Abusive Relationship...?

What should I do? I have been with this guy for 3 years now and we have been through everything together... we both have lied to eachother in the past and we have tried to forget about the past and move on... He says to me every other day that he doesn't want me, for me to go be with someone else, he hates me, all this stuff... but yet when I leave, he wants to come back... I do everything for him, and he knows that I will do anything for him... He has been hitting me and he gets mad at me and says that I am too controlling... what should I do if I met someone else? Do I leave or do I stay? I know I should leave because its not a healthy relationship, but its so hard bcuz if Im with someone else, Im thinking about him and comparing him to that person, and in the end I just run back to him even though I know I shouldn't... Im so confused... I dont know what to do anymore...

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Sounds like you two have an addiction for each other rather then true love. This sort or relationship is very destructive and very hard to overcome. I am sorry that you are going through this and I feel your pain. I have been in this same situation. It would help you tremendously if you could understand what it is that makes you two go back and forth. Its like you are in the same book but never on the same page. "I hate you , dont leave me", sort of thing. May I suggest that you go buy this book called "Facing love addiction" by Pia Mellody. You will be absolutely amazed at how this book will perfectly describe what is going on between you two and what attracted you in the first place. I felt as though this woman recorded mine and my exes life then wrote a book about us. It will help put a whole new perspective on your situation and give you the answers you need. Good luck to you my dear and hope all goes well. Please please find the strength to leave before he hurts you bad.

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  • Steph
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Yes you are in an abusive relationship. You've been in it far too long and that's why you are so confused. You need to seek out therapy to address these issues from a different perspective. You will never get past this unless you can do some self examination on why you still choose to be with a man who abuses you. And being with "someone else" is definitely not going to help matters. You need to be with yourself for awhile to figure out how to get on track and be happy in your life without someone else choosing your destiny. Get some strength, go to counseling and get it together. Then decide if you even want to be in any relationship. You cannot trust your feelings at this point and need some new thoughts and ideas. Be the person that you are looking for.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Don't ever allow any man to abuse you. You're right this is not a healthy relationship. I know it's hard, but you've got to move on and learn from this relationship. You'll be so glad you did. There are so many guys out there that will treat you like a princess. But first and foremost you have to get over this guy and avoid the vicious cycle of going back. Trust me, later on you'll say, "I am so glad I left him, because I would of never met ____". Don't worry, you'll fill in the blank later. Take care of yourself.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Abusive behavior should never be tolerated in any relationship..the fact that you are not even married to this person and it has already started...what happens after you get married? Will things work out better? Seems to me that you are insecure yourself, want to have your cake and eat it! Sounds to me like if one side does not work out, there is the other side to go to...don't you think that you are not being fair to the other guy? Comparing b/fs is definitely a no...no....One man's meat is another man's poison my dear...you cannot have perfect qualties in a person...you ought to work at making a relationship work and if there are problems you should iron it out. But if your b/f continues to be abusive towards you....think about it in the long run....Why should you be vulnerable to someone who has no respect for you?? Surely your parents did not raise you to be a punch bag for someone else??? Get out while the going is good.... this guy obviously knows your weaknesses and is working on it....!!! Life is for living and appreciating the goodness of yourself...if people don't see you as who you are, then it is their loss! Good luck!!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Forget the someone else part and get away from him as soon as possible. His actions toward you are degrading and disrespectful.

    You deserve better. Running from this relationship to a different one will not help. This is only a crutch. You need to learn that you are able to stand on your own two feet like an adult.

    Once you learn this then you will be ready for a relationship.

    You can do it, We have faith in you.

    love and blessings Don

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  • I understand I was in an abusive realtionship, he would go days without calling me and when he did I was to blame, He would call me names and there were times that he would push me, drag me, and pull on me. I finally got out of it but I stayed because I thought my love and kindness could change him, but the nicer I was the more he took me for granted, we did have good times, but he evil out weighed the good, I am dealing with self-esteem issuses that is why I was so blinded by the truth, that plays a very big role in that. But knowing from experience you deserve better than that, trust me I know and the guy is an asshole for being that way, Men like soon realize that when you have a good thing and you treat them bad when they are gone, they will hurt more, because they had a princess and did not treat them right. Good luck and prayer helps alot.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Sounds to me like you're officially "in-over-your-head" you need to get out NOW! call the police and notify them of the abuse that has been going on. I think you should leave town with the new guy and start a new life FAR AWAY from your ex. No one should have to stay in an abusive relationship. Good Luck Hunnie!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Get out of it.. Many women go through that every year. Thinking that they can't get any better they stay in the abusive relationship.

    An easy way to move on is when he hits you call the police and get a restraining order on him. That would give you the opportunity to get your life back together and for you to be able to move on..

    He accusses you of being controlling because he's in denial of his own problems. He likes to put the blame on someone else to make himself feel better.

    It's going to take time for this to get through your head but I hope when it does it won't be too late..

    .......Good luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    I was in a relationship like that a long time ago, took me a while to leave because I thought I loved him and he loved me. But I found out theres much more men out there that will treat you like you need to be treated. It takes time to get over him but if you stay away eventually you'll forget all about him.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Yes this is abusive and yes it is hard to leave the situation. There are risks invloved and you'll need to weigh these risks for yourself. Please consider your physical health and emotional health.

    You are important and deserve to be happy and healthy. Please protect yourself. You don't deserve this. Some sort of therapy will help you build up yourself and sort through the many confusing emotions that you have right now.

    There are many many resources online that can educate and provide "outs". I strongly urge you to at least know your options. This web site is a good start. Remember he can look at your computer activity and he will get mad.

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