To guys who have been "happily" and I stress the world happily married for over 25 years..?

what's your secret? I'm sure you have seen buddies of yours whose marriages lasted less than a decade. what's the ingredient you had that they sadly didn't have? I'm nowhere near getting hitched.. hope I can jumpstart my dating scene next year..lol.. but one day I'd like to settle down with a fine lady and also have kids, too. But I really would like to have a great marriage, and if you can share some wisdom re: this topic, that would be most helpful. Thanks.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    There's no secret formula, no magic pixie dust you sprinkle on each other. Marriage is dedication to the happiness and well being of each other. Every day. It's purposly NOT fighting about stupid things because he/she is more important. It is being careful about your choice of mate, and taking the time to make sure you've chosen the right one. Marriage is deep committed love you sustain with every act you take regarding your spouse. It's being constantly aware of the status of your relationship, so you can fix bumps in the road as soon as they happen. Marriage is trust and trustworthiness. Marriage is constant ongoing communication. Marriage is NOT a power struggle. You are supposed to do things and respond to things together. Marriage is letting a spouse have their hobbies even if you don't particularly like that hobby, and staying involved in that hobby anyway at least enough so you can discuss it with each other regularly.

    Marriage is also ignoring all the comedians, and all the TV shows, and all the dummies who portray Marriage as some kind of jail sentance, or hell on earth, or only entered into by buffoons or idiots.

    And marriage is sex...OOOH I've crossed the bridge now... Marriage is sex that fulfills the needs and desires of your partner, as well as yourself. Its for both of you, and both of you should find it fulfilling, and satisfying. Marrital sex should be tender, and communicate all the love and attachment you have with one another.

    Marriage is realizing that over the vast amount of time you two are supposed to be together you will change emotionally, and physically. This is not a threat but a fact of life. It is realizing this fact, and incorporating it into your lives.

    Marriage is making the marital union the bedrock you build your lives upon, and is kept front and center regardless of jobs, or kids or any other intrusions.

    Marriage is two best friends living thier friendship together.

    Marriage is seeing all the quirks and failings your spouse has, and then saying "that's OK, I don't care, I love him/her anyway".

    And marriage usually, but not always, is kids. A lot of work, but thrilling and satisfying work.

    Christmas day, my wife and I were invited to go to our 2nd sons home and spend the day with them. For the first time in a couple of years, 3 of our 4 living children were in the same room together, and all of our grandkids were together for the first time too. I couldn't help staring at my wife and thinking how wonderful it was to have all this family together, and how wonderful it was that 29 and a half years ago we said I do,and created this joyous scene. I'm a camera nut, and I about wore my camera out with all the pictures I took.

    This is the "secret" you look for. Nothing earth shattering, but vitally impotrant.

    I hope this helps you in your quest for a soul mate.

    Good luck

  • 1 decade ago

    I don't know if by "guys" you meant men but I'm gonna take a chance.

    Ive married for 25 years, most of them happy, some very hard and the secret I think is to never think of divorce as an option.

    Commitment has to be the cornerstone of a good marriage. Once you accept that you are in it for the long haul everything becomes clear, even if it isn't always easy.

    Knowing that you will stay no matter what makes it impossible to walk away from a problem, imperative that trust be built, likely that love will win.

    So when you do it, honey, just do it knowing you will never, ever undo it. Then face whatever comes along with an attitude of committment to your relationship and to the children that you bring into it. It will last intil long after the're gone.

  • 1 decade ago

    There is no guarantee in a marriage ... A marriage can not be taken for granted , one has to work at it , meaning ,the marriage doesn't function on automatic , you have to want it to be successful that is abandoning not your self but sefishness , you can not say I want to be happy or I want this or I want that , you have to say , what can I do for us to be happy , you see marriage is a partner ship , both of you have to support it on an almost equal basis , neither of you have to take the other one for granted , and each of you have to express to the other one ,the personal freedom to grow together , the bondage will develop by it self and intimacy will grow , when there is mutual respect and love for the other .

  • alyson
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    as singles guy get this to be a habit so while they get married there physique automaticly retains on doing it. that's what you are able to desire to do: you are able to desire to place all the attention on your spouse. you recognize - communicate with here, seem at all the dress at the same time, help her %. out the nutrition or save count variety to work out how lots your spending. adult adult males initiate staring or finding at different women individuals in the event that they are not distracted or board in different words make an afternoon to the save or the place ever you go yet another specific and relaxing 2nd at the same time. it truly is going to take the time in the past you thoroughly give up doing it, yet little by utilising little your physique will enable go of that undesirable habit. solid success to you

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  • 1 decade ago

    im not married but i can tell u from seing others fail and stuff, it takes trust, love, and tact. once u get 2 kno ur spouse, ittl b easy, u jus gotta throw away your pride, and b a good listener. if u know ur wife will get mad if u say a sertain thing, dont say it. when u dissagree, say somthin like well baby.. or not to argue but.. things that wont start stuff. b totaly honest with ur spouse.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    First of all, we love each other very much. Also we have God in our relationship. We also always try to do everything we can to please the other and we have lots and lots of fun together. By the way, we have been HAPPILY married for 34 years...

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