How do we get the exwife to act like a real mom?

my fiancé has been divorced 3 yrs the ex has a boyfriend and a new baby but everytime my fiancés daughter asks to spend more time with us her mom gives her reasons not to such as telling her they are going over to someones house that she wants to see or telling her if she goes she can't ride 4wheelers with her grandma ect.. This is tearing my fiancé up! i need help

15 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    tell her to get a life. she is going to be kinda like your own child now to and you need to spend time with her. you need to get to know her. you will be seeing her alot and need to have some time alone wit her

  • 1 decade ago

    I got lost in the question, but if your fiance wants to spend more time with his daughter and the Mom is saying "No" then he needs to take her to court and request more time, visitation, or custody. He needs to be willing to take action and not sit around and whine about his ex. Girls need to see a good example of what a Man and Dad really is, and this will be a good time for you to evaluate him as well, a man willing to go broke and pursue this legally is a true man, one who's not afraid of a few obstacles. On the other hand, if the question was that the ex doesn't want to spend time w/her own kid, well you can't change that.

  • cece
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    She is using her daughter as a weapon against her ex. This is a easy fix. He has to get a lawyer, go to court, get visitation set up and spelled out. If pickup or drop off of the child might be a problem there can be a third party appointed to oversee the exchange of the child. He should be already paying chld support and will face consequences if he does not pay. She would be under a court order also and would face consequences if she failed to allow the child to visit on the court ordered days.

  • 1 decade ago

    You can't get the exwife 'to act like a real mom'... she is a real mom in her reality... you have to learn how to work around that, and get what you want anyway.

    how old is the daughter? if she is over 12 she can make her own decisions about where she spends her time and how much-- according to the court.

    maybe you need to head back to court to outline a different visitation schedule--- one where she gets to have a relationship with you and your fiance, or one where there is more flexibility and the mother will have to adhere to it.

    its really good that you are interested in making this work.... it is a very hard thing to be a step-parent... the hardest thing!!!! but this question seems like you really care.

    need to talk? email me.


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  • 1 decade ago

    First, you and fiance are not able to change her. You can't make someone grow up.

    Second, why isn't there some kind of visitation in place by now? If there is and it's just not being followed, then you can follow up with the court.

    This is certainly the short version of help, but it's a start. Wish you well!

    Source(s): Divorced many years and 4 kids
  • 1 decade ago

    Your fiance needs to talk to his lawyer, and get visiting rights. Maybe when she sees there will be consequences if she does not allow the Father to see his child she might smarten up. Let her know by the lawyer that she needs not to fear that the father and yourself will ever take her spot in the child's life.. she is the Mother and always will be.. but she needs to work with the child's Father and allow him to see his child and and if she will not do this, then the Father will take her to court and he must do so. This child needs to grow up knowing her dad, every child has that right.. Good Luck

  • Get real tigers don't changes their stripes, why do you think this woman will change? You should do what you feel in your heart is of the best interest for the child even if it involves CPS. We can not change people we can only change the way we deal with them. Been there,tried that, didn't work, worked around it,life is much better now. Good luck!!!!

    Source(s): Life of the new woman and step parent.
  • lex
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    the most important thing a child needs apart from love of course is stability and as long as contact is regular,,say weekly on certain days that she knows is daddys time it isnt fair on her to want to change the rules,,it upsets the child not to have the boundaries and it upsets the family unit their end to constantly have the child saying "i want to go to daddys" if the child knows it is not dads day she wont even ask and they can get on with whatever they are doing but on days where she knows she is going to dads she will chime up,,'im at dads today arent i mum"and knows that it is true,,,this is the same for the childs mother,,she cannot chop and change on dads days as this will create the same problems for him.

  • 1 decade ago

    She sounds useless, if she did not start the child's life acting like a real mom then there is no help for her. Good luck and God Bless

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You and your fiance cannot change his ex wife. If you marry him, this is just a sample of what you will have to deal with. Be sure you can handle it before saying the "I do's."

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