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Hubby and female friend!?

Ok here goes......While me and my hubby tried a week trial seperation, which were back together now and completely happy, he got to know this female friend real good and was talking about our problems with her and seeking her advice. he has never really had girls for friends, however I have always had guy friends through our 12 year relationship. She texts him and calls his cell phone. i have mentioned that it seemed weird she would be calling him about her kids being sick and stuff. And he said if I wanted him to stop talking to her he would but I don't want to ask him to do that. Should I be worried. I TRUST HIM completely. It is her I don't know well.


I know her, but not well. I have thought about going to her store and just carrying on a conversation with her. What should I do.

Update 2:

Ok.....since the last time she texted him and I said how weird it was for her to be calling or texting about her kids, he has not mentioned her calling or texting anymore. so I'm not sure if it has stopped or what. I'm afriad if I say something he will think I don't trust him.

47 Answers

  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    As long as they are just friends, what is the problem?

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  • 247
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    ok... here goes...

    That's inappropriate. Don't invite a third party into your marriage. You need to have each other as best friends. Keep all outsiders "out" Yes, tell him that you needed to re-think his question and you've come to realise that it's best that she not call for advice on children or for any other reason and you both need to keep your marital business between each other only... or a marriage counselor or pastor.

    Side note: Seems awful odd that he would meet someone in just one week of seperation and develop so quickly and so close a bond/friendship like that. Hummmm? "Red Flag" warning sign.

    You need to remove all the old guy friends and keep those friendships very very distant. Don't get set up or let your husband be set up with this "friendship thing". This relationship with this woman might have started off innocent enough, but could end up something totally different.

    Don't allow people or issues to gain a foot hold in your marriage like that. Because the next thing you know that foot hold is a strong hold and your marriage can and will be in jeopardy. Any thing can occur or develop out of these so called frienships. We live in a world/society where people don't have problems breaking rules or disrespecting and dishonoring marriages.

    Be one anothers best friend and keep all the extra folk out.

    Guard well the boundaries of your home and marriage.

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  • 1 decade ago

    It seems that there is a double standard here. Let's be honest about this whole thing. You want the attention of many men, even though you are married, but now that he has the same you object?

    It is not okay for him to have another woman calling him left and right since he is a married man. The same way, it is not okay for you to have guys around you since you are a married woman. Married people should always be jealous of their relationship and guard it fiercely. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

    Separation is a little divorce. As you can see, your husband will have no trouble replacing you, although it also seems that that is not what he wants at this time. Whatever marital problems you have need to be addressed promptly and even involve professional help if needed. Trial separations are a postponement of reconciliation. Don't do it again and get down to business.

    Live life intentionally, honor your marriage bows above all things, ditch your guy friends (having them around constitutes cheating on your part), and be faithful to each other.

    Good luck,

    Mr. M on "female friend."

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  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds like trouble a brewin' to me. Is she married? I think there has to be a line drawn between the way he treats you and just some random lonely chick he met while he was lonely. And, that's what you have to consider. He met her while you 2 were at a bad spot. She will always be waiting to hear the dirt on you and what he doesn't like about you etc. she may want him..she may not. Don't think she should be texting him. Or, calling him on his cell. Those are two modes of communication that are beyond "just an acquaintatnce" in my book. I would put a hault to those options. If he still must talk with her, I'd rather he call from home when I can witness the conversation. Hope this helps.

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Is she a single mom?

    Utt ohhh.... You are in trouble now darlin.

    Find a way to just get rid of her. Just don't be demanding or sneaky about it. Just tell your husband flat out. I don't feel comfortable with this (obviously you don't or you wouldn't be asking) Just as if he asks you to understand his concerns of your male friends you too should sacrifice. That is what a relationship is about. If you cant forfill one another, then move on and find someone else and let him do the same.

    All in all, men are men, and nothing is worse than an attractive damsel in distress type to make him feel needed and loved! Women in those situations are relentless and needy and have absolutely nothing to lose! They will give, in the way a mother would with, sex as a fringe benefit. It's a man's wet dream!

    I understand that you trust him... But really, if you think about it, Is your trust really going to keep him from cheating? You can trust him right through it, that's not going to keep it from happening!

    If you met her... You would add a visual to their friendship that you don't need.

    Like Sylvia Plath said of Assia Weavel (Ted Hughes mistress)

    "I conjured her." You can concern yourself so much and hold things in so hard that you actually help these things bloom. NEVER be so afraid of hurting anyone elses feelings that you end up hurting yourself. Where is the benefit in that? If you don't trust him... Im sure it is for a reason!

    It's bad that he has somewhere to run... That, should ALWAYS be you not a female friend! This is not about being confident with yourself and forgiving and accepting... When it comes to what belongs to you... Unless you know how to maneuver yourself in this kind of situation (which you obviously don't... again because you are asking.) Don't try your hand at these kinds of games. Just illiminate her as fast as you can!

    Personally... She would have been long gone by now if it were me. Either be his mistress or be gone! I can deal with almost anything BUT the unknown and the constant waiting around. This is bad news! Its like he is keeping her in the wings just in case you don't pan out!

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  • 1 decade ago

    It is natural for people to have friends of both sexes.

    The question to ask here is: Is his female friend single or unhappy with her current relationship?

    If that is the case, then he might not have any bad intentions, but she may want to take him for her own. When people do "trial seperations" it is like putting blood in the water for a shark. She knows that he's a good guy and is marriage material, as he is already married.

    The other side to this is that she may just be completely platonic and no threat at all.

    good luck

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  • 1 decade ago

    I found myself in a similiar situation with the exception of the trial situation. It is most important for him to arrange for you and this girl to become friends, even if it's not as close of friends as the two of them are. Since you guys have been in a 12 year relationship, all new friends should be friends of both of you. It is improper for her to continue speaking with your man without making attempts to get to know you. However, her conversations with him should only be about men. Conversations involving anything else should be with you. If she doesn't express the interest in getting to know you or continues to bother your man with other matters, then get her away from him because it means she's got her eyes on him. The only difference to this is if you or your man meet someone in a work environment and you only talk to that person at work.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Simply ask him to put a little distance between he and girl, and less frequent calls between the two of them. Even when a guy has a female friend, the wife and husband should be respected and respectful. Tell him you're not asking him to stop talking to her, just back off a little. Good luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    If your worried about the relationship invite her over and see how they interact. If she talks to you just as she does with him then she is just looking for friends. Tell your husband you want to be included in their relationship. Look at his reactions to this suggestion. This should give you clues as to whats between them. You don't say if the other woman has a husband or a boyfriend. If so find out what he thinks about the situation. Always be sure of your ground unless you want to fall into a sinkhole.

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  • 1 decade ago

    If you trust your husband than there is nothing to worry about. But if that bothers you, just tell your husband that you feel uncomfortable when she calls you alot, tell him that bothers you.

    He will understand, and since you guys are better than ever, than he will not talk to her as much.

    You can go intoduce yourself to her. Or when your free and your husband is not home, you can call her over for coffe and talk to her and get to know her.

    As long as your husband knows when to stop talking to her if anything crosses the line, than dont worry about anything!

    Also let your husband know that he should come to you if anything is wrong, and that you want to be there for him through everything. He sound like an understanding husband, if you feel uncomfortable if they are talking alot, than go ahead and tell your husband, there is nothing wrong with that.

    Good Luck!


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  • 1 decade ago

    Sounds like you don't have a problem since you said you trust him completely, but If it is making you uncomfortable and he said he would stop talking to her then you need to let him know before you two are at each other again.

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