A long and demanding love affair which was close to to wedding, needs to terminate.?

We have had this affair since last 4 years for which we have invested a lot in terms of time, money and energy. Post huge struggles to come together ( as we belong to different countries and only recenly managed to come together in one), I have discovered that, it would be a disaster to get married with her.

And I want to get out of this with minimum trauma to either of us. In any way, it;s going to be terribly embarrasing socially , but as she is like a kid, I am afraid, isnt logical at times to deal with situations. Thus although i know, this decision is for the better of both, I need to inact upon it very carefully.

PS : She has shifted to my country by finding a job which would bring her here, so it;s not that easy to wind up.

20 Answers

  • S K
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    There isn't an easy way to end it.

  • 1 decade ago

    Call her, tell her that you really need to have a serious discussion and tell her NOW! Ending a 4 year relationship isn't easy as it is, but if she is coming to your country because she has a job opportunity is going to be even more difficult. She is up and moving from friends, family and famularity to BE WITH YOU. End this A.S.A.P. It's only fair and it's the right thing to do.

    As far as minimum trauma? Sorry, pal. This is going to hurt. It's just not right to carry on this situation any longer then it has already gone on. And just out of curiousity, how did you plan on inacting upon this carefully? There is really not an approach that is delicate enough to enter this so that she is not going to be hurt. This has been 4 years!!! If your still refering to her as a child, then she really must be young. Do this now. Don't wait any longer. Sorry, but there is really no easy answer to your ordeal.

  • 1 decade ago

    You are hesitant because so much trouble was done to get her here.

    Very Very understandable.

    I think that the chance for happiness and love is worth the investment. If you feel any remorse about all the effort you put into this thing, know you did it for honorable reasons- happiness and fulfillment.

    It seems by your question that you were unable to really get to know her deeply until she came over.

    Like stocks, this was an investment that you could not foresee crashing.

    Ok- now,. how to exit.

    This will be better if she is taken care of, Plane tickets, etc. Ask her what would happen if she lost her job- what would she do? where would she go? Let that help you decided on what cushion you need to give her.

    If she has the cushion, and all is ready, then it 's time to sit her down and say that your personalities are conflicting and will cause problems as time goes on.

  • 1 decade ago

    Of course, you could just not talk to her. Leave the place you are. But that would be cowardly, and I wouldn't recommend it.

    Love always in every fact equals pain, whether minimal or disastrous. To be honest.

    I recently just broke up with my boyfriend, and its sad since it was over the Holidays, but the best thing I could recommend is to have a long talk with her. Of course, setting this up isn't going to be easy. Don't do it over a quiet dinner, or take her out to dinner. She might think your going to propose.

    But with break ups, you have to be stern. Don't give in, because hell they are going to give all the reasons they can if they want to keep you.

    And it seems you two were very close, since she moved from her home country to yours. You just have to talk to her. Tell her your reasons, and don't just try to brush her off.

    Source(s): Experience
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  • 4 years ago

    No, that is easily now complex to maintain this secret out of your husband. that is not easy to him to easily lie and say that your "emotions have replaced," whilst the actual reason is which you have been screwing around with somebody else. in case you decide on a existence with your husband, you owe him the certainty - and then purely pray that he needs to artwork on the marriage with you, somewhat than purely dumping you outright. that is not a "tough patch" - it is you outright cheating on your husband and then mendacity approximately it. None of it is your husband's fault. every person makes blunders, specific. yet you're judged extra on the way you cope with it then on the blunders itself. So take a seat with your husband, tell him the certainty, beg for his forgiveness, and tell him which you will gladly visit counseling and do in spite of it takes to earn lower back his have faith (and that's probable going to take YEARS. Or that is achieveable that he won't in any respect totally have faith you lower back.). don't be bowled over if he needs a separation for a mutually as to think of issues over, or if he says that he's not attracted to a reconciliation and needs a straight away divorce. in case you like your husband even somewhat, then you fairly owe him the certainty. in case you could not try this, then fess up and tell him which you had an affair and you think of that a divorce is needed.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    It doesnt sound like there is an EASY way to end this relationship. Did it really take 4 years for you to figure out that she is so different from you??? Or is it simply that to you the relationship was a game?

  • 1 decade ago

    U know we miss the love ones when he / she is not with us but cannot value the presence. May be keeping apart for a time being will get u people to know the fact that how much u people need each other.

  • 1 decade ago

    no matter how you tell it or say it . she will be hurt. but you need to do this if you don't feel anything is going to go forward .. So sit her down and explain to her that its not working out and express your feelings . be kind of course but just let her know that this isn't going to work down the road you both have different views on things and actions. and its okay to say she is child like this may help her in her future endeavers meantime be honest.

  • 1 decade ago

    You have to do what makes you happy. My cousin got married and then divorced 8 months later. She knew going into it that she did not want to get married, but did not have the courage to stop the wedding. Yes...it would have been embarrassing, but it would have saved alot of more heartache!

  • 1 decade ago

    First lessen the instance of your communication to her. Then, tell her that your heart had changed and not her fault. Assure her that you can stay friends. Inform her close relatives and friends of your decision so they could help her cope with it. Be ready to face the consequences.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Well, after 4 years there is no easy way out...it's going to hurt. So, my advice is to just get over with so she can start to heal from your breaking her heart and destroying her life...

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