Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

problems on the home front?

I asked a question earlier this week. My boyfriend went back and slept with his old girlfriend. What I did not metion was that I am an alcoholic. He had back surgery and I wasn't that nice. I figured If I couldn't drink then he didn't need to take his pain medication. I have been sick for a long time. Battling depression, bipolor disorder and alcoholism. So I really wasn't being myself. I haven't drank anything for a fee weeks and I am going to rehab. But my question is Was it ok for him to run back and sleep with his old girl friend. He seems to think it is just fine. I drove him to it. He really don't think is a big deal. But it hurts me badly. My alcoholism is a sickness. His is to me just an excuse to see this other person. What to do.

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    The only way you're going to find the answers to this is for both of you to enter some serious counseling. Two wrongs do not make a right. You were wrong, he was wrong, and now everyone's trying to blame the other for what went wrong. At least you are admitting to your problem. He's simply blaming you for his stupid behavior. Get counseling. Get yourself well and then you'll see what the rest of us see. I'm sorry he did this, don't believe his "blame" story.

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  • 1 decade ago

    At the beginning of an affair the mate that is cheating is more attentive to his spouse. This is due to guilt that the cheater may be feeling at the time.

    * After the affair has been going on for a while the person cheating seems to find fault with the person he/she may be living with to try to justify the affair in their mind.

    * Cheating spouses may lose attention in the activities in the home. They don't show interest in the livelihood of you or the children that live in the home. Nor do they have any desires to do any fix-ups to the home (i.e. lawn care, house repairs, etc.....)

    * Intuition (gut feeling) that something is not right usually is a sign you may have a cheating problem "when in doubt check them out".

    * Cheaters may have a change in sex life (i.e. more sex, less sex) as well as unexplained sexual requests.

    * The cheater has a definite change in attitude towards everyone in the home, especially the mate (i.e. if he/she didn't act the way they do, well then maybe I wouldn't be doing the things I do).

    * Another sign is "Finances". "If someone wants to play they have to pay" therefore keeping an eye on their monies (i.e. check stubs, bank account balances, credit card bills, etc...) would tell you whether their spending more money than usual.

    * Grooming habits will change. Cheaters will be more attentive to their person (e.i. the way they dress, frequent bathing, physical fitness, grooming of their hair, switching of colognes, etc...).

    * Physical signs to look for to determine whether or not someone is having an affair is lipstick on the collar, odors of cologne/perfume on a shirt/blouse, checking underwear for secretion stains. You can also check their wallets and/or the glove compartments of their car to see if they left receipts, pieces of paper with phone numbers, addresses, condoms, etc.

    * You may want to monitor your spouse for two weeks. During this time keep track of the mileage on their car. Monitor the time they leave for work and the time they come home. Keep a calendar and note the times, this should help you establish a pattern. If your mate claims to be working late, check paycheck stubs to verify this overtime.

    * Be tuned in to home telephone calls when your mate has a tendency to whisper or gives a quick answer and immediately hangs up or when you answer the telephone and get an abrupt hang up.

    * Many cheaters use cellular telephones to communicate with their lovers. Should your mate have a cellular telephone you may want to get a detailed billing of the calls made from the cellular phone to determine whether a certain number has been frequently called. A good area to start looking is for the first number called when your mate first leaves for work and the same number called again right before they return home.

    * Female cheaters are more discreet in the selection of a lover . This is most likely because of their concern of Sexually Transmitted Disease's (STD's). Most females are looking for a longer lasting relationship rather than a "one night stand". In past years men were the aggressors, in society today, with the increase of women in the work force, women have become equally aggressive.

    * When a female is having an affair she tends to have more of a "glow" about her.

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  • 1 decade ago

    My suggestion is for you to concentrate on getting yourself healthy, then work on having a relationship. Until you get yourself in a healthy place physically and emotionally, you can't really have a good relationship with someone else. What he did was wrong...no matter what the circumstances. We are beginning a new year in just a few days, use this as a starting place to have a new life for yourself in this new year.Take care of you first.....keep going to rehab and get some good counseling and keep working on yourself. No one else can make you happy until you are happy within yourself first. I wish you all the best in the coming year.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You answered your own question, YOU DROVE HIM TO IT. Hey, alcoholism isn't a sickness, I drank continuously for 17 years and never missed a day. I haven't had a drink in 5 years all because I decided not to drink any more.

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  • 1 decade ago

    You did NOT drive him to have an affair. Cheaters always try to put the blame on someone else to make them not look SO bad. He was the one that chose to cheat, and you should feel absolutely NO responsibility for it whatsoever. Two things I want you to do: Get yourself the help you need, and then get another boyfriend. Drop that loser! Good Luck!!

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  • Try drinking less and kick the butt of your bf. He's "cheating" on you. Unless you're still on drugs, you should realise that.

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  • txtx
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    lay off the booze ,,,,,get pills for dep. and do something about bipolar ,,,he was not right but were you ?sex is just sex ,,,,if he loves you forget it ,,,but you have to love yourself enough to love anyone else

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