Possessive In-laws who think thier son is the most intelligent person on earth. How to get over it?
They always talk about how smart and capable my fiance is. They always brag about how he can get along with only the most intelligent people - others his age aren't bright at all. if they say it a few times in a certain contex that's fine but if they keep saying it again and again, I feel like they are rubbing it on me. when I visited them last month she always insisted on making healthy food. She works...so I insisted on making something easy just ONCE or twice (Sandwiches for example) but she said no b/c my fiance doesn't get to eat healthy all week so we'll cook something good. He lives with his parents (its a cultural thing) and she cooks for him everyday. Now when I talk to him I hear about many instances where they cooked noodles/sandwhiches, etc for dinner! Every opinion by my finace is worth thinking about but anything I say is ignored by them. They are so possessive. How do I deal with them?
They all live far away from me right now and after marraige I'll have a chance to b alone with my husband w/o thier interference. I've told him about it and he agrees. he just told me to wait it out until marriage and then I'll get my chance to show them that i CAN tak care of their son. I guess he's right but I just can't get over the excessive talks of him being so smart, so good, so mature, so intelligent....its just sickening. Btw he's their only son!
- Deirdre OLv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
Learn to ignore it because it will never change. Once you have children their focus will be on them as well. You marry the son you get the parents. Find some positive traits about them to focus on and remember they do love the same man that you do and when you criticize them you will hurt him very much. I am sure that there are worse things they could be doing like insulting him or you. Show them what a wonderful person you can really be and I am sure that you will win them over to brag about you as well.
- BarbiqLv 61 decade ago
Might I suggest the 500 mile radius rule? My brother has particularly bossy in-laws and he and his wife made a rule that they would not live closer than 500 miles from either set of parents...(our parents have issues of their own that are a pain). They have held to that vow and have been happily married for 20 years.
Now that being said I hope that your man doesn't take all their perfect son crap seriously and is willing to roll up his sleeves and wash dishes, or clothes or any other chore around the house. If he doesn't you might want to really look at what you are getting into before you marry. Remember you can't change who he is...and you shouldn't want to. Also know this, if he doesn't stand up to his parents for you now...HE NEVER WILL no matter how much they hurt you. And you had better look into that cultural thing and see if he is going to expect you to wait on him hand and foot as his mother seems to. You don't even want to get into the middle of that mess trust me. Be Strong...and Good luck.
- Cris OLv 51 decade ago
It's a good thing that you will not be near the inlaws when you are married! It sounds like the mother is jealous of you and is trying one-man-up-man-ship - proving that she can take better care of baby bear than you can, and by bragging on him this is a reflection of her.
Another side thought is, men think they are marrying their mothers, so you are going to be expected to treat him the way his mother has done; make sure this is something you can live with. He has not been able to stand up to his parents for you before marriage; will he be able to afterwards? The distance will help immensely.
- Marilyn ELv 41 decade ago
If you intend to marry this man, be warned that his family will always act this way. There are only two ways to improve the situation : Ask your fiance to speak to them and tell them to ease up --or marry him and move far, far away!!
If it is a cultural thing then it might just be that they value his opinion because he is a man --and they don't value yours because you are a woman. Nothing you do will change that.
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- SPLv 41 decade ago
Just ignore it and after a while, things will be fine.