What should I do? Cancer and a relationship?

Ok so heres the situation:

The story between me and this girl is we dated for a month or so over the summer, then she broke up with me, for no reason really, and we stayed friends but kinda lost contact.

Then in september or so, we started talking again and she told me that she just found out she had cancer. About a week later she said when she went back for a follow up appointment it had completely dissapeared, and the doctors couldn't explain it.

So we were friends until december then started dating again. Things were going pretty good, we even made plans to go up to boston for the dropkick murphys show on st. patricks day(We're both only 19 and this means a lot to me, going with her).

We were talking online about 11pm tonight and she wanted me to talk with one of her best friends, whos like an older brother to her. She wanted his opinion of me, so I said ok. We got to talking and then he told me that the cancer hadn't gone away, and in fact, she was refusing treatment.


I can't even describe the feeling when I found that out, but I was willing to go through everything with her.

The real problem though is, he said if I didn't end it with her, he would, because the stress of a relationship wouldn't help her.

I have until midnight Jan. 2 to decide what to do, he says if I dont end it, he will tell her I cheated on her or something like that. I think I may have to end it, because of the stress from proving I didn't and her friend lying.

I really like her, and would do anything for her. If I do end it, I still want to be friends, and help her through this.

What should I do?

Update 2:

The other guy really is like a big brother. I don't think he has any relationship feelings towards her but I could be wrong. At first he came across as cool, but as the conversation went on he seemed to get a little hostile.

Update 3:

I talked to her today and she decided we should just be friends.

5 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    You should tell her what her friend is putting to you. chances are the little stress she will go through with you telling her that info, it shouldnt be enough to affect her long term. If this is the type of thing her friend always does think of the stress she will be under being with him.

    He sounds selfish and if she really loves you than she wont get stressed in your relationship because she will just want to be as close to you for as long as possible.

    She shouldnt be with her other guy friend that lies to her about you cheating. she deserves better, and you should tell her the truth that he was going to lie to her about you. She may stress at the start because he is meant to be a friend. But a real friend wouldnt put their needs before their best friend. If she loves you, she will want to be with you not him.

    And she probably told you that the cancer went away because she didn't want to lose you for that reason, she might have thought you couldnt have dealt with it.

    Have you also considered that her male friend may have lied about her having cancer just to scare you off and have her to himself?

    Just ask for the truth and you tell her the truth in return.

    Good Luck.

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  • 1 decade ago

    i would talk to her about the situation. he acts ad if he's being a goodfriend by saying that he doesnt want her to be stressed but at the same time being a jerk by saying that he will tell her you cheated. on the other hand this could be a test because she did say she wanted his opinion and if you brea he will tell her. my advice (coming from an 18 year old) is tell her everything. it just might benefit you in the end.

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  • 1 decade ago

    That's a really strange situation. I'd run like crazy. You sound like you really care a lot, but if she's refusing treatment does she really care about herself? And this friend of hers...would you ever really have a chance with him in the way? Run.Fast.

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  • 1 decade ago

    go with your heart. do some research on the type of cancer she as and understand what she must go Thu and if you can deal with it.then tell her you will be there for her.

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  • 1 decade ago

    wtf? i had cancer as a kid and i wanted my bf around more than ever just as a support figure. something sounds fishy.

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