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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 1 decade ago

Wife passed away from alcoholism on December 1st, trying to cope?

My wife passed away just this year, December 1st due to alcoholism and I am having a hard time coping with the guilt and the disrespect I am having.

We had been married for 10 years, she was older than me, but that didnt matter. She had a still born son before we met, who I feel that she never really got over as she would speak his name at times and begin to cry.

I tried everything I could to get her to stop drinking, but nothing worked, she would say she needed help, I would try and find her some, then she would make me stop. I would be on the phone to councellers, but she would make me hang up. Should I have just dragged her out and taken her to a clinic or get her some help even though she didnt want it?

She was ommited in september for 4 days for alcoholism, and was told to stop drinking or it will kill her. She stopped....for 1 week, then went back. I tried evertying, but in the end, I feel that I may have given up as this was tearing me apart.

I miss her.

11 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    I'm so sorry for your loss. Do not blame yourself for her death though. It will eat you alive if you allow it to. Are you a somewhat religious person? Meaning do you go to church? If so, speak with someone at your church. I know it sounds lame but the Serenity prayer really helps. If your wife would not allow you or others to help her then there's nothing that any of you could do. A person has to want help and want to change for themselves, otherwise even if she was getting help, it probably wouldn't have been very successful. Unfortunately alcoholism is something that many people won't even admit to having a problem with (my mother-in-law and brother are both alcoholics but not admitting it). All you can do is be grateful for the time you had with her and take it slow. Time will pass and your heart will heal. One day will turn into a week...a week will turn into a month and before you know it a year has gone by and you're suddenly beginning to notice its getting easier to cope with your loss. Just remember...we're all born to die, her time was up and unfortunately noone has control over that, not even you. It's not your fault or anyone else's for that matter. I hope you find something/someone to help you get through this.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I`m so sorry for your loss, I know it`s too early to say that there was nothing that you could have done.

    what anyone says to you won`t sink in at the moment.

    You are right about your son, she never got over the death and turned to drink to try and blot out the pain and loss of her son.

    She probably was so emotionally hurt that she didn`t even know that you were even there and also hurting.

    You tried your best, and althought it won`t help you at the moment .... time will ease things, the memorys will never go away, but time will heal.

    Don`t feel guilty about the things you are feeling, It`s all natural, the things that you are feeling will go on for a while but will pass.

    Be strong, you did all that you could have done, my thoughts are with you .......

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  • 1 decade ago

    I am truly sorry your wife died, I know you miss her, and you will for some time. I also know it really bothers you what she died "from." I lost my husband 8 years ago, and it still hurts, but I'm going to tell you how I ended up dealing with that loss, because I thought at one point I was going to lose it! I decided to put away the fact that he died from cancer, because dwelling on it made me cry. Then I mentally took all of the "good" memories I had had with him, and I put them all in a "good memory bank."

    This way I could go on with my life, but still have those memories if I chose. No, I didn't, and never will forget him, but I "had" to do this for myself. And I knew my husband well enough that he wouldn't "want" me to keep hurting day and night, month after month. It is going to feel fresh for awhile, the hurt and such, okay? But remember that your wife didn't "want" you to feel this way forever. We make ourselves feel guilty when a loved one passes away, and wonder why it had to happen to them and not "us." It happened, you can't change it, so please "try" to build that memory bank, starting today, alright? Good luck.

    Source(s): experience
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  • 1 decade ago

    I AM SO SORRY 4 UR LOSS BUT SOMETIMES WE CANT CONTROL THE URGES OF OTHERS. IT SOUNDS LIKE U REALLY TRIED 2 HELP HER BUT SHE DID NOT WANT 2 B HELPED. EVEN IF U WOULD OF PUT HER IN REHAB SHE PROBALLY WOULD OF BEEN CLEAN 4 A WHILE AND THEN WENT RIGHT BACK. MAYBE HER DEPRESSION OF LOSING HER CHILD WAS 2 MUCH 4 HER AND SHE JUST COULDN'T COPE ANYMORE. I FEEL 4 U AND I KNOW ITS HARD BUT DON'T PUT URSELF DOWN U DID TRY AND THAT'S SOMETHING THAT REALLY COUNTS. DON'T EVER GIVE UP ON LIFE ITS 2 SHORT. GOOD LUCK SWEETIE TAKE CARE.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I'm so sorry for your loss! Truly. Coming from a family of alcoholics, I understand the guilt, pain and feeling of powerlessness that exists.

    Find folks who understand what you're going thru--check into Al-Anon--or talk to one of those counselors again, for yourself. You will slowly but surely feel stronger and healthier. Work on remembering positive times and creating positive times for yourself in the future!

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  • 1 decade ago

    wow you are so strong you held on to her as long as you could and you did everything to save her but in the end her promblems took her over and their is nothing nobody could have done, acholism has effected me too sometimes i just want to help them but i don't know just what to do, you are an amazing person and you need to realize that her problems were out of her and your hand. i know you'll never forget about her and you'll always love her but time always kills the pain, everything happens for a reason in life, and sometimes the reasons we don't know keep living life for you and her,one day you'll see her again.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Only an alcoholic can decide to quit, you can drag them to meeting but in the end it is their decision. You are not to blame

    I am sorry for your loss

    Try and remember the good times

    You are here for a reason.

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  • Nancy
    Lv 4
    4 years ago

    Dude, Jesus turned water into wine! You NEED a friend like that!!! If your wife keeps bugging you, let HER deal with the horse next time! Maybe the horse will kick her in the temple and you'll get some insurance money for booze!

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  • izzy 1
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    try to stay strong... i know its difficult at the moment & youve probably heard the phrase "times a great healer" many times but it truly is.. ive lost a special person in my life too & the biggest wake up call i recieved was when someone scolded me by saying" they lost their life NOT you" it was devastating at the time but they were right theres too many people living who im sure love you & care for you

    thinking of you..........

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  • 1 decade ago

    You warned her.

    Dont blame yourself.

    Its her own fault that she did it.

    You tried to stop her.

    She understood the consequences.

    She did it, not you.

    Its not your fault.

    If anything its hers.

    Dont blame yourself for her mistake.

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