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I need some advice?

ok long story short married for 21/2 years

1 kid together

separated last year but stupidly got back together

i still have my own place

I want to move back in and have an appt w/lawyer next week

He is sooo manipulative and such a good liar. I cant stand him he is horribly mean (verbally) to the kids and I. But im afraid that somehow he'll sweet talk his way to getting everything he wants...like custody of our son. How possible is this?? Do courts take kids from their moms if the mom is a good mother? He is only 1 and im so afraid that he'll take him and I'll never see him again ( of course he has threatened this as well as physical harm to me if I leave) what should I do. Im just trying to play it cool till i see my lawyer.

any advice of the kinds of questions to ask her

thanks for your help

19 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    First don't think you are stupid for getting back with him.. I think everyone tries to work things out for there kids... Second if he is mean then you have to be strong and not let him hurt you or your kids... Stand up for yourself! Personally, I have not heard of a case were a child has been taken away from a mom if she's doing what she is supposed to be doing. I think unless you are abusive or on drugs or just an out right horrible mom you will keep your kids. Now if he has some type of proof that you beat them or don't take care of them then there could be a chance but if that's not the case then don't worry.

    As for him threatening you, be very careful and try to get that on tape... Be smart, don't be alone with him... Make sure that if you do talk then it's on your terms, don't give him the upper hand on anything! And as for moving back... Just make sure that your kids and of course you are safe... See the lawyer and be honest, let him or her know everything and ask for help if you need it!

    Good Luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    First of all you need to get away from him and leave him if he doesn't treat you right. If your a good mother then you don't have to worry about him getting custody of your son. Don't stay with him if he's manipulative and hurts you. That's not a good marriage. I won't stay with him if I were you if he's such a good liar. If you got a really good lawyer then he'll help you keep custody of your son. I think judges look at how the person who's trying to get custody and see how they'd act toward that child but I'm not sure. Usually the mother gets custoday I think it's rare for the father to unless the mother is a drink or a careless mother but it sounds like your not like those things so you got a real good chance of keeping custody. If I were you I'd get down on my knees and pray. Right now you need God more then anything. He'll help you. Don't stay in that situation. Take your son and leave him. Don't let him hurt your or you son emotionally or physically. I'll be praying for you.

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  • 1 decade ago

    There must be a reason for the courts to take a child from the mother. If you are a good mom then do not worry about this. I would take steps in court first and file for sole custody giving him whatever visitation rights that are appropriate in your situation. Do not wait for him to do this, be the first to seek full custody. If he is abusive towards you do not give in to him and his sweet talk. If he has threatened physical harm towards you, go and get a temporary restraining order on him. This will also show the custody judge a part of his character.

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  • 1 decade ago

    Fear is a way to control you. Talk to your lawyer be very honest about what has been going on she will give you the best advice for the legal end of it. In this day the custody is usually split 50/50 you would have to be an extremely bad mother to loose custody of your child. Please go through with your plans it will be tough but well worth it! I made the mistake of staying with my ex husband way too long because I thought I was providing a good home for them but what they got out of it was how to not have a good relationship how to be controlling and it has been hard for me since it was my choice that is affecting them. If I had to do it all over again I would have left as soon as I knew it was over. break the cycle and show your son even as young as he is that what his Dad is doing is really wrong and stand up for yourself you deserve better than what you are getting. Good luck and keep that appointment!!!!!

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Each state is a little different, and what i mean by that is, in Oklahoma where I live the state 99% of the time sides with the mother, even if she is a terrible mom. Some other states show a little more favortism towards the father, but unless he can prove that you are an unfit parent, then you would have nothing to worry about. He has to have proof that can be shown in court that you are a bad mom, not just his opinion.

    Hopefully this helps!!!!

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  • 1 decade ago

    it is not likely that the child would be taken from you so calm down. has the police ever been involved when the two of you have fought?if so it would help if you were able to prove that he has this temper. another thing you could try is go and get your self a small tape recorder. and record any thing and every thing when your with him.so this way if he threatens you, you will have proof. but to be honest i don't think you will need to go that far.but if you think that he is the type that would take off with your child to the point that you don't know where he is, it would be a good idea to have that recorder, so that when you do go to court you can ask for supervised visits, and with the recordings of him threatening you or the child, you will have the proof you need. good luck

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  • 1 decade ago

    you should definately tell her he has thretand you and even get a recorder for when you see him or talk to him on the phone.make sure you record any and everything he says to you. as for he kid 87.7% of the time mothers get full or joint custody. unless you are unfit to be a mother or he finds ways how your not a goood mother he wont get full custody. if your kid is old enough and knows his father is verbally mean e can go in stands. you have to remember though sometimes even if it is the worst parent a child may need to be with them sometimes so i would p[robably unless one of you are very horrible parents then the child will be with you on weekdays and with the father on weekend until summer vacation when the child will probably decide.and remember though dont put the child through more pain than he will be in.divorce is one of the worst feelings for a child so you will probably have a rough time later on in his life. good luck

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  • 1 decade ago

    let me tell you that you can lose your kid very easy! but if you have own place and a well paid job are very few chances to lose it. but you see a god lawyer and a bunch of layers can make the court to give the custody to the father! you need a good lawyer and if your true about your husband you shouldn't let the child with it because believe me my parents divorced and i had to change all my life, if the child isn't supported now in this moments he could suffer. Show your love for your son now more than ever!

    Source(s): own experience
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  • lisa h
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Make sure to tell your lawyer all this and no they will not take a child away from a fit mother. Make sure that you file paperwork first. I am in California and was told, by the sheriffs office, that the person who files the paperwork first gets custody until the hearing. Good luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    I HIGHLY doubt that any GOOD judge would take a child from the mother with no good reason as to why.... Thats very illegal. If you can get an audio tape of him verbally threatening you, you might strongly help your case for sole custody. Be careful tho, If he isnt a bad father, just a bad husband, dont take it out on the children too.... Good luck

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