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Losing a loser?

My 25 year old daughter is still living with a loser. She is intelligent, kind generous, beautiful and has her own business.Since age 19 she has been hanging out with a loser who has been fired from every job been kicked out of every house including his parents and has no ambition whatsoever. He wants a career in flipping houses but could not hang a ceiling lamp for me without fu******* it up. None of the family likes him. Currently he is collecting unemployment and sitting at home using his handy playstation while the dishes pile up around him. Is there any tactful way I can tell my lovely daughter to run for her life before she marries this freak. Thanks in advance

13 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I was with a guy like this and my parents constantly pointed out his faults while all I could see was his values (which were few to be honest). I have no way of telling you how to point out to her that he is a loser. I finally got away from my ex when I realized he actually did not care for me. More than likely she feels sorry for him, and if you knew all the details you would probably see that he is manipulating her in some way, maybe with pitiful stories of how badly he was treated (which makes her think twice about treating him badly) or that nobody but her understands. There's probably more to the story than what you know.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Take her out to lunch and tell her flat out what your thoughts are of him and how the rest of the family feels. She's going to be mad but that's ok. No one wants to hear that from their mom (believe me!), but it will get her thinking if his lazy ways haven't already. There has to be some reason why she's staying with him so just ask her what it is about him that makes her stay with him. She might not breakup with him right away but it will get her to thinking about the relationship and if she should continue. Don't hound her about it, she'll only resent you. Unfortunately, it takes awhile to notice when you're with a loser. Do your best to wake her up before more years go by and she's stuck with this losers' kids! Good luck!

  • 1 decade ago

    It sounds like your daughter wants someone to care for and to love her. Attention in any form suits her needs, even if the source of that attention isn't as responsible as you'd like.

    Maybe you could ask what's in it for her and see if you can understand, even if you don't agree. Ask what her plans are for the future. Hopefully you'll get a chance to point out some needs for a more successful marriage.

    If possible, be supportive of her, despite her decisions. Be a cushion where she can rest and know she can come to you and be open and honest with you on stuff.

    Pray. Pray that she comes to her senses.

    Best wishes.

  • Leroy
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    I had a daughter that did a similar "dumb" thing. she married him right out of high school. She was an honor student. He was a 9th grade drop out. She figured it out after 2 years and left him. In the meantime, she lost a full scholarship to a university and never went back to school. She has been married 3 times now. I have some lovely grand kids, but she is a total disaster. See if she will listen to you? If not> let her go, but love the grand kids.

  • 1 decade ago

    i would say that you should just be there for your daughter at all times. if you criticise her partner, it will just build walls between you, because if forced to choose, she is more likely to choose her partner.

    there is obviously some reason she is with this man - and while you might look from the outside and see all his bad sides, you are not in the relationship yourself, and so can not know what it is that she experiences when she is with him.

    of course you want the best fo your daughter, but it is her life and they are her mistakes to make. the best thing you can do is to be tehre to pick up the pieces if need be. otherwise she is likely to resent you - even if you are right.

  • 1 decade ago

    Hey maybe you could try being a parent for a change and not asking her to stop dating him but tell her then maybe she will see that he is no good for her and she will leave him alone but if you wait to long which i think you've already done she'll get too involved and then whatever you say to her will only make her more upset and then she will hate you even more and she'll probably come to resent you then she;ll marry him just to get on your nerves hope i could help dude!!!!!

  • 1 decade ago

    I have been with a loser. She will learn for herself. I have a bestfriend, and her mom bugs her a lot about her loser bf. It just makes her angry. Tell her that you love her and know she is an adult capable of making her own desicion, but that you are worried about her. Try not to insult her or her boyfriend, that will just make her defensive. Just tell her you think she is the best, and she deserves the best. Tell her you just don't want to see her taken advantage of. She will understand.

  • 1 decade ago

    Wow, for sticking to a loser he must be doing something right....It sounds like she deserves someone better, a lot better. You just have to hope some other guy comes into her life that takes her from him.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Anything negative you say about him will only make her stick to him more. The only thing you can do is keep the lines of communication open, so that she knows you will be there to help her get out when she finally decides to do so.

  • 1 decade ago

    I am sure that your daughter sees the same thing that your family sees about this guy, but there is a reason that she is still with him. Find out from her what it is...

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