Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

What do you call this behavior?

Me & my bf were trying to make a fresh start. He has everything he needs & wants, & there is nothing that he wants that he can't buy from $100.00 shoes to $200.00 sports wear. But for whatever reason & I believe it's his past he has no desire to go all out for me. If we go to the movies I pay for the tickets he buys the food. He does not have a problem with us going dutch when we dine out, & I am trying to figure out if money is no object then why does it has to be this way. My thoughts are he had gold digging gf's before me & is determined to not go there again, but I don't want to spend my entire relationship trying to prove to him that I am not them. He has been hurt really, really bad, & I feel to a degree I am paying for it. So my question is if he is able to take care of anything finically, & I have never asked him to buy me anything, but just fully pay for dinner & a movie what do you call this and what am I suppose to do about it. This is the only problem in our relationship.

Update:

Also he is in no way cheap. I just get the feeling in order for him to love me I have to be willing for him to be a certain way so he can know he want get hurt.

Update 2:

I don't think I'm being a gold digger bu him payong for dinner and a movie every now and then. I am not asking for gifts. I am asking to be taken out on a date.

24 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    tell him that you will pay for everything one night and he does the next, until he feels comfortable that you are not a gold digger like everyone else. having been in his situation, i know that he is just being cautious and you can't blame him for that but he shouldn't be assuming that you are the same as everyone else. eventually he will see that if you are willing to spend money as much as he is, then you aren't a gold digger.

    also talk to him and ask if that is the problem with it, because you never know what it is. or maybe he thinks he isn't far enough in the relationship to pay for everything. no matter what the problem is, it's going to take time to solve and you have to stick it out.

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  • 1 decade ago

    you say money is not an object to him,so he may not even realize that to other people it can be. People with money dont know how to not have money. If they are used to spending as they please it dosnt occure to them that you are not doing the same. Ya know? I also think now days men are confused about what wemon want or expect from them on a date. Some wemon actually get offended if the man tries to pay for everything. like hes trying to buy her or something. If a man does have money he certainley wouldnt want someone who was only with him because he had to pay her. The only way for you to settle this is to be completely honest and tell him what you told us. Dont worry about what he will think or say. You need to addresss the problem regardless of that. You will know his true motives by how he responds. then you can decide from there. If you dont resolve this you will only start to resent him,then you will become bitter and possibly ruin a good thing...

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  • 1 decade ago

    sounds like money is not object to him. If you want this to work out with him you need to talk to him about your feelings and his. Tell him to don't mind going dutch once in a while but you can't afford to do it all the time. But just a thing to think on...he may have done to the other g/fs the same thing he is doing to you and when they spoke up they became gold diggers in his eyes. He may be just a selfish person.

    Good Luck!!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Why are you trying to make a fresh start? What happened before? It is nice to have the woman pay once in a while but all the time? If this is the only problem in your relationship bless you. Talk to him and if this is not what you want for the rest of your life move on and wish him well.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Money, Spending Habits etc can be one of the biggest issues that couples face together, because most people are not a match on this issue. When I was single and dating, I did pay for some of my dates, going dutch etc., but if a guy wanted to show me that he knew how to make me feel special and sweep me off my feet, it certainly wasn't going to happen with me paying dutch. I'm sorry, I know that's really old fashioned but there you have it. btw, my hubby makes more than I do, but I'm better at budgeting etc, so that's my job in our marriage, I handle the money and bills etc.

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  • Betsy
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    Some women WANT to have things that way. Paying their own way proves to themselves that they can, that they are still independent. Perhaps he thinks it's the way YOU want it. Maybe just ask him to REALLY take you out next time. Have him plan the whole thing and not tell you where you are going or what you are doing. It would be odd for him to expect you to pay half then, wouldn't it? Although, if you think he still would expect it you may end up with expenses you can't really afford. GL with it!

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  • sunny
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    He is being cheap!....H E L L O? Boy, you are sure gullible. You give him every excuse in the world. OK so he was hurt by a woman from the past, oh boo hoo. He needs to get over it and you need to stop giving him a cruch to lean on. What he spends on you should have nothing to do with any other woman. Get rid of this loser and get a real man.

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  • 4 years ago

    Its totally normal, i'm 19 and i swear everyone my age is really social and out partying all the time but its quite common for people to rather be at home chilling. Everyone has a different idea of fun, remember. Try hanging out with your friends on the weekend occasionally if its bothering you, you'd be surprised by how much fun you can have

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  • 1 decade ago

    I do not know if it is an American way of life and I apologise if I offend anyone but from what I read and what is portrayed on TV some American girls have cars, houses etc paid for them by their boyfriends. Good luck to you if that is correct but from where I am a girl can do all that on her own wage and feel better for it. I would never wait around for my man to pay for dinner if I want dinner I will pay for it myself.

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  • 1 decade ago

    just flat out tell him i am tired of paying for everything it needs to start being fifty fifty....your not in any way a gold digger if you have been carring yourself and him so just tell him you want it equal there is nothing wrong with that if anything the way it is now he is the gold digger...

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