Please help me save my troubled marriage. My husband doesn't trust or respect me anymore because of my past.

My husband and I have been together for over 9 years, just got a new house and have several pets together. I ruined Christmas by doing drugs and got caught Christmas day by him. He now hates me and wants me to move out of our house. Can someone please tell me what I can do to prove to him that I am done with the drugs and want to make amends? I'm willing to do anything at this point to save our relationship.

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  • ?
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Actions speak louder than words. It takes a while for a wound to heal, you have to make amends with yourself and work on improving yourself. Then as time goes by he will see that you are making an effort to better yourself and your life and if he truly loves you he will eventually forgive you and be willing to give your relationship a second chance.

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  • 1 decade ago

    What about getting into a treatment program. You sound like you need Narcotics Anonymous or some other treatment plan to work on your recovery. I sense that this isn't the first time that you have had issues with drugs and the fact that you could not abstain through the holidays shows what a powerful influence they have in your life. I suggest that you need to call NA or AA and ask someone to advise you how you can get off the junk. If you really want to quit for you own sake I urge you to make the call. Good luck and God bless.

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  • jude
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    u need to show him by actions not words that u are willing to change, how about going to a rehab, or getting some therapy. check yourself into rehab, u know if u have a good life, and a good hubby, just why the drugs anyway? it may take awhile before he can ever trust u again, and that should be no surprise to u. can't blame him for how he feels about it. wouldn't hurt to start going to some kind of therapy that they deal with drugs, and addictions. actions are the only way u can even try to save the marriage at this point.

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  • 1 decade ago

    If your husband was like me , which he is not! he would give you the benefit of the doubt. The past is as it states, (PAST) no more no less. (Or maybe he did!!!!)

    concentrate on you first, find a better source of pleasure, you have to proove nothing to him, only to yourself that you can change and it won't happen over night, so leave, move out, Your problem is no different from the way my wife was, I love her and told her to make a choice PERIOD!!! me or the drugs, well I'm still in her life. she did leave but by choice to Virginia with her children just to help get herself back on track, I saved her life by giving her the option to choose. the end result, She came back home to me, we got married and are together as we speak, 14 yrs. my wifes past is horrifying to say the least, but I never at any time brought it up to her. Anger? No! Upset? No! to hurt her? No!

    If you really want to save what you feel you destroyed, Ask The Lord for forgiveness and HE will honestly make a way for you.

    over 9yrs? big deal!!! God had you from the beginning and if you give it up to him, I promise you, You will not be alone. one thing you do not do, You are a human being, You do not need to sell your soul just to stay in a relationship, so stop with the (I'll do anything Bit) would you sleep with his friend just to keep him? would you cut off your smokers hand to keep him? would you sell yourself just to keep him?!!!! If he is that damn weak after 9+yrs to let it all go, LEAVE!!! and thank God you did before anything else came around that he did'nt like. Another thing, this can't be the only time he caught you to come to a decision such as to say leave, you've tested him before, this was probably a more than one time deal, Trust is a treasure, you have to work hard in getting that back.

    Source(s): Something to think about. Please no points!
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  • 1 decade ago

    He has the right to be mad. Christmas wasn't too long ago. You've got to give him longer to get over it, Afterall, it was a huge mistake. Just be patient and keep apologizing and reassuring him that you just want one chance. If you're lucky, maybe he'll give you another chance. I wouldn't but maybe he will.

    Please don't be offended. I know I'm being rude but seriously, don't do that to yourself and him. Drugs!? Seriously!? Sensible people don't do that. So I hope you find your senses and try to get your life back on track... Good luck and Happy New Year! Make some resolutions and change your lifestyle with the beginning of the New Year!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    This is one of those take-it-one-day-at-a-time deals. Stay above board with your husband each day. Your husband may be disappointed in you, but it's not likely that he hates you. Apologize for your behavior and tell him you're willing to do whatever it takes to save the marriage. Bottom line: stay off the drugs. If you need assistance in doing this, get help and let your husband know you've done so.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Ask yourself if he's worth wasting 5 years of kissing butt to win back his trust, which you never will. Chances are he's going to mentally abuse you for the next 20 years, you'll never be able to go anywhere or do anything without having to explain your every move. He'll question all your friends and make you look like an idiot. Pretty soon the whole neighborhood will treat you like a junkie, and good luck living THAT down. Is he worth it? Is he perfect? No mistakes? I highly doubt it. Tell him to accept your apology and unless you are a major repeat offender than he should shut up and get off his high horse. Who is he to pass judgement on you? Also, remind him if you leave, half of everything goes with you. He can't make you feel like crap for years on end over one indulgence. Don't let him.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Go into rehab. Most people with drug problems make many promises. He may have finally decided to give up. It is a sad truth! He probably loves you very much, but can't go on anymore. Find yourself....get help and get off the drugs. Take care of yourself and then try to get your marriage in order! Good luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Girl, my wife cheated on me, thats ok it is only a few minutes and her booty. I would take her back. If she did drugs I would have made her look at the outside of the door, for a long,long time. Go to a rehab center and show him a clean wife, forever. Maybe, just maybe I would let you back in my house if you were my wife.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Commit to and go into rehab...ask for his help with this. If you were willing to put your marriage at risk for drugs then you need to make radical changes in your life to save the marriage. Rehab is one suggestion.

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