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Please HELP I need advice!?

I'm 22 years old. I'm a full-time senior in university. I work part-time. I'm a quote on quote good child. However, my parents do not respect my privacy and they do not fully support my pursuit of independence. Consequently, this has had a negative impact on my life as their complete control of my life has made it very difficult for me to maintain friendships and to embrace an adult life. I have missed out on so many things with my friends, including trips and parties, largely because my parents think they need to "protect" me from my friends. My friends are very much like me in that they go to school, work, etc... Furthermore, they refuse to let me drive the car at night to go out with my friends. I live a distance from my friends and it is difficult for me to hang out with them without a vehicle. As a result, I have slowly grown apart from my friends. They do not call me anymore and when I call them they rarely answer their phones.

Update:

15 minutes ago

I have tried to speak to them on many occasions to let them understand my situation but it ends ups in shouting matches as they refuse to budge. I ask them to support me and not protect me but they take offence and always tell me that they do support me. They do but I need them to support my social and personal life aswell. They won't. I do not know what to do? PLEASE HELP!

Update 2:

I have worked since the age of 16 and I have saved about 5000 dollars. My parents put it away in a retirement savings plan for me. I have requested for them to help me get a car, however, they always tell me I do not have money and that they won't help me until I save some more money. Any advice on how I can convince them to help me buy a car?

Update 3:

I have thought about moving out, however I do not have the financial means to do so. I cannot afford it. This situation is really causing me a lot of problems as it is affecting my grades and it is bringing the worst out of me. I find that I'm fighting a lot more with my family, just trying to get them to budge and not be so controlling. The more I express this to them the more they get offended and believe that they are doing nothing wrong. I do not know what to do? HELP!

11 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Is there a posibility of living on campus? I know you said you are unable to move out financially, but possibly you could get student loans or other financial aid through school to move into the dorms. Otherwise, as many here have said, as long as you live with them, you are subject to the rules of the house - weather fair or not.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Here are the facts:

    You are living under their roof, You will abide by their rules no matter what. That is the way it is under their roof.

    You want to be an adult, then act like one, get a job, save the money for first and last months rent and security and move into an apartment.

    Otherwise quit your whining. College kids and grads are the worst in the work place and I usually end up firing them, because they cannot handle the real world.

    Get out of your parents house, stop "thinking" about it and do it little boy

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  • 1 decade ago

    Have you in any case lost your parents' trust in you? Did you do something that really upsets them that they impose full control over you? If none of the above, then my advice is to have a one-on-one talk (no shouting matches, please). Advise them that you've grown up and would like to do things your peers do such as parties, movies, shopping, etc.. However, you need to instill discipline in yourself that you honour what you promised to them such as no drugs, smoking, gambling, sleeping around and making girls pregnant. Let them know that their control is driving you away from them more than anything else. Remind them that someday you will leave them with no turning back if this continues. Advise them that is is not a threat but true. As for buying a car, try and save again and this time keep the money in a bank and not hand to your parents. Be discrete. Once you've saved enough, you may go-ahead and purchase yourself a car of your choice.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    What is the fight about? You are ONLY 22? You will live probably until 90 years of age. That is a long life ahead of you. And your parents are full time in your life as long as you are a student. When you graduate, get a full time job, you will be independent. And then you will realize that the best times of your life were when you were with your parents.

    For now, stop the fighting. You want to have good memories of your parents as you move into adulthood.

    Trust me, I know. I fought so bad with my parents, I stopped seeing them for the rest of their lives. They both died and I did not even go to the funerals. I do not even know where they are buried.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You need to pay very close attention to what I am writing...

    You are 22 years old - you are an adult - why are you letting your parents dictate what you do??

    Go do what you want to do - tell your parents to kiss your *** - you are not their baby anymore!! Grow some balls honey!!

    I myself am 22 yrs old, I am married have a baby work full time and I am starting school full time in February... My mother is very proud of me and believes that I can do most anything..

    Your parents just need to understand that you can take care of yourself, and that your not their baby anymore. Good luck!!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Instead of giving your parents your money to "save" for you; take it and find yourself a roomate. Even if you merely rented a room from someone, you could make it work if you truly wanted to. You shouldn't still be living at home. By staying there, you have let yourself be controlled by your parents. Man-up. Stand on your own two feet.

    Good luck.

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  • J.M.C
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    You need desperately to get away from them, ASAP. They are too controlling and are robbing you of your freedom. If your working, keep your money, do not give it to them and get an apartment, get a car and get some freedom. then you'll start living. Make your own decisions and forge your way through as best as you can, but without them. You'll find you will do quite well without those shackles about you.

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  • 1 decade ago

    hello, I'm 24 years old and have been through the same situation as you, but for me it was actually easy because i actually sat down with my parents and was blunt and honest about the whole thing. being honest and blunt is not offensive on the other hand didn't feel bad if you have to tell them hey look if this does not change i will have to make my own decisions and tell them why u feel this way, i actually worked my butt off and got my own place and eventually got my own car, the only way for you to actually get away from these things is actually living on your own because unfortunately as long as parents provide for you they have a right to set there own rules. hope this works

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  • 1 decade ago

    Your true friends are the ones that are willing to hang out with you, not expect you to meet with them. I think your parents are being sensible but to the extreme. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, but it sounds like you are going to have to wait for graduation to prove it. Good luck, use your good sense wisely. Love your parents, sounds like they just want the best for you.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Until you move out of their house and financially support yourself, you have to follow their rules.

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