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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 decade ago

Need help to save my marriage?

I found out a week ago that my wife of 7 years is having an affair with a co worker. I have suspected it but she has denided everything. He left a message on her cell phone is how i found out. Then she has came clean. The day after Christmas she tells me that she is moving out and wants to call it quits. We have 2 children toghether and she has 1 prior to us but he is still my son. i want to save my marriage even though she doesn't. She is still seeing him and we are living together for another 6 weeks til she has money to move out. I have a little bit of time but unsure on what to do to make her see that she should stay. He have a beautiful home, great family, we don't fight, money is not a problem. Some friends have said she is having a mid life crisis. She is 29 seeing a 20 year old kid who lives with his mom. Any advice would help. I love my wife and want to see her threw this. We have a good relationship. Feeling lost and confused any advice

Update:

also, she refuses any counceling. We have had many talks and the things that have gone wrong in our marriage . i told her that real happiness is right behind the door if she was willing to take a peak, if she likes what she see's, open the door a little more and maybe one day step in. i've been showing her that they are being fixed, she says she is just tired and thinks leaving is the best. We agreed to wait to file for divorce until this summer. She is planning on getting an apartment 5 blocks away so we can share the kids.

17 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    Well, apparrantly she is insecure. She maybe feels like she doesn't have enough flexibility in her life, she may be stressed about your kids, or, she made a huge mistake. Or, this is her way of ending the relationship. I am not sure of her motives. But, with this being the case, there are a few options you have.

    First of all, she is extremely willing to get out. Maybe you should let her have her space. Don't ask for a divorce, and if she asks for one, offer her to just move out for a few months. Allow her to have her own appartment. This may help her to clear her mind. And if all works well, you could end up moving in together again!Even go to couples therepy! Anything would help at this point.

    Also, let her know why you are angry and what you are feeling. Don't put pressure on her, but just tell her what you have on your mind. Offer her to do the same with you. Let her know that she can tell you anything, anything on her mind and you wont judge. That is what you can do to save the relationship.

    If you feel at all betrayed, you could have a divorce. I think this is the more sensable option. Face it, she cheated on you. There is no friendship bond there. She obviousley doesnt care enough to controll her actions. She was immiture and stupid to do that. Plus, if she is still with him, she apparrantly wants OUT! It is best for both you and the kids. They will thank you later! Nobody wants to hear fighting all the time. It can corrupt someone for life. Even if you dont want to face it, it is the right thing. Most people I know would file for devorce just because of pure anger and the feelings of betrayal. I see that you want to save the relationship, so do whatever you need to. But, like I said earlier, the affair may be because she is not getting what she wants at home. Just make sure you find out. Also, I wouldn't tell the kids if they are too young. They dont need to know any of this, because 'mommy' is still a good person, she just made a BIG mistake. That is all the advice I have, and good luck.

    Source(s): Personal experience.
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  • Rehema
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    The first thing you must know is if you want to save your marriage and if you find yourself alone in this desire, waiting for the other spouse to make the first move is the beginning of the end. Learn here https://bitly.im/aMolr If you are looking for someone to blame or someone else to put the emotional and physical work into saving the marriage, again, it's going to fail.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Unless you both want the marriage to work, it's done. Get a lawyer, and make a list of things that were yours before the marriage, or you won't be keeping them.

    Good riddance, I say. There is no excuse to justify breaking the promises you made diring the wedding ceremony, religious or not.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    First you have to recognize that she is having the thrill of having a boy-toy. Very exciting but it will pass. In the meantime you have to make a decision (with her): would it be possible to have an open marriage for a while? With her giving you the same consideration? My family has known of similar situations which ultimately healed after a period when each partner had a lover (or two).

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  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds like it is time to spice up your marriage. you need to remember back when you were 20. How were you in the bedroom? You might need to start exploring your options and find a new you by giving her more wild nights. Buy her sexy gowns and even a toy that you can both play with. Tell her that she is still your wife and that you want to make the best of your last six weeks together. Try new things like tying her up in the bed and seducing her. PLEASE HER AND ONLY HER without thinking of yourself. Explore you wild side and try to take her out every other night from here on. Try leaving little paper messages for her like where to meet you tonight. Or another saying to check under the bed and there she'll find another gift. tell her she's been naughty and stuff like that...Don't forget the romantic dinner and all that.... Best Of Luck! If this doesn't work, then atleast you tried and you can say you made the best of those 6 weeks to last her a lifetime.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    You are a good man! First off you should sit down with her and really ask her to express herself and how she is feeling? Give her time to talk and have a lot of patience because she might not want to talk. She probably is very confused with her life right now. Don't yell at her...I'm not saying you will! If everything is fine, material wise..than maybe you should look at how you spend time with her. Do you show her the attention you used to? A lot of times that is what will go wrong and, sorry, but most men are blind to the fact that their woman is feeling ignored and is getting her attention somewhere else. Well good luck.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Mid-life crisis my butt! She just needs to grow up. She's only 29,midlife is like 40's or 50's. Sounds like you're screwed. Right now; no matter what you say or do won't matter to her. Best thing you can do is just let her go. What about the kid's, who gets them? Unless you want to loose everything else you should tell her to get out now, don't wait! You'll go nuts knowing that she is living with you and screwing some other guy. Tell her to get out, at least then you can get her for abandonment if it comes down to that. You need to start to prepare yourself for the worse.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds like you are still in love with her. My best advice is to have a long hard discussion about the why and what's been going on. Why she wants to call it quits and be open to her point of view. for both of you.... don't let anger empower judgement! Innoncent children could be caught in the middle!! I wish you the best.

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  • 1 decade ago

    you have to offer counseling. if she won't accept that then you have to let her go. she will come crawling back in 6 months. ensure u get a hiv/aids test before you touch her again. don't let her break ur heart and take ur life. focus on ur 3 children. they are blessing and will save ur sanity.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I am so sorry for you and for your children. I know you love her, but she has to be willing to stay with you. If that's not the case, I suggest you get a good family law attorney. You and your kids need to be protected. Do not wait.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Mid life crisis???!! She's not even mid life!!!

    I know you don't want to hear this, but I'll say it anyway. Move on. Let's say she stops cheating on you and you win her back, what's to stop her from doing it again?

    I know...you love her. Let's just say this is a mid life crisis. Let her go anyway. If she really loves you, she'll want to come back sooner or later. You may even find someone who respects you during that time.

    This happened to my parents when I was young. They tried to work it out, but that only made matters worse. Since they couldn't trust each other, they were constantly fighting. They made my childhood miserable. I was SOOO happy when they finally divorced. The fighting was so bad, I thought they would kill each other.

    Think of your kids. If one person is unhappy in the marriage, it will only make things worse for the entire family.

    Good Luck.

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