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How to handle your 17 yr old when he don't want to do what you have to do, ex. moving?

n you and your family has to move in w/grandmother, cause she's not doing so well. What do you do when your teenager doen't want to move w/family? he would rather go and live w/his friends, than go and spend the rest of grandmom's life, what time she has left. He has been fighting me all the way, w/packing he don't even want to go to school and he's in 11th grade and he's blowing it. How to handle the first born w/all this. when I have to move.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    some times you can get them throwed in jail that usealy sends a message.

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  • ed
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Tough age.

    I went through this when moving across town.

    He does not want to leave his friends, by attending a new school, I presume. He may have some insecurities about making new friends, but leaving his old ones is the basis of his problem.

    He could run away, not realizing the consequences. I went through that too.

    Only thing I can suggest is a friendly talk, without anger, if possible. Try to explain that his grandmother has few years or months left to live and she needs you. It may be possible to arrange a meeting with the school counseler. I'm sure thay have had the same experience with others.

    I don't have good answer. I do know that it's hard as h*** to stop a speeding train.

    Good luck.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Unfortunately, sometimes we have to let teens who are almost 18 choose for themselves, even though we know they are doing the wrong thing. You really are powerless over him, and it is his decision whether or not to go with you. Actually, I would go with the flow and just let him go. Because I get the feeling once you say "okay" you don't have to move with us, but you do need to get your stuff out of here now, he'll rethink his position. And don't help him with anything else from this point forward. The only way teens learn anything is when they themselves make a decision that turns out nothing like they planned. It will be hard for you, but let it go and let him deal with his situation on his own. If he truly has friends to stay with, (I doubt it will last very long) then good for him. He will learn a most valuable lesson simply by the nature of consequences. The decision is his, the outcome will be his as well to live with. I'm sorry to hear about grandma, and he will regret it if he doesn't get to see her again. Remember, she may be your world, but may not be to him. You need to be strong, let him go, and DON"T BAIL HIM OUT when it all comes crashing down. It's not your responsibilty to make sure your son "doesn't" have a hard life. All you owe him is food, shelter, and love. If he doesn't want to go with you, he is old enough by law to do as he pleases. If he messes up, it's on him. Kids don't take responsibility for their decisions these days. Do him a favor, and let him figure this one out since he seems to have all the answers anyway. Just give him what he wants, and I will bet he will be home in no time. It's a real eye opener to venture out on your own. He will learn more than he could ever learn with you "talking" to him about it. Good luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Actually, I'm going to take the rogue path here, just to be contrary.

    Does he have friend he can stay with? Maybe you just need to let him. Picking up and moving...at 17...is traumatic. Maybe he'll make time to come see grandma, and maybe he won't, and maybe he'll regret that decision later...or maybe he won't.

    This is a hard time for you, but the fact that he doesn't feel the same sense of obligation to uproot his life that you do...is not entirely shocking. My real concern here is that you win the battle and lose the war. This is the same son you'll hope will move in with you in thirty years or so when you need it.

    Other people are going to tell you to put your foot down, I'm going to suggest you pick your foot up instead. What's best for you and your family? Surely no one here knows...but I'd like to think you looked at all sides of the problem.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Hello- I feel your pain... Is there any way Grandma can move in with you so you don't have to uproot yourself and the whole family? It's a difficult thing for a young person so close to graduation to make a move like that. If that's not an option, remember, a 17 year old feeling this way doesn't mean he doesn't love Grandma, it just means he is being a 17 year old. And I may get flack for saying this but boys mature slower than girls so subtract at least a couple years from 17 cuz that is the actual age you're dealing with in that stage of a young mans life. I truly hope he can get back on track with school and congrats for trying to keep him in school & on the right track, I know that must be hard (I raised 3 boys & my youngest two gave their principal & myself many grey hairs with their antics & school skipping- they now have their bachelors and have started their masters degrees so keep the faith). You may want to take him on a field trip or two to a college to show him the life of college students & dorm life so he can begin to visualize himself in a future scenario of college because he's not that far from that. If he still doesn't get serious about school, keep the military in mind, it can work wonders.

    Back to the move... one thing my parents did with us when we relocated was ask us to try it out for 6 months. They said if we still didn't like it, we'll discuss other options like moving back. For my oldest sister, she was the firstborn and nearest to graduation so she ended up really struggling with the move- she ended up moving back and graduating there while living with a trusted friends family. The rest of us, being younger, ended up liking our new life so much that we didn't want to leave once we met friends and settled in. Blessings to you and your family whatever you decide...

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  • 1 decade ago

    U already have enough on ur plate obviously with a sick grandmother. It may be time for some tough love, put ur foot down. Tell him that he has no choice but to move with the family. If he still does not bug, leave his as$ there. He thinks that he is so grown and he can make it, let him. Tell him not to come ask u 4 $hit, he is going to regret his actions becuz he will ot have anybody to turn to. He wants to stand on his own then let him.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Can grandma not move in with you? Seems a bit extreme to uproot an entire family just to care for one. I see his point and you are somewhat responsible. I understand that everyone is responsible for taking care of family duties but that also includes grandma. If he were complaining because he had to share a room because you were moving grandma in the house then it would be an entirely different story. You have a decison to make you have options with grandma including a nursing home, time is apparently running out for both of them if your son drops out of school and takes that route it will be a hard life for him.

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  • 1 decade ago

    To kids, their whole life is right now. Explain that the family needs to stay together and support each other. Try your best to meet your sons needs too. If possible, take him to visit his friends as often as possible and if there are parents you trust, let him spend weekends with them. Find an inexpensive way for hime to keep in touch via internet or prepaid phone cards

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    17 years old are tough, when my middle one was 17, he stopped making his car payments, dumped it on us, left home, (got girl friend, married her, and 3 years later divorced her), moved in with friends family, stopped coming round because he "didn't want to hear it". He's now 22 and in jail. when he was 16 he stole some money, got fired, right then we had a choice, let him face the cops and learn a lesson, or ground him, etc. Well, we chose the "good parents" way, and grounded him. Ma'am, he is 17, it is now or never, you tell him which way is up, you do whatever is needed to get through to him now, or you will be where my wife is.. crying herself to sleep for all the things she "should have done". My prayers are with you.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Go to court and have him emancipated. He will then be responsible for himself. As far as his school goes that is HIS responsiblity and has been since elementary school. If he fails he fails, the world will not end because of it. His life might be a bit more difficult without a highschool diploma but one CAN survive without one. When he comes to his senses later on in life he can always go back and get his GED. He is obviously head strong and the best thing to do would be to cut him loose now or you could wind up having more problems than you bargained for later on. By making HIM responsible for himself he will learn that he HAS to comply with the rules because in the grown up world if you don't comply with the rules you can find yourself in a life you didn't WANT.

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  • 1 decade ago

    sounds to me that he really doesn't want to go. Just find a way to learn what's bugging him. He's your son, and you should let him know why the move is important.

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