mo
Lv 5
mo asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

Two Grandma's in one house, is one Grandma's to many?

My daughter is going to have a baby in a couple of days. They live 70 miles away from their families. I am suspossed to go and stay at their home and care for their 2yr old, now the mother-in-law has decided to stay there to avoid driving up the next day. I have opted to go back home. We get along on a casual note. But our views on child rearing are totally different. And to keep peace, and the stress level down I think it would be better to just bow out and come back the next day. World War III could start if we stay at the house together. Opinions welcome please.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Sounds like you're the better grandma opting to keep the peace and not cause a conflict. Go with your gut. Having a baby is a tough time especially when theres other children in the household. The last thing your daughter needs is added stress. If I were you I would be there for the birth of her child and then stay in a hotel (if it is within your means) until it is your time to help out with the 2 year old.

  • 1 decade ago

    My mother and my mother-in-law could not be more different, right down to the feelings about if I should have a midwife/homebirth or a doctor/hospital birth. I worried about it all nine months of my first pregnancy.

    It actually turned into a non-issue. My mother-in-law was in the room with me, but she took on the job of keeping in touch with my mom and dad and stepmom, getting snacks or drinks for my husband, making sure I was as comfortable as possible, etc. When my mom got there and the show began, my mother-in-law was in a corner of the room looking on, but respected the fact that I preferred to have my mom there, and it would have been both awkward and crowded if she were trying to be in the middle of things, too.

    I think you need to talk to your daughter. I personally would have been heartbroken if my own mother had opted not to be there for me just because my mother-in-law was there.

    I think the best solution would be to figure out a way for you two mature adults to work together for the good of your daughter and for your grandchildren. You will have to share them for the rest of your lives. If you feel ill-at-ease, consider staying at a hotel, or finding a way to work together.

    Don't let your daughter and your grandson suffer over some differences in how to handle the children. Just keep in mind that it's only a few days, and that you can both be mature for that length of time and work out some kind of system so that the arrival of grandchild #2 can be a good experience for everyone.

    Congratulations to your family, and best of luck to you!

  • 1 decade ago

    Your daughter needs all the support she can get right now. Although you may feel that the mother-in-law is causing you inconvenience, you will be a loving, supportive parent my being the bigger person. Focus on the new addition to your beautiful family. If all else fails, fake it till you make it. Put on your happy face and even try to embrace the differences. Your daughter would appreciate it if she knew what you were doing. Congratulations!

  • Barbiq
    Lv 6
    1 decade ago

    Swallow your pride, glue your mouth shut and stay with your daughter no matter what. She will want you there...and the next day is not good enough. Trust me...my mother wasn't there for me when I had any of my kids and it still hurts me to this day. Let other grandma take care of the 2yr old. You take care of your daughter....it is a priceless moment that can never be reclaimed. Be Strong and BE THERE!!

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  • 1 decade ago

    You have every right to help your daughter as much as your son-in-law's mom. The best think to do is to stay at a motel/hotel nearby and help out however you can. Just avoid getting into it with the mother-in-law.

  • 1 decade ago

    If it were me.....I would want my mother there. Go, stay, and enjoy your new grandbaby and take care of your 2yr old grandbaby the way you and your daughter had planned. Congratulations!

  • Liz
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Shouldn't the owners of the house in question (presumably your daughter and her husband) decide whom they want to invite over and how long for?

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Your daughter would probably rather have you there than her mother-inlaw. You were invited to her house her mother-inlaw is inviting herself.

  • 1 decade ago

    be there for your daughter. trust me on this one, i had a naggy know it all inlaw stay with me after my first instead of my gramma(who raised me) i was SOOOOOOOO wishing for someone from my side!

  • 1 decade ago

    You sound sensible. If you truly feel this, you're probably right.

    Congratulations on the new baby!

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