questions about his family medical history, or even things as lame as if he got the christmas gift I sent him. His parents want to be involved and have been nice to me, but I don't feel comfortable about my baby being without me at their house or in his care. He drinks almost every night, smokes pot like they are cigarettes and has (I'm not kidding) 4+ poisonous snakes stored at his house. I wish I could afford to support the baby on my own, but unfortunately, california is the most expensive state to live in. While I am working on getting out of here, how should I go about getting child support for the baby, while not letting him be alone with it?

Update:

I'm an adult, I went to college. I'm a certified massage therapist and would make decent money if I wasn't totally uncomfortable at the moment (due to the pregnancy) So for the moment, I'm working at a school. I get paid decently for a single adult, however, not for a baby too. I have a very supportive family who is offering to buy me stuff left and right. (Which is uncomfortable, since I like to think of myself as independant, but kind of them) I don't want a relationship with him anymore, I just mostly want him to take some finacial responsiblity, and wish he could be more grown up then he is regarding the baby. I just worry how he treats me, is how he's going to treat the baby. The baby is completely innocent, and doesn't deserve to be flip flopped around and put into harms way, and I won't allow it. I have no problem if he wants to be involved, but ONLY after he stops the drugs, limits his drinking, and gets rid of his illegal snakes.

13 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
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    first things first, you are preggers and need to calm yourself down. he has you all twisted up because he cant decide what to do. if he does decide to be a part of your lives that great, but odds are, he wont.

    1) contact your local legal aid office; they are in every state and most counties. they go on a sliding scale and are free to most. it should be in the phone book or call the county court clerks office and ask for the number. if no luck, call your state bar assoc for it.

    2) go to court. get a DNA court order to establish he is the father.

    3) go to court for child support.

    you are your babys only advocate; no one else will stand up for him/her and they depend upon you being strong and standing your ground. you dont see anyone else doing it, do you? nope.

    here is a calculator for child support (all states). just fill it in and it will give you an idea as to what the payments will be.

    also, some links to help with other questions you may have; just click on your state and find the section you want. the last few are to help you.

  • 1 decade ago

    First, I'm sorry you have to go through this. Next, if you feel like you have to provide visitation at least for the parents of this guy then you should explain the situation to a court worker when you are filling out the papers for child support. The worker can the tell you if you can request supervised visits (where someone from the court goes along with the baby) You have to file papers for child support, this guy is as responsible for this baby's life as you are, don't let him off the hook. Good Luck to you and your baby.

  • 1 decade ago

    Child suport dose not mean the child has to visit the other parent. It is not like paying to see the child. Two people make a baby and two people should suport it. If he is not able to take care of the child then a court will rule on that. If his parents want to know their grandchild you should let them. There is never any con's to a child being loved by many many many people! As for the dad it sounds like he wants to be out of the picture so have the courts pull suport out of his pay check and then there is no reason to talk to him about anything. But I am not a professional. I think you should talk to a lawyer in your state and see what advice they can give!

  • 1 decade ago

    The best thing you can do for yourself and your baby is to not talk to him until after the baby is born and you are in court. Also don't let the parents take the baby on their own unless you are sure that they won't let him take him/her. I speak from experience because i had a restraining order and his parents would let him take my daughter all over town because they felt that it was his baby so he could. You just need to go to court and have nothing to do with him at all. He is enjoying your begging for his little scraps of affection for you and the baby...don't give it to him.

    I finally moved out of state so that he wouldn't have visitation rights with his drug dealing self. You might have to do the same and just do without the money for the sake of your child.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Family and Children Services will have his wages garnished, so he will legally HAVE to pay child support. I agree with the previous poster about letting the judge know about the illegal drug use. You may qualify for WIC, in which you will receive milk, juice, cereal, peanut butter, and eggs once a week to insure a healthy pregnancy. Good luck with your pregnancy; it sounds like you're going to be a great Mom.

  • 1 decade ago

    NEW YORK IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE STATE TO LIVE IN(CHECK THE STATS).

    Sorry I don't understand the last part of the question so

    my advice is to forget about him, get child support, go to a trade school for a few months and get a decent job like that.

    Maybe you should enroll in school now before the baby is born

    I'm sure you can get financial aid.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I did it without child support, I moved to a town out of the city... and got subsizdized housing. I lived really cheap for the first few years.. but so worth it without the stress of an ex in my life being rude all the time

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    As soon as he begins to pay child support he is given rights to the baby and legally has as much rights as you do to the baby when its born hopefully you have a realative out of state or some where cheaper that you can stay if you move out of state it will be harder for him to see the baby and you'll get child support

  • 1 decade ago

    yea go to the child support courts once u have that baby, then tell them how irresposible he is and they will probably grant u full custody with child support if he work or if doesnt???? And YEA CALIFORNIA IS THE MOST EXPENSIVE STATE, ESPECIALLY THE BAY AREA!!! also i recommend that u go get WIC services it really helps with baby milk and for u too since u are pregnant!!!!!

    It will be a good money saver and ur income really doesnt matter!!!

    Good Luck!!!!

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    take his but back to court. Be sure to tell the judge that he uses drugs and he has the snakes. I know that they will make him change and if he doesnt then kick him out and get rid of them snakes. I wouldnt want my baby around them I would be afraid they would hurt it. If you have to go on public assistance for awhile. I know it will be hard but in the long run you will come out ahead. Good luck to you and youre baby.

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