Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 1 decade ago

I need advice. What do you call this behavior?

Me & my bf were trying to make a fresh start. He has everything he needs & wants, & there is nothing that he wants that he can't buy from $100.00 shoes to $200.00 sports wear. But for whatever reason & I believe it's his past he has no desire to go all out for me. If we go to the movies I pay for the tickets he buys the food. He does not have a problem with us going dutch when we dine out, & I am trying to figure out if money is no object then why does it has to be this way. My thoughts are he had gold digging gf's before me & is determined to not go there again, but I don't want to spend my entire relationship trying to prove to him that I am not them. He has been hurt really, really bad, & I feel to a degree I am paying for it. So my question is if he is able to take care of anything finically, & I have never asked him to buy me anything, but just fully pay for dinner & a movie what do you call this and what am I suppose to do about it. This is the only problem in our relationship.

Update:

Also he is in no way cheap. I just get the feeling in order for him to love me I have to be willing for him to be a certain way so he can know he want get hurt.

Update 2:

I don't think I'm being a gold digger by him paying for dinner and a movie every now and then. I am not asking for gifts. I am asking to be taken out on a date.

5 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    The problem is you have set the precedent by paying or paying dutch and that has become status quo and it will be extremely difficult to change that pattern now. Yeah, he if loves you and wants to be with you, he should do like most men do and treat his lady out for an evening, at least occassionally, but as you have given him permission not to in the past because you want to prove yourself to him, that is what he expects going forward.

    You need to talk to him about this and try to change the status quo going forward, letting him know that it makes you feel uncared for if he never takes you out on a date and pays like most men do. It is not about the money, it is the emotional commitment of wanting to give what you have got to the other person because you want to, like you have done in the past for him, and you would feel more secure and treasured in the future if he would take the initiative for a change.

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  • mickey
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    if youve been going out a long time, then he should know what youre all about by now. if he doesnt, he probably never will. i dont care how bad he might have been hurt by past "gold-diggers" he should realize by now that youre not one of them. have you ever considered the idea that maybe hes just extremely selfish?

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Whats your point? You say he won't even pay for a movie and refreshments or dinner but then you say he's not cheap. What else would you call it? Face it, he's a cheapskate and I'll be you can do a lot better.

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  • 1 decade ago

    you haven't stated how long you two have been together, that makes alotta diffence in your answers you'll get. but, i understand his positions and your assumptions are reasonable that he may not want to be used, but, give it time... if he learns that your intentions are not gold digging , after a time, he probably will , become more generous later in the relationship

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Cause Equality = Both pay.

    Also even if men have money it doesn't make them feel good to have to pay for everything. It's like she doesn't like me, she only likes that I buy her stuff.

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