My daughter and I had a pretty open relationship or so I thought. I took her to the doctor and when they asked if she was sexually active she said yes. I was shocked. What do I do?? How do I approach this?? Is this normal?? She is 16. My son began having sex at 16, but I am more upset with it being my daughter.
why wouldn't she tell me?? I would have accepted it just as I did with my son.
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Its nothing you can do about it really just let her know that you are not upset with her about her having sex get her on some birth control pills and ask her if she would like to talk to you about what happened when where and why maybe she felt like you would look down on her or maybe she just didn't want to hurt you by telling you the truth i really doesn't matter that she didn't tell you but you know now so deal with it let her know that she can come to you for anything and that you are behind her 1000% no matter what she does
most daughters have a hard time telling their parents this type of thing i didn't want to tell my mother at first but she tricked my sister into telling on me after that day i just started telling her things and we have a really open relationship i can tell her anything and we would probably laugh and she would give me her feed back but she will come around just a wait and see
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Maddie sadly this is normal- for todays society.
Lets face it she probably didn't tell you because she wasn't comfortable telling you- perhaps she thought you would be upset or disappointed. If you REALLY think you can handle what she will tell you about her sex life then try and talk with her. See how many partners she has had- if she is just sleeping with a current boyfriend-- and so on.
I would stress to her the importance of wearing protection. She risks the chances of getting pregnant or contracting an STD.
Seriously take a look at how many cases there are of AIDS currently. I am not sure where you live but I know when I started dating I lived in SC in Kershaw County right next to Richmond County- where 7 out of 10 16 year old were infected with AIDS (not HIV- AIDS). Knowing that was enough for me to keep my legs shut. I know most teenagers think that nothing can happen to them- but it would be a try.
Since she is having sex it would be a good idea for her to see the OB/GYN once a year. You can even have them run an STD check (most insurance companies will not cover this- so it might cost you extra) just so you are on the up-and-up. While she is there I would also step in and put her on birth control (if she isn't already). I am sure you can agree that you would rather have her on birth control then having her be a mother at a young age.
I hope this helped.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
The part about being more upset that this is your daughter rather than your son -- that's your "stuff". Don't foist that on your daughter, please.
Have you ever actually come out and asked her if she's sexually active? If so, and if she lied to you, that's an issue in itself.
However, if you were just counting on her telling you and she didn't... could that be because she knew you would be upset? Could it be because she knew her brother had sex at 16 and figured that was okay for her too?
Normal is such an awful word. Lots of kids have sex at 16 but lots of them don't. Lots of kids talk to their parents about it, but I would guess the majority don't.
I think it's wonderful that she told her doctor the truth. I would praise her for that because it opens the door to 1. information about STDs and birth control and 2. a discussion with you.
So take this opportunity to bring it up. Tell her that you're suprised and a little sad that she didn't come to you. Ask her why she didn't. Really listen to her answer and move forward from there.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Nothing wrong with being so upset. Be glad she was honest and that you found out now. My mom was not around and my dad raised me in my teen years. My father always asked me to let him know when I felt that I was going to attempt to try sex. ( I was 12 when I lost my virginity) I was truly blessed that I did not get pregnant. I finally told my father that I was active when I was just a little over 16. He also was shocked that I was having sex and I told him that I wanted to try and do the right thing with my life. He advised to not have sex but of course he could not be there with me every second of the day. So he allowed me to use the car and go to a clinic. I got on the pill and when I turned 18 I got the iud. What I am trying to say is that I now am a mom also. I am 35 years old and had my daughter when I was married at 23. My daughter is now 10. Because my father gave me room to grow it help me make more grown up decesions. I did also tell my father after I was 28 years old that I lost my virginity after I was 12. I also wanted to tell him that I seen my mom having an affair when I was 11. ( I caught her in the act) I never told my dad I kept inside for many years. I just wanted to be set free from secrets I had. I wanted my dad to know that I was wrong for not sharing what happened and that he is a good father. I also wanted to tell him how much I had learned from him in trying to be a being a good parent. He forgave me and now we are closer than we ever have been. I have a best friend in my husband but my father is my best friend and my idol. Just keep in mind how you lead (although your children's choice) is hopefully how they will follow. Maybe this will help I don't know but I wanted to share this with you. Godbless
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- 1 decade ago
I'd guess that you should have already had some level of conversation. If not, you should take the time for a good discussion to make sure that she understands contraception and safe sex. You should try to open and keep open a dialogue with your daughter.
There is no point in being more or less upset about her activity, that horse has already left the barn, so to speak.
- marLv 41 decade ago
I have spoken to my daughter about abstinence many times. She knows I wouldn't agree with her having sex before marriage. I am also wise enough to know that some kids start having sex around 14 years old. I just prefer she hears from me, that everyone doesn't, and what my values are. My teen daughter didn't tell me about her first kiss until months afterward. I thought we were extremely close, but when it comes to sexuality she shares with her girlfriends, not her mom.
It is good that you know the truth, but I would still be careful to not allow her too much time alone with her boyfriend. Sexual disease is rampant out there. This is a good time to talk to her about knowing her mate's sexual history.
I know what you mean about sons and daughters. Our sons can't get pregnant!
- 1 decade ago
I think you are lucky she didn't ask you to leave the room before admitting to the doctor that she is sexually active. I remember having a talk once with my mother after she found out I was sexually active... It is one conversation I wish I never would have had.
I think it is totally normal for your daughter not to want to talk to you about their sex lives. As a responsible parent, you should let her know what your values are and give her access to information about how sex can impact emotions, health, etc. If talking over coffee is out, buy a book and leave it in her bedroom.
You can't really impact her actions since teenagers rebel out of a need to distance themselves from their parents, but you can make sure she is heading out into adulthood with as much information as possible. Just let her know you love her and trust her to make good decisions.
- 1 decade ago
What can you really do? Accept it and make sure she is on birth control because i am sure you don't want to be a grandma right now and her having a baby right? Make sure she is on birth control. She must have thought if she told you she might not to get to go out or whatever. Anyhow you know she has sex so make sure she takes her birth control.
- CF_Lv 71 decade ago
why should she tell you I guess?? and why are you more ok with him than with her?? is it because he cannot get pregnant?
he is having sex with somebody elses daughter who may or may not realize it...
sadly I suspect it is normal.. but is it right? nope... AIDS is real... Pregnacy is real... the emotional torment from having sex and not being with that person forever is real....
get her on the pill or what ever and be more involved as a parent... too many parents are more involved with "work" than with their own kids
- 1 decade ago
if u has been so open with u, why didnt she tell u?
u must have been rather strict with her..
make communication more easy alright(:
now u cant do anything but talk to her properly
please dun get angry with her.
whats done is alr done
u can only talk to her now.