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sweet
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sweet asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 1 decade ago

What if your mother in law...keeps throwing jabs at you...You?

know she is jealous and makes rude comments...and you just keep saying.."I am sorry, you feel that way..",...and that is what you usually always say...because you do not want to finish it up...SHE IS CAUSING THE PROBLEM ...but you are not the type to fight???what can you say to make her stop!!! NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING...THE OTHER RELATIVES,...WILL JUST SAY..."wow, that hurts...or gee whiz"...or "gosh"...and the mother in law just goes about her business as if NOTHING HAPPENED??? what can you say???Your husband just says.."well, that's my mom, i can't say anything..i know she is wrong to do that."...

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Seriously, stand up to her. I had a mother in law like that and I took it for a while and finally I snapped back and she quit.

    Just the stereotypical bully. At the very least, ask her point blank, "Why do you feel the need to be rude to me in front of others, is it because of the way you feel about yourself?" Call her out and make her explain WHY she's doing it.

    But don't let her continue to get away with it, as she'll never respect you.

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  • 1 decade ago

    The next time she starts in, very kindly (so it sounds like you really care, even though you don't) say; "I feel really bad that you have such a bitter outlook on life. Is there possibly anything that I can do to make things better for you?"

    I would actually wait until there are other people around. Let her feel the discomfort that you feel. By sounding sincere, she won't really be able to justify saying something hateful in return.

    After that, whenever she makes a rude or mean remark to you, act as if you truly didn't hear her. Say "huh?" or "I'm sorry, what did you say?" Do this a couple of times, making her repeat herself, and then say "oh, that's what I thought you said". Then just smile. Do this each and every time she does this. By showing her that two can play the game, she will finally give up. By making her continually repeat herself, she will continue to look foolish.

    Good luck to you.

    Source(s): Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt.
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  • 1 decade ago

    If your husband doesn't come to your defense like he should, maybe ask your MIL out for coffee or something non threatening. Let her know how her jabs make you feel and ask her not to treat you that way. She will probably be surprised that you are confronting her especially since you may have been putting up with this for a while. She may change her behavior, she may not. If not, avoid being together with her when possible, life is too short to be treated like s**t even if it is by a family member. Good luck

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  • J.M.C
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Maybe you might look for the reason she is jealous of you, or whatever she is jealous of. It appears that the rest of the family is intimidated by her antics and would rather watch than participate in the fray. In reality, there isn't much you can say or do to change her attitude, if she is sour then she is sour...treat her as such and keep your distance.......if you play with snakes your gonna get bitten eventually. Let her stew in her own ugly. She will eventually be sorry...just give it time.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Well my mother in law tried that stuff and my husband told her to treat me with respect or buzz off! See he married you and in doing so he must defend you to his family if you have done nothing wrong. It is makeing you unhappy and you can't say anything because they are his parents. Your husband needs a little more back bone. If he refuses to step in on your behalf then you MIL will continue to do this she is showing you that she always hs the say so not you. That this is her son not just your husband it's so stupid. If hubby refuses to do anything then just tell her you are sick of her constant bit**ing and complaining and if she is in your house treating you like this tell her to leave. ANd never go to her house if you must, then leave if she gets rude. If you don't stand up for yourself and hubby won't either then learn to live with it. My MIL tried to stop my marriage!! She initially refused to come to our wedding it was really ridiculous. My husband told his parents if you don't come to my wedding and treat my wife with respect then send me a condolence card cause my parents just died..It may seem harsh but it worked.. Good Luck!!

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  • 1 decade ago

    I've learned this the hard way and can honestly say I can totally relate. The reason no one else says anything is because they know her. They are used to her little remarks and don't let her get to them. You really need to do the same. Ignore it. You're not going to change her, so there's no sense in getting all upset about it. Once she sees she's not getting a rise out of you either, she might quit it a little bit. Trust me on this.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Ah, yes, the peace will never be kept like that! Mothers-in-law never think that their son's wife is worth his love. Just confront her. It wioll definitely surprise her that you're standing up for yourself, maybe even stun her into full silence.

    Tell her: "Your son married me, and NOT you. If you have a problem with me, you can swallow it like an adult or keep on acting like a hateful shrew. It is YOUR choice. But I will not let you walk all over me any further."

    Then turn away without giving her a chance to respond, and walk away proudly. When we marry men, we don't have to marry their mothers too! I wish my m-i-l would say what's on her mind instead of giving me "the look" all the time...

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  • 1 decade ago

    As long as you stand there and take the abuse, she will keep dishing it out. Stand your ground and tell her that you have had enough. Also tell that spineless hubby of yours that you are not going to put up with it anymore and if he wants to go over there and get abused, that is his problem; but you want no part of it. I had a relative that was rather sharp tongued and made nasty comments whenever we were together. Once I stood my ground and told them that I was not there for them to abuse, they backed off. I have had no problems since then. It could be that she is that way to you because you are letting her do that to you.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Oh yes, feel the love.

    First, sit down with your husband and have a serious talk.

    You are NOT her punching bag. If he does not defend you, defend yourself. LOUDLY. She will do you a favor by NOT asking your to come back.

    To your husband - what happen to you? Did mom nuter you. This is your wife. You DEFEND your wife against anyone. Including mom.

    Been there more times than I can count. Eventually you stop visiting them and YOU sleep at night, they do not. They have too much anger.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I'd laugh at her jabs, as though she were making a joke, and tell her she's so funny. Instead of getting hurt or choked up, burst out laughing. She sounds like a little bully, so diffuse her power. She'll have more respect for you and stop.

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