Those who are divorced: any advice?
How did you know you didn't have any other option except to divorce? How did you know your marriage just wasn't worth it anymore? My husband and I just seem to be too different to get along anymore. That was part of the attraction but now it's just so frustrating to just hold a simple conversation with him. I've thought about counseling but our insurance doesn't cover it and we can't really afford it (please no cracks about money...some people out there should know how hard it is). Any thoughts on this, any advice? Thanks!
- Anonymous1 decade agoFavorite Answer
If you can't remember what it was like to be happy together...if you look at each other with disdain...and if you haven't a kind word to say about each other or to each other...its time to move on.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
Hiya, I am totally in the same place as you. We live in a leafy suburb of London, in a big fancy house. Kids in private schools, I am studying at college and he works damn hard, but we have never ever been best mates - I have tried, but he is too judgmental, so I took to not telling him stuff, then realised I had so many secrets from him, nothing major, just that I would never discuss gossip or anything. He has had a drink problem since I met him, but only is trouble when he drinks. That used to be a lot but over the last few years it has got better, but every time he promised it would be the last - he gets violent when he drinks and abusive - but he did it again a couple weeks ago - this time my kids were so upset, my eldest went upstairs and packed a bag - he's only just 14. And something in me just clicked - like a switch - whereas before I would say "that's it, I am gonna leave or I want him out of this house" but inside I was crying and wishing it would all just fix up and get swiftly back to our quirky kinda normal, happy to plod along - well this last time I didn't have that little voice in my head saying to me "are you sure, you kow you love him etc" the voice has gone and I feel sure I would rather be alone than with the wrong man. It perhaps was right once - we've had 3 beautiful kids - but it isn;t hearts and flowers. Maybe that doesn't exist, I am beginning to see a different side to the male species. Since everyone found out about us 2 of his mates have shown interest in me and a member of his family! Unbelievable ! I am not prepared to waste money on counselling - the only thing that benefits is the counsellors bank balance. What I am trying to say, as a bottom line is that, you just know when it is over - you feel empty inside and no matter how much pain you know it will cause kids and him, you know it is the right thing to do long term. I am thinking of you, you sound like me 6 months ago - sitting on the fence.... Good Luck and Be Strong.
- .Lv 71 decade ago
If you really wanted counseling, there are ways to get it that won't break the bank or you'd probably decide it was worth going into debt to save your marriage...if you are allowing money to stop you from doing that, then you've already made up your mind that it's over...
Prior to my divorce there was no counseling...things had been going downhill for a while and then you just realize that you've grown apart, are not a good match anymore, and would rather be single than in an unhappy relationship...and that's okay...there's no rule that says a marriage must last a lifetime, people put that on themselves and then (foolishly) take a vow that it will last forever...relationships (including marriages) should last as long as they are good and right for the parties involved...be that days, weeks, months, years, or a lifetime...
- 1 decade ago
When I divorced my husband, I did it to protect myself financially and emotionally. My husband was an alcoholic. You didn't marry him only because of the "attraction", you married him because you loved him. I am a firm believer that when you love someone, you love them forever. After being divorced for 3 years, and after some time in rehab for my ex, we are now back together. I can't imagine my life without him. For the 3 years we were apart, I learned a lot about myself and have found that life with anyone else would never be the same. Does your husband feel the same way you do? How long have you been married? My guess is you are quite young yet. Give it some time and do your best to make it work. Talk to your spouse, communicate, do things the both of you like to do. At the end of your day when you're lying in bed, talk about how your day went; in the morning when you wake, greet your spouse with a warm hug; when you leave your spouse to go to work or when he leaves you to go to his work, a sweek kiss on the cheek or a hug goodbye would be nice. My husband never leaves the house without kissing me goodbye. Your marriage can work if you really want it to. Imagine what life would be like without him, then after you imagine all the fun you would have, imagine what it would be like after the fun ends and he's not there. Take care, and good luck to you.Source(s): My source is my life story....
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- 1 decade ago
I am not a counselor, but you are asking more than one question. there are free marriage counselors , and they are listed in the phone book. I am more interested in your comment that you feel people would make nasty remarks about the money? As a male , does your husband know your feelings? Are your conversations one sided, does he disregard statements you make, by saying"your making much to much about nothing", or he doesn't even hear when you talk! He may be the type where you will have to get him alone, without ANY distractions, and tell him exactly how you feel, if you still feel he wont, or can't change. Tell him your options. GOOD LUCK!Source(s): 35 years of marriage
- allisoneastLv 41 decade ago
I'm in the same boat with you. My husband and I are like oil and water to each other after 11 years. I would suggest checking with your pastor, usually churches offer free counseling. If you have a child, it's worth it to stick it out until the child is old enough to understand you are not happy. (You made your bed, lay in it -that's what I'm doing.) If you have no children try a legal separation. In NC I know you can get a simple divorce without having to hire a lawyer. You both have to agree how to split everything and you can't get any compensation later on. I got mine from husband #1 in about 20 minutes of court time.
- 1 decade ago
I knew I didn't have any other option except divorce when I started to cry. Why should go through something with that much pain? We deserve to be happy in our lives, not sad. If you want counseling and can't afford it, seek the help of the church. I personally didn't need a counselor to tell me what my heart told me. True, it is hard to go on with your life. But, when you do, you can start living again.Source(s): Been there.
- 1 decade ago
I am there. Well it turns out that I was loving him one-sided. No option there. Endured this for two years and never wanted to end this before now because I loved him. But I woke up. I think you should be honest with him and ask a third party to do the "counselling" like family or friends. Good luck.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I feel for you,... I am going through the process of a divorce right now. He and I just couldnt handle simple conversation anymore and it sucks. I tried to do everything to make it work but some people just drift apart. I understand to about finacial matters its so hard these days and very unfortunatle to those of us who really want to make the best in any situation. My ex and I are good friends though now and we seem to be happier now that we have gone our seperate ways, but I do miss him and it still hurts at times but I am learning to love my new freedom and just trying to enjoy the ride of life. I wish you all the best of luck in what ever descions you two make. May it be the best for you both.Source(s): My life
- fancynameLv 61 decade ago
THere was no one clarifying moment, no one big thing, it was a collection of things until we were just roommates and nothing more. He had distanced himself from me and our child. He was no longer part of the family. He blamed work, kept saying one day that never came. I asked him to come with me and get help, he refused. I asked if we could try, he would not. It became my decision. I could live with it or leave. I chose to leave. You need to do what is right for you. Is your life going to be better without him? By the way if you thing counseling is expensive, the divorce is going to suck you both dry.
- 1 decade ago
Well a lot of my friends stay married. But, separated. As for me forget that someone that ,if there not in love with me doesn't they don't need to be married to me. I feel that when everything is bad it's for a reason it's time to move on to a new life. And, staying married even in paper they still got a hold on you some how. Why, would you let them have there cake and eat it too. It's not easy. But, you can do it stay strong and focus.