Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsWeddings · 1 decade ago

People pushing us to get married?

My fiance and I have been engaged for 2 yrs. We have 2 kids (he helped raise my son and now we have a 4 month old), and have never cheated, separated, or fought badly (arguments yeah, but after 4+ years together, that's a given) We wear our rings, and don't plan on a wedding, just a courthouse union in jeans and that's it. But we have people constantly bugging us about when we're going to get married and why we won't have a big ceremony. In our opinion, we're in this for the long haul, so we don't see the point of rushing. I've also seen many relatives shell out for a big expensive ceremony, only to be blindsided by the fact that they are married and they always wound up cheating and divorcing. We're not religious, and our families support us in raising our family as we do, without a fuss over marriage and a wedding (they've also bought too many shower gifts just to see the couple divorce later). It's friends and coworkers that annoy us about it. Any other families like this?

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    My fiancee and I are in a similar situation. We are planning a courthouse wedding because we want to use our money for other things. We're a little apprehensive about telling his family (mine is fine with it), so we drafted a letter that we're going to send to those who are invited (we'll be having a dinner afterwards). Here it is:

    Hi, all,

    After giving the issue a lot of thought, we have decided to forgo a traditional wedding for a simpler one that focuses on what’s important to us: spending time with our loved ones.

    A wedding is only one day; a marriage is forever. So, we’ve decided to put our energy and resources into the marriage, rather than entirely into the ceremony.

    We plan to get married at city hall in the fall of 2007, followed by dinner at a restaurant in Buffalo. We will have a larger party for the extended families in the summer of 2008.

    We hope you understand our choice and will join us in celebrating a day that will be just as special to us as it would be with the frills of a traditional wedding.

    We will let you know the details about our wedding day as the date draws nearer.

  • 1 decade ago

    Your friends and co-workers sound like they just want to go to a big ceremony to see and talk about the following: How nice/not nice your dress was. How you looked as a bride. What the parents were wearing. What the bride's maids were wearing. What the groom's men were wearing and how the groom looked. Wear you got married in. Which set of family members from which side looked the best or worst. Where you had your reception at. How the food taste. Could it have been better.

    These are the things your friends and co-workers want to see. They could care less how you feel. Screw them. It is what you feel and what your fiance feels. If you want to go to and have a civil ceremony with a couple of relatives, then that is what the both of you should do and leave it like that.

    So, like I said. Screw those two sets of people and live as happy as you are with the man in your life. Not every couple wants to get married. And not every couple wants a big ceremony.

  • Rachel
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    When people push, sometimes you must simply push back. Do what is best for the both of you...

    When I got married a year ago, my husband's family was all set to throw me a bridal shower - except I didn't want one. I know most women do, but I've always hated them - thought they were a complete waste of time and money. My family was very supportive of this decision - and because we were a bit older - I was 27 and my husband was 35 - we already had everything we needed - so I felt the bridal shower was a totally useless event. While the women on my husband's side of the family were shocked, and everyone kept trying to push me into having a shower, I stayed firm about it the whole time and said no. I got my wish - no shower - and I think I came out of it with respect because I didn't back down or cave in, I did exactly what I wanted to - as a bride's God given right.

  • 1 decade ago

    My husband and I got married on a cruise ship in St Thomas. We invited one couple to come with us to be best man and maid of honor.

    It was great. The ship helped us to arrange everything. First it was photos, then it was a small wedding and after our mini wedding cake we went our for cheese burgers and went up up a mountain in St Thomas and enjoyed the view!

    People were driving us nuts asking when we were getting married. My family would have been fine but his family wanted the big wedding, etc. It was a second marriage for the both of us. We came home with a big suprise.

    His family was upset. So to make up for it, we had a nice backyard BBQ with friends and family.

    Good thing about the cruise ship and kids, there are things for them to do no matter what age they are. There is also plenty staff emembers who are willing to make extra money by babysitting while you and your husband are enjoying some free time to yourselves.

    Good luck in what ever you do!

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  • 1 decade ago

    If it is working for you, then who cares what people say. You need to make yourself happy first. And marriage is wonderful and all, but it's not for everyone. If you feel that secure and happy in situation you're in, marriage would just be a piece of paper. Because if you take a step back and look at your situation, you're practically married anyway~ just without the piece of paper and title. I say do what you feel is right and ignore everyone else.

  • Lydia
    Lv 7
    1 decade ago

    If you don't want to get married, then fine, but don't begrudge others their feelings about it. Mostly, people are thinking about the kids and how it would be much better for them to be protected, to be part of a legal family.

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    That's appauling. Those children will never learn what is considered sacred. When people are young, they don't realize the impact their decisions have on the children. I will be praying for you. Seeking the opinions of others on a site like this may be an indication you're not secure with your choices.

  • 1 decade ago

    yes my grandma and now we are going to have one on the 30th of jun and that is the way to go is the courthouse and that saves money but we are not geting that but o well

  • Dorrie
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    My family did the same thing to me.Dont let them push you. Take your time no matter how long it takes.

  • 1 decade ago

    You should do what makes you happy. It's not about what other people want.

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