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are you still attracted to your spouse?

ok i have been married for about 5 yrs now and i am still very attracted to my wife, she does things normally around the house and i get completly insane with certain feelings. but with my wife she says that physical attraction does not work that way for her she says that it does not arouse her to see me in the buff or flex for her or whatever. she said she gets aroused for the things i do like clean dishes or clean the house. or do things with my son. sometimes i want my wife to want me for me and not the things i do.

is that wrong for me to be that way? and do any of you experience the same issues?

Update:

ok to point something out, i am not in bad shape, i am still the same size when we first met, she used to initate sex all the time, this may sound strange but she used to put her nose in my underarms and just sniff. she used to feel on my arms and stuff , when i would take my closthes off she would say things like ohhhhh yea, or something like that. so i am not sure what is going on. and some of you say be glas she still wants you for you , because i may clean the house. but even still men would like to be wanted for the physical attactiveness too, i feel i should not have to do the dishes or clean something just to get a little attn from my wife.

Update 2:

ok one other point my wife loves back rubs and back scratches, she hates kissing, she hates hugs, she hates caressing but if i scratch her back she loves it, that is the only way to initiate sex is through back scratching. so she likes the physical touch, i am confused as all get out.

27 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    no...you are not wrong....that's too bad that she feels that way....I've been married for 12 years and not as sexy and slim as I used to be but my husband still gets excited if he walks in and I'm getting out of the shower and the same goes for me with him.....it's a nice feeling and something that can't be beat......hope it changes for you...good luck

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  • 1 decade ago

    You sound like a good man. I do not mean to sound rude here but women rarely know what they want and they rarely want what they have until they do not have it anymore. If you want your wife to go crazy over you lose the predictability. If you are always home on time stop it. Come home late every now and then, hang out with the boys. If you say you love her everyday stop saying it. The secret is not to over do it. When she initiates affection after you lose your predictability be sure to give in. Then continue to be unpredictable, yet still remain respectful. I have been where you are at and I can assure you the words I am speaking will work if you do them right.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I am still very attracted to my spouse. He has, and always will be in my eyes, the most attractive man I've ever seen. But, I am an artist, so I am visual, which is unusual for females. What your wife is telling you is that she speaks the language of "service" while you speak the language of "physical". Don't be frustrated or sad if she doesn't get all hot and bothered from looking at you- it's simply not what turns her on. When you want her to be turned on looking at you, your asking her to totally change her persona and be like you and be turned on by physical. The situation you are describing is so perfectly suited for a book my husband and I read (listed below) that really helped us out. We go around our whole lives assuming everyone in the world thinks like us when in reality we all speak different languages of love. Your wife is turned on by you, just in different ways- be happy about that! It all translates to love. When you help around the house, she looks at you and sees an incredibly handsome stud. :)

    Source(s): www.fivelovelanguages.com (although listed as a Christian book, it is not preachy nor do you need to have any specific belief system to have it benefit you)
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  • 1 decade ago

    Maybe you aren't as fit as you were five years ago, so her perception of you nude has changed. I'm not attracted to my husband as I was 5 years ago because he has let himself go. Why should I care if they don't care enough to take care of themself? And yes- it turns me on when my husband takes out the trash. LOL Being a woman I can tell you that there's more to this. She's stewing about something. Maybe her hormones and sex drive hasn't bounced back after having the baby. It happens. But...let's see.....roses. Women see roses as a great way to apologize. All you have to do is come up behind her and pop out a bouquet and say something like "I'm sorry things aren't the way they used to be" and it's not a lie! She'll think you're apologizing for God know's what, and you get the point accross that you miss the lovin' and everybody is happy. It IS harder for us to have sex with dirty dishes in the sink. I think it sends some sort of biorythm thing through the air....LOL

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  • NAB
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    I went through the same thing, but in reverse. I'm in better shape now, than when we first married 18 years ago. But it isn't so much the physical that turns my husband on. According to him, it's what I do around the house, and for him, that gets his attention. For me, I'm attracted to receiving affection. (not just sexual). Check out this book, "The Five Love Languages", by Gary Chapman. It covers, that as individuals we respond (subconsciously) differently to how we are spoken to. (Verbally and non verbally). It sounds like your spouse likes to be spoken to in the language of 'acts of service'. Which my husband responses to also. I think this book will help you a great deal, as it has for me. You'll both benefit. Let me know how it goes...

    You added she likes receiving back scratches and back rubs, but not the kissing and hugging. Again...it points that you are showing her an 'act of service'; something she response to positively. You do for her, she'll respond in kind...

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  • 1 decade ago

    Yes, I am still attracted to my husband but it's more his personality than his body. He's more likely to get a response out of me if he says or does something sweet, or if he does something physical like lift weights or chop wood. I think that's the way it is with most women: it takes more than just a nude body to make us fall all over ourselves. I know my husband has made the same kind of comments as you and I try to show more attention to his body, you might want to have the same discussion with your wife. Good luck!

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  • 1 decade ago

    it's not wrong for you to fefel this waay but i guess woman and men ahve different ways of loving. I think that the point she's trying to prove is that physical stuff doesn't last a long time- the true beauty lies withiin the person's herat & personality. She wants you to be more of a family man rather than a handsom man. No matter what you look like- she's gonna love you the same of course if you look real good it's gonna assure that she's not gonna go behind your back with another guy that's for sure!

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  • 1 decade ago

    Men and women are different, men are aroused by seeing a naked woman... I think your relationship with your wife is fine. It means more to her then just physical attraction, she is attracted to the entire the package, the husband, the father, the friend and the lover in you. So don't beat yourself over it. Just enjoy life. Don't Worry, Be Happy :)

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  • 1 decade ago

    People work in different ways and men and women are often polar opposites. Who cares why or how she is attracted to you. It means the surface stuff isn't that important to her. Stop worrying about being a stud and do the things that make her want to rip your clothes off and $crew your brains out.

    Ok, that armpit smelling thing is a few steps backward on the evolutionary ladder. So she only wants you when you are being domestic boy? That does suck. However, if you love her, and don't want to leave her, you will eventually be pounded into submission just to get laid.

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  • 1 decade ago

    I don't think Men and Women are as different as everyone makes out. I had to have been physically attracted to my husband to have gotten married to him in the first place. If it were just based on things he did for me....well....then a lot of people in my life could/would have been in the running to marry me. If I see my husband naked, it is a TOTAL turn on to me. and I would want the same for me to be a turn-on to my husband. which apparently is. =) so both myself and my husband are aroused by seeing e/o. So, not just a guy-thing to be turned on by visuals!!! Sure, it is nice to be appreciated for things we do around the house, but that shouldn't be the reason your wife is physically attracted to you. In my honest opinion, TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL. see if there are OTHER underlying factors on her mind.

    Also, did she use to kiss you more when you first got married? Do you fight a lot?

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  • 1 decade ago

    Men a visual people, women want to be shown that is just the way it is, we are different, so you have to change the way you think, you get aroused by looking at her she gets it from how you act in and around the house, she sees your love through your acts of kindness, not in your pants

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